Preaching: Google is blind!

I thought I’d take on a slightly different approach with this post. I mean, all bloggers try to write about facts, rant or go to other lengths to get their message through. Therefore, in true TV preacher style (imagine someone with James Brown’s personality), let me tell you about Google:

Aaaahh, welcome you all! Praise the Lord!

Choir: AMEN!

I’m gonna, ah, gonna, ah, gonna tell you da truth!

Choir: TELL US!

I say, da truth!

Choir: TEEELLLLL UUUSSS! TELL US NOW!

I mean, ah, the TRUTH!

Choir: NOW! NOW! NOOOOOWWW!

You build your web pages, aaah! But they’re not good, you know! They’re, ah, evil!

Choir: EVIIIL!

You depend on, ah, JavaScript, you seeee! And JavaScipt is the DEVIL!

Choir: THE DEEEEVIL!!

It might help you out at first, ah! But if you want to reach your readers, ah, you need to, ah, make it work without it as well!

Choir: NO JAVASCRIPT DEPENDENCY!

So, ah, don’t make your content dependent on JavaScript!

Choir: NO! JAVASCRIPT! DEPENDENCY!

I have a secret to shaaaaaare with you!

Choir: SHARE IT!

A secret nobody seems to know, ah!

Choir: SHAAAAARE IT!

Google, you all know, ah, Goooooooooogle!

Choir: GOOGLE!

Google is blind!

Choir: GOOGLE IS BLIND!

Google is blind!

Choir: GOOGLE! IS! BLIND!

Google will see your web site just as, ah, a blind user will!

Choir: GOOGLE! BLIND USER!

But, I’m gonna tell what to do, yes, ah!

Choir: LET US KNOOOOOWWW!

I’m gonna, I’m gonna, I’m gonna gonna gonna Gonna GONNA GONNA!

Choir: TELL US! TEEEELL US!

Semantics is the key, ah! SEMANTICS!

Choir: SEMANTICS!

Mark up your content properly

Choir: MARK UP! SEMANTICS!

Make it accessible, and Google will see ALL of it too!

Choir: ACCESSIBILITY! THE WAY TO THE LIGHT!

Thank you, Lord, for sharing this knowledge with us! Thank you, ah, for teaching us, ah, to reach as many users as possible!

Choir: THANK YOU, LORD!

And so it went on all night in the auditorium…

 

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25 Comments

  • ROTFLMAO. Or something :D. Having problems with web illiterate project managers again? πŸ˜‰

  • icaaq says:

    i´m looking forward to the next geek-meet when you is that tv-preach in true James Brown style πŸ™‚

    Nice post!

  • Blind users are able to use JavaScript quite well, Google isn't. Google is mor a lynx crac. But with more hardware power could even Google use JavaScript in the future, why not?

  • Wayne says:

    I'm alright with Google not using Javascript: It puts a natural pressure on web-designers to become conform.

  • Jens Wedin says:

    Praise the Lord Robert

  • In true evangelist style, are you going to admit a past riddled with javascript dependency and rollover navigational aids?

    Jesus loves a repentent sinner! Amen brother πŸ˜€

  • Jonathan Rascher says:

    Amen Robert!

    Our Search Engine

    Who art in Mountain View

    Hallowed be Thy name

    Hmm, somebody want to finish that for me?

  • Eugene says:

    A M E N !

  • Ron says:

    Preaching to the choir!

    I would dress like Lordi!! Surely to impress a dressed-up geek!

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  • Tim Huegdon says:

    You're weird… but I like it.

  • Bramus! says:

    Good lord that was fun! πŸ™‚

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Thanks, all! I'm glad that you liked it! πŸ™‚

  • Can it be that you got some inspiration from a introduction to SOAP recently? (yours is better!) Great post Robert!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Emil,

    Thank you!

    I haven't read that one before, but thanks for the tip; I really liked it! πŸ™‚

  • Deborah says:

    Great fun! Having spent some time recently with code that had a severe case of divs and classes, rather than headings and paragraphs, I can relate.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Deborah,

    Sorry to hear that, but at the same time, I'm happy that you can relate. πŸ™‚

  • Hakan Bilgin says:

    There was a small notice in the last page of Computer Sweden, something like;

    Google doesn’t like the usage of the word “googleâ€Â or “googlaâ€Â (Swedish version) when the word is used to describe a search. It has to be written “Googleâ€Â, with a capital letter.

    Ok, I understand the fun part in your post but the message is unmistakable. I find the religious idolization of Google a little alarming. Google is yet another company driven by the same values as any other company, this is especially noticeable now.

    Today Google is collecting and indexing the data and if they continue in this pace tomorrow they will be the kings of all historical data. At that stage, it doesn’t take more than one profit hungry group to possess this data. The power that comes with it can easily be abused in the wrong hands.

    To sum it all…

    Google forbids any other use of its name other than the “right wayâ€Â and everybody should follow strict guidelines.

    This pattern can be observed in a real religion. Islam; Allah or the prophet can not be depicted and there are strict guidelines in how to live.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Hakan,

    Valid points about all data being collected, be it Google or any other company. I guess only the future can tell if it has been good or if it has hurt the world.

    I find the religious idolization of Google a little alarming.

    That is definitely not the point with this post. If anything, it's mocking standardistas, web developers etc for too much idolization and vorshipping of companies (just look at some Apple or Microsoft fanbys and what lenghts they go to to defend their favorite company). Maybe it also has a touch of making fun of some SEO optimizers…

    Another point, though, is just to sell in the idea of semantic code that isn't dependent on JavaScript, for both accessibility and SEO reasons, in a fun way.

  • Hakan Bilgin says:

    Robert,

    I guess only the future can tell if it has been good or if it has hurt the world.

    Today the basic idea for search engines to collect data is good cause. But tomorrow, it may easily fall into abusive hands.

    I have heard rumours that Google is collaborating with CIA today…both parts do not deny this rumour. And as you know, CIA has admitted that they were involved in domestic politics in democratic nations, such as Chile in the 70's.

    No one can confirm that public data isn't being abused already…

    …no, I am not dark in mind or paranoid, but I can not help questioning stuff. πŸ™‚

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Hakan,

    Questioning is almost always good; that's how one learns stuff! πŸ™‚

  • Alvin says:

    <blockquote cite="18392">

    Google forbids any other use of its name other than the “right wayâ€Â and everybody should follow strict guidelines.

    This pattern can be observed in a real religion. Islam; Allah or the prophet can not be depicted and there are strict guidelines in how to live.

    Sorry, Hakan Bilgin, but "Google" is an asset that happens to be a name. There IS a right way to use it. For example, it's SkyTel, not skytell, or Skytel, or sky tell, or any variation you can think of IF by SkyTel you mean the paging company. Heck, it's George W. Bush, not George Bush, if you want it clear you're speaking of the president that was elected to office in 2004, not the one that was elected to office in 1988.

    In English capitalization is an important characteristic. The poems of E. E. Cummings illustrate as much. It's bad form to write comments or send e-mails in all capital letters. And one can even argue that nowadays the word google, without the capital G, is a verb meaning, "to use a search engine to find something on the Internet." And although it implies that one would be using the Google search engine, no one, except maybe Microsoft, would be upset if it was found out that one used Internet Explorer to google the item in question.

  • Hakan Bilgin says:

    Robert,

    Alvin prooves my point.

    It should not be hard to understand why it is hard to reason with fundamentalistic muslims. I mean, they are also convinced by their beliefs…

    In my opinion, the parallell holds…but I know that this is an inflamable topic. Therefore, let's drop it.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Well, to me writing a company name the way they want it spelled is about showing them respect for their product/business. No more, no less.

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