I’m afraid of dying

My whole life, as long as I can remember, I’ve been afraid of dying. The fear seems to hit me in waves, but it’s always there, constantly reminding me of my mortality.

As we grow up, most of us reach a time when we start to think about life, death, universe, why we’re here. Some think about it while lying in their beds at night staring out into the darkness, some share it with friends when drunk and some just try to suppress these thoughts as soon as they surface. What almost every person seems to have in common with each other, though, is that we desperately try to find a reason for living, a meaning with our existence.

One person might find cause through religion, while others find comfort in trying to understand as much as possible of the science we use to try to explain this phenomenon we refer to as life. But almost everyone seems to strive for an answer, a reason, a motivation to keep going.

Why am I afraid? I can’t even begin to fathom that my life will end, that my body will stop functioning and that all the thoughts, love and sorrows I bear with me will vanish. That I will cease to exist, and that I will be just gone.

I’ve heard that the older one gets, the more one comes to term with the fact that life isn’t endless. That we have been given a certain amount of time to live, and all we can do is try to make the best out of it.

You might look upon these thoughts as the ones of an unhappy man; on the contrary! My life is beyond my wildest expectations! I have a wonderful girlfriend, and a daughter that I love so much that no words of man are worthy of describing such strong feelings. I have seen so many things, been to numerous places and have met so many interesting people in my life. In my line of work I have reached a moderate success and respect, and I constantly want to become better at what I do. I also sincerely hope to constantly keep evolving into a better and less selfish human being.

But all that just makes the fear even worse to handle. To one day lose everything I’ve fought so hard for; to not be around to help and aid my family, in sorrow and in joy. At times, I can just neglect the various thoughts, and then at other times I desperately stare out into the vast emptiness hoping to find some way to be strong enough to withstand the psychological terror a fear of death brings to you.

Ever had a dream that felt more real than life itself? I’m sure you have, one time or another. Some of mine have been dreams of actually dying, waking up in the middle of the night, drenched with sweat and literary screaming my anxiety out into the room; my mind boggling and my body shaking with reluctance against the implication of death.

Maybe we do have souls, perhaps they do live on forever; maybe we’re all incarnated from who knows how long back in time. There is the slightest chance that we might remember and carry with us who we are, and that’s the fraction of hope I cling on to. Nevertheless, my fear is still there.

Posted in Personal/life |

584 Comments

  • Paul Groves says:

    Without wishing to belittle your very real sentiments, I always quash these thoughts by reassuring myself of my complete lack of awareness of what happened before I was born. I totally understand the fear of leaving my children without a father and wife without a husband (and the fear of losing them too). However, I obviously have no recollection of the billions of years that past before I was here and I imagine death to be much the same. It may sound sad to disappear from existence but it is only ego that makes one wish to leave a legacy behind after death, I think it is what you do today that matters.

    Great post btw.

  • As a fellow Dad I think there's a big part of being a father that means these thoughts particularly bubble to the surface.

    Seriously though I don't worry too much, it's better to put everything you've got into living your life and spending as much time with your family as you can and to never waste at moment.

    As far as you dreams of death go I would suggest that this dream is more an indication of a big change coming up for you as death within a dream seldom has a literal meaning. Death as a symbol often is an indicator of change, and symbolises rebirth.

  • Johan says:

    Whitehead

    Life is eating. Fundamentally, it eats itself and thereby achieves a kind of transcendence of itself, which, however, does not yet "exist for itself" as the simple unity that it is.

    Hegel

    Initially, however, when each risks its Life in attempting to negate the other's Life, any absolute success on the behalf of either results in the death of both, for "death is the natural negation of consciousness, negation without independence, which thus remains without the required significance of recognition"(188). Out of this develops on the behalf of one self-consciousness the awareness of essentiality of Life to self-consciousness' aims(189). In other words, one self-consciousness has feared death, seeing as it makes impossible self-consciousness very purpose in Life (pun intended) and hence clings to Life. There arises now a new relationship of inequality between the two self-consciousnesses: one has become slave, the other master.

  • Marco says:

    Interesting subject. For me almost the opposite is true. I'm not at all afraid of dying. When a person dies I see two things that may happen:

    1) You'll live on after dead in some form and exciting times will be ahead right after you blow out your last breath.

    2) There's absolutely NOTHING after death and you won't notice it.

    A lot of people fear death because they have some sort of mental image in which they die and 'find out there's nothing at all after death'. This is of course a funny misconception because if there's really nothing after death, you won't be able to draw that conclusion.

    Ergo: You'll be fine, unless something really shitty turns out to happen after death.

    I do have a fear related to yours though. While I really don't care at all about myself dying I'm sometimes really scared that my beloved ones will die around me while I'll stay alive myself. For example, imagine bird flu will hit the world. Hard. Killing 50% of the world population. Imagine everyone you care about will die. Except… you. Horror!!!

    That thought scares me much more than the thought of dying myself!

  • Martin Nyman says:

    Some time ago, a man stopped me in the street wanting to ask me some questions about my belief. "Shoot", I said, and the man started asking me questions.

    Christian Guy: "Are you comfortable with you beliefs?"

    "Very"

    CG: "What do you believe in?"

    "Not much, love maybe"

    CG: "So, you don't believe in God?"

    "No"

    CG: "I hate to tell you this, but you might get hit by a car and get killed any second, and if that happens, and you don't believe in God, you will go to hell."

    "Thanks for telling me, have a good day now"

    WTF, that guy just tried to threaten me into beliving in his perception of a higher power. That's not a religion that I want to be a part of.

    I don't know why I just wrote this here, but it kind of felt as if it related to the topic somehow. And if it didn't, maybe I managed to put a smile on your lips and take your mind off thinking about your mortality for a second!

  • Marco says:

    @Martin

    This is what ALL religions do. They've been doing it since they started. Religions try to scare their followers in order to keep them following.

    It's a load of crap if you ask me. I try to be a good guy in every possible way. I just can't believe there could be a God out there who will send me right to hell after I die just because I didn't buy the crap people like the one that stopped you on the street are trying to shove down our throats.

    I'm in fact not totally atheist. I do however feel that whatever God I'll meet after I die is not going to judge me on this crap but on what I did in my life and how I have been treating other people. In that respect I find Jesus a very inspiring figure. He hated that judgmental crap people love to throw on other people just as much as I do.

  • Nathan Smith says:

    I don't fear dying, aside from whatever physical pain might be involved. What I do fear though, is having lived a wasted life. I'm only in my mid-20's, but I often ponder, when it's all said and done, will I have lived a life that enriched those around me? I wonder if I will be remembered as selfish, pompous, and arrogant. I guess I think of it this way: If life is like a basketball game, will I have racked up a high count of assists, or will I be known as the show-off who never passed the ball?

  • <blockquote cite="http://www.robertnyman.com/2006/04/22/im-afraid-of-dying/#comment-4213">WTF, that guy just tried to threaten me into beliving in his perception of a higher power. That’s not a religion that I want to be a part of.

    If you knew about something that you believed would save someone elses life or help them avoid enormous pain…would you keep it to yourself?

    <blockquote cite="http://bible.cc/proverbs/27-6.htm">Faithful are the wounds of a friend,

    But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.

  • To me fear of death is really a fear of the unknown. There was a time in my life when I experienced this fear for myself, I don't anymore. The fear I sometimes feel is that my life is a waste of time and that the people I love will have difficult circumstances in their lives if I'm gone before them.

    In general I feel hopeful about life and death. I believe that there is a purpose for my life and that it means something to strive for the best for yourself and those around you. I don't mean the kind of "best" where you attempt to grab and horde everything in sight at the expense of others…but the kind of "best" where your life is an offering, and it makes the world a better place. I also know that death comes to us all in it's own time and there may be nothing I can do to avoid it earlier than later.

    The hope I have comes from a personal relationship with the one true God. I say this not as a "threat", but because it is what brings me hope. The fact that my own efforts, and all the things I can gather around me can not and will not ever make me happy could be a hopeless view. The fact that I don't have to gather "things" around me to feel fulfilled is a miracle!

    I hope that my comment on your blog is acceptable. If it is unwelcome, feel free to delete it and I will not be offended. This topic area is sometimes considered taboo…and I know that my belief in God will cause anger among some who don't believe. The bottom line is that I'm a big fan of Robert Nyman, and I feel a little pain to know that you fear death this way. I hope these words will bring at least a small glimmer of hope to your life!

  • Chris says:

    I think I already died several times. When I see photos of myself at the ages of 5 or 12 or 25, I see someone who does not exist anymore. This person I was has already died I think, physically because all the matter that makes my body had changed and mentally as well because I am a very different person.

    The only thing that relates me to the person I "was" is that I remember a few things I lived when I was younger. But that is not a lot in common. So I think one already has several lives in one's own life.

    This is not that different from real death. Actually I think death is just another evolution of my self. It is only different from the previous ones in that it is sudden in time.

    Anyway, as a great philosopher put it: "You do not have to fear death. When you are alive, you're not dead. And when you are dead you don't know you are dead" ;-)

  • @Chris, I know what you mean. While I was writing my response to Rob's prompt to meme, I relived the last 10 years of my life. Some of those times seem so far away…and I was definitely a different person.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    I would sincerely thank everyone for sharing, especially on such a personal topic. I would really like to reply to and elaborate on each and every one of your comments for pages, but I think it would be too much…

    I just need to touch the topic of religion in the comments that came up, though. The way I, humbly, see it is that people who are truly good persons and confident in their religion don't threaten or force it upon other people. I've had many talks to people with different religious beliefs, and while they are very open to talk about it and discuss it, they don't push it down your thruth.

    Those are the pople I respect (and yes, Shane, I do find you to be one of these, so please don't find any possible offense in this :-)).

  • Todd says:

    @Marco – I can definitely identify with your sentiments. I believe that all religions began with the purest of intentions, but have, through the years, acquired layer upon layer of sometimes meaningless traditions and dogma.

    Personally, I am a Buddhist. I see the inherent value in the mechanism of traditional religions, however, in comparison with Buddhism, they seem limited in scope. The focus in traditional (Western) monotheistic religions is, to me, to design human behavior through negative reinforcement. Their focus is traditionally bipolar in nature: using the threat of post-mortem events as leverage for enforcing their ways and means in this life. Further more, some assume that you are flawed from the beginning (original sin).

    I can see how this has worked (and it does work). But, I see the model as inherently flawed. I see it as flawed because anytime you define strictly what you are and what you believe in, you — even if only by default — define what you are not. And, having done that, you have defined your enemy. Even if he did not yet exist, your enemy sprang into being the moment you drew the line in the sand. Because there is always someone on the other side of that line… and eventually, you will fight him. And if you succeed in winning that particular battle, you have not won, you have merely reinforced and/or moved your line. The model is inherently flawed, because you cannot defeat something of your own creation, because it IS you. If your mind is not unified, is bipolar and reactionary, then you will always, until the end of days, find someone to fight.

    The goal therefore, to me at least, is to not draw lines at all. You have to accept all that there is both "good" and "bad" and then methodically set out to destroy in your mind what defines them both… (in my case, through meditation, in yours perhaps prayer) because if there is an all-knowing God, and if there is "Good" and "Bad", then surely he/she created them both. It is only in your mind that you create the definitions of "good" and of "bad" because in the end your mind is a tool, not unlike the opposable thumb, that is designed to preserve your existence. Definitions of good and bad are simply raw experience that checked in with your ego. Destroy the ego, free the mind. Death before dying.

    And no, you will not become a mindless automaton. :)

  • -J- says:

    Interesting… fearing death – I am a Christian man, I believe that when i die, I will go to heaven, and that Christ beat death for us. But I fear for my Children at times, that what I teach them, not so much my faith… but little things like tyng their shoes, or teaching them to ride a bike, or how to make hydrogen… little things.

    I worry that i may die and leave things that needed to be said, not said. But when i start thinking about those little things not done, and the bigger thing, my faith in God who loves me, I find myself conforted in knowing that even if the little things are not done, God will take care of those things in his own way.

    I will continue to have faith in God – who will continue to help me in overcoming the fear of death and what it may bring. I realize that someone who does not believe may have a problem with that, but to each their own.

    Thanks for your ideas and scripting techniques.

    -J-

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Todd, -J-,

    Thank you for sharing!

  • Adam says:

    If one wants philosophical comfort regarding the fear of death, there is certainly no better place to start than Plato's dialogues surrounding the trial and death of Socrates. If you have not read them in a while, they are worth the time.

    In regards to previous commentators, I am very surprised by the tame responses so far (ah internet, how uncivil you will make us all!) but wanted to add a few Catholic cents.

    It is unfair to say that all religions are pushy; what is this based on? Encounters with particular people and news stories. But no one ever walks around saying "I believe in God and am a nice guy; have a good day," so these impressions are a non-random sample. Kind believers just do reasonably nice things and you will perhaps never know. Similarly, no newspaper would ever print a story: "Christian guy says he thinks people are okey-dokey." So, thought about concretely, I think that argument is simply based on statistical sample error.

    The same goes for "traditions and dogmas." Imagine walking into a grad school science classroom without ever having taken science before: everyone would speak in strange technical terms, follow somewhat-odd rituals, and believe ridiculous things (you think the speed of light is relative to what?). It has no meaning to you personally, but there is quite deep meaning if you are willing to research before dismissing it out of hand. For example: the robes used by Catholic (and other Christian) priests/ministers during services seem perhaps just old. They are in fact the ancient Roman equivalent of a woman's apron, which would historically have been worn by a man just on the few occaisions when a man today might wear his wife's apron: when serving her family. (Because the priest is, metaphorically, married to the Church, and her family is all men.) Adhering to such impractical customs because of metaphorical beauty is not a sign of close-mindedness, but simply a participation in the emotions and symbols of hundreds of generations of now-dead men. (Which is just one of many reasons not to be afraid of death.)

    As for actual beliefs, I find it interesting how close Todd's Buddhism comes to "orthodox" Christianity. The belief that God created all things means that everything, good and bad, has some purpose to Him. That is philosophical point of the passion: that the greatest suffering of a man and the extreme immorality of other men can all be turned to the good. The purpose of belief is not to draw lines, but to take all things, suffering and success, and do good in spite of (or, because of) them. But this does not prove that all "good" and "bad" are relative; quite the opposite, it demands that we help others in their suffering and depression. But because we so offen forget or slack from this task, all Christian dogmas and rules are (or ought to be) based on the simple goal of making us remember and follow through on this goal. That some men follow these rules blindly does not eliminate their real purpose, indeed it shows that any true religion must be able to accomodate those who are not particularly intellectual (happiness, after all, ought to belong to everyone equally, even if they are unable to have deep theological insight, which is good news for most of us who do not!)

    Anyhow, sorry for the overly-long ramblings. I hope perhaps it has helped.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Adam,

    Thank you very much for explaining your view on it.

  • He's coming with a banjo, that ain't got no strings, and plastic tambourines.

    He don't care if you're not ready, he don't care if you're not dressed.

    You can beg, he won't listen, you can't bribe him with blank cheques.

    'cause he's coming with sunglasses, wrapped around his skull, brass-plated knuckles and a bullet-proof soul.

    He's got everything you own, out on the patio and he's giving it away, to people you don't even know.

    Fear of the unknown is a basic primitive reaction and I regularly see death first-hand so get used to fact of the inevitable.

    Basically it’s because we do not have the capacity to fully comprehend death itself. It’s an experience we’ll all share but I probably won’t have the capacity to acknowledge the conclusion when my number is up.

  • Robert,

    It was great to meet you a few times at SXSW, and thanks for the site design feedback at lunch.

    I understand your fear, and think that many people would admit, in moments of quiet honesty, to similar fears.

    In hopes of offering some encouragement and reassurance, here are some quotes:

    "…he answered me and delivered me from all my fears." <a href="http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=psalm+34&quot; rel="nofollow">Psalm 34:4

    "…fear not, for I am with you" <a href="http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=isaiah+41&quot; rel="nofollow">Isaiah 41:10

    "You will not fear the terror of the night" <a href="http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=psalm+91 " rel="nofollow">Psalm 91:5

    "I will fear no evil" <a href="http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=psalm+23 " rel="nofollow">Psalm 23:4

    "…whoever hears my word and believes him who sent me has eternal life. He does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life." <a href="http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=john+5&quot; rel="nofollow">John 5:24

    "O death, where is your victory?

    O death, where is your sting?" <a href="http://www.gnpcb.org/esv/search/?q=1+Corinthians+15&quot; rel="nofollow">1 Corinthians 15:55

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Robert W, Michael,

    Thank you for your comments!

  • Todd says:

    @ Adam – I believe the arguments that you make. Hence, the reference I made to idea that all religions start with the purest of intentions, around the very idea that you describe.

    I had two comments: One is that I agree wholeheartedly that a religion should be accessible to everyone, regardless of faculties. However, in comparing some of the Catholicism's relatively involved traditions (compared here to a grad-level science class) with other — perhaps simpler — methodologies of other religions, would you say these steeped traditions make the price of entry higher, or lower for the less philosophical or intellectually inclined?

    My second comment would address the idea that was alluded to here, that some (I assume you mean Buddhism for this argument) religions require a higher level of intellect. I would agree with that, but only in part. There is an acute philosophical aspect to Buddhism which attracts a certain kind of person to start to study it. However, I would also argue that people who study Buddhism learn to question everything by the very nature of the subject matter. They begin to ask questions, they begin to explore, they become interested in examining things with interest and with a new found curiosity. I would make the case that Buddhism encourages an individual to become larger than they are, despite any perceived limitation of intellect. They are not in any way encouraged to do something simply because they were told to. To me, this is an exploration that allows for growth and does not support stagnation.

    @Robert – sorry for the digressions, it's just nice to chat about this sort of stuff. Regardless of the outcome, I can sympathize with your sentiments and I appreciate you posting the article. :)

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Todd,

    No worry at all, I love that people are willing to share their inner thoughts and wonderings, especially in a respectful manner.

  • Steve Nies says:

    First let me say that I really appreciate your viewpoint and your courage to talk about this difficult subject. I especially relate to your comment "To one day lose everything I’ve fought so hard for". If a person truly believes that life ends at death then the logical conclusion (at least to me) is to "eat, drink, and make merry because tomorrow we will die". In my opinion that is why alot of people don't want to take the time to consider and research this subject in depth, and instead fill their lives with other activities until one day they do die.

    At one point in my life I was agnostic and didn't know what to believe. It seemed to me that believing in any form of "religion" was to simply ascribe to another man's viewpoints and beliefs. Since that man is also going to die what is the use? How can I know and confirm that any "religion" is actually true?

    That is when I decided to research the subject myself. At this point I can say with great joy and relief that there is a way that has been proven accurate and true. The factual evidence is overwhelming! IMO if anyone takes the time to accumulate and study the evidence that they too will be convinced. The way is a _personal_ relationship with Jesus Christ! Note that I am talking about a relationship here, not a "religion". It's a relationship because "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on him SHOULD NOT PERISH, but have ETERNAL LIFE". (John 3:16) It's a relationship because God actually demonstrates His great love for us!!

    For along time I thought I had to live a good life to earn eternal life – had to go to church on Sunday, not steal, etc. But that is when a friend showed me that I was erroneously trying to "be good" to work my way into heaven. He showed me that God says "For by grace are you saved through faith and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest any man should boast." (Ephesians 2:8-9) Since God says that eternal life is a gift, there is nothing I can do to work for it. I have eternal life by simply accepting Jesus most amazing gift to me – to believe that he was punished and died to pay for my sins personally. This to me is truly GREAT NEWS!

    Sometimes people misunderstand the statement Jesus made when he says that "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6). On the surface that statement seems very exclusive (which it is). But it is not a barrier to keep people out; instead it is actually a plea for people to accept him as Savior. The reason is that I don't know of anyone who claims to lead a perfect life (no bad thoughts, no lies, etc). But God is holy and as such cannot accept sin in His presence. That is why he said "Even so I will by no means clear the guilty." (Exodus 34:7). Since everyone has sinned and God says that the punishment for sin is death, then who can be saved? That is what Jesus meant when he said that no one can come to the Father except through him – that he already completely paid the price for our sin. That if we accept his gift (accepting him as our Savior) that God will declare us without sin and give us eternal life with Him.

    I know that this has been a long missive but I offer it as hope that your life doesn't have to end as you posted – that you can live forever together with God and your family. You have been blessed with an awareness of your own mortality so that you have time to look into this while you are still alive. I beg you not take my word for this, but to research the facts (not opinions of others) yourself and form your own conclusions. I am SO VERY THANKFUL that my friend told me what I am now telling you. It has changed my life! I pray that Jesus message of good news will change yours also!

  • Jens Meiert says:

    Well, what do we really know about death, when we don't really understand life? We try to evaluate life by killing it, as we also try to evaluate death by living. Weird, and what I want to say is that we apparently approach this topic the wrong way.

    Though I had the same thoughts about death, I don't fear it anymore. It's great being dead one day, it's just as great as being alive. And I think one does not need to be afraid of losing something, as we don't own anything. Except our thoughts, which are the greatest and most powerful thing we could ever imagine. Everything we perceive once existed as a thought, and our thoughts will neither die nor will they vanish with our existence. Being is not equal to living, why should it.

    I keep this short, though I could write and swarm on and on. We shouldn't fear so many things – neither rejection from hot women nor death ;) Go ahead everybody, don't waste time (though we probably have more than enough :D)

    PS.

    That reminds me… I just damn need to get rid of the fear to quit smoking, and get the hell out of reach of my computers more often, to enjoy more physical than virtual space… I'm looking hot but little pale, right.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Steve, Jens,

    Thank you for sharing; very interesting!

  • Austin says:

    I have the same fear. I think about it a lot. Dying sucks.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Austin,

    Thanks for sharing my sentiments!

  • Joakim says:

    I share your fear of dying and I have also read/heard that it gets easier to face the older you get. I find this to be true, not because you "grow tired of life", but because you do not trouble yourself with the same kind of philosophical questions anymore. Between working and raising children you will not find the time to think about death. I read a good inscription on a surfers grave in California a few years back that I found true and somewhat comforting. Perhaps its origin is christian, I do not know.

    "Life is a blessing to be lived, not a mystery to be solved"

    Regarding your dreams about dying I recommend the song "Mad World" performed by Gary Jules in the soundtrack of Donnie Darko.

  • Jane says:

    I understand all perspectives rationally and I have looked at it from every possible angle, but sometimes I am so afraid of death/dying that it almost feels like an anxiety attack. This is especially true at night before bed. For no apparent reason my mind wanders to the subject and suddenly I am wide awake and afraid to go to sleep because of the fear I will not wake up. And I cannot imagine the loss of a loved one. It really scares me…

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Joakim,

    I think that's a very accurate description of how people work.

    Jane,

    That's exactly the same way as I feel sometimes.

  • Andria Wiehle says:

    This may sound funny to you, but I just recently had a dream that led me to this web sight. I received the name Michael Mongomery in my dream wrote it down in the middle of the night, looked it up and this guy wrote about you. I appreciate the window to such open thoughts of yours. I have pondered my existence since I was a very young girl. Anyway I have had quiet a journey in life and in my seeking for truth I have found Jesus. Probably more like He found me then waited until I was ready to allow my heart to soften enough to see Him and open my heart to recieve his love. I believe the entire purpose for even living this life is to choose love and to grow in true love…that is have a relationship with God. I believe to live with God in love and for eternity is only through the pure living sacrafice of Jesus Christ who overcame death. Death which is the result of the fall of man intoducing the sinful nature. So I do believe our Souls live on and only through Jesus do we have hope for eternity, with God in love that is. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life!" John 3:16. I believe the love that we share here on earth is glimpses of who God is and helps us to grow closer to Him and grow in Him and grow in love. I believe Jesus is the truth because I know Him and knowing Him has completely transformed me and my life. Now He shows me the reality of His truth more and more everyday as I walk in His light and truth. It is such a Blessing!!! Anyway God Bless You for your open mind! Just a little bit of my heart:)

  • Becky says:

    Dying is nothing to be afraid of, I know I have done it a couple times. When you are faced with the certainty of your death, when you hear those thunderous words "I'm sorry there is no cure, it is a matter of time, how long no one can tell". The fear is all consuming and unrelinting. But you know after a while the thought kind of settles over you like a hazy day, not good, not so bad. After more time you learn to live with it and you get omn with what is left with your life, without regrets and without fear.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Andria, Becky,

    Thank you very much for your comments.

    Becky,

    What you mention might be about the same thing that I saw happen to my father. If you want to talk about it, don't hesitate to send me an e-mail (the address can be found in the About page).

  • Elwin White says:

    Im 33 years old and found that what is going on in your life at the time you think of death reflects what you think about it. for example : I have major depression and when i dont take my medication I think of death constantly and i fear leaving everyone behind , but when i am not depressed I donot think of death or care about it, I only fear it when i think of leaving my 4 year old daughter behind. that is my biggest fear! if there is a life after this an i can see her missing me asking for her daddy and making mistakes and living carlessly because of my death, that is a disturbing thought. That is when i am not even depressed. when i am depressed and think of it i cry and want to be with her every moment. i donot cry in front of her of course. before i had my daughter i asked for death constantly i lived carelessly and didnt care if I died in fact i wanted to die. and i did, I wrecked on my motorcycle at a very high speed and flat linned twice when i was brought back i was in a coma for 10 days my daughter was born but only for a few months during that time my babies mom was driving me crazy and i needed a way out dying was an option i always liked but i missed it . I went throuigh 30 days of recovery in ICU and a month in a half of threrapy learning to walk and feed myself again. I searched for my deceased father the entire time i was in a coma but could not find him if i did would i have left this life to go to the next or was it just my mind searching for him out of missing him? very complicated issue death, and the answer will not be 100 percent becaseu people lie and people dont believe so there is only one way to find out and we all know what that is.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Elwin,

    Thank you for sharing!

    And I agree, it's the thoughs of leaving your kid/-s behind that are the worst.

    Good luck with everything!

  • Ro says:

    Hi, although a bit late in the comment chain, I'm so glad I came across your website. I have had a fear of dying since I was little (I remember my mom being really disturbed that a 5-y-o was saying this to her). I completely relate to what you, Robert and Jane, have described as the panic attack at night, screaming until you make it go away and leave you alone. But for me, I have hypothesized that my panics come from being alone, and thinking I will always be alone. Of course, I think about it less when I am with someone, which I guess is good. Still, I wish I knew how to "kick it". I don't think it is all that encouraging that the only way to "deal with it" is to be distracted.

    So today, finally after 30 years, I decided to start doing some research online (there must be something that can help!), because I'm tired of being afraid. I have felt alone in my fear, not shared by my friends. But coming across this site has made me feel better, at least knowing that there are others out there who share similar experiences. And that is very comforting, so thanks!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Ro,

    Thank you for sharing! It made me very happy to hear that you felt that my post and the comments have helped you in any way. I agree that it's a small comfort if distraction is your best, but, instead, probably by sharing this and talk with people will make it easier.

    I don't think the fear should be supressed; on the contrary, admit that it exists, discuss it and at the same time take comfort in knowing that a lot of other people are afraid too, but they face it and go on living and make the best out of it.

  • scared person says:

    i have a serious fear of dying so much so it ruins my every day! i think about it constantly think about it every minute and belive it will never go away a cling to the thoughts that theres life after death and wish so much someone could prove it to me or reasure me its true im in my 20's and think im wasting my sort life but the feelings never go away i have panic atacks every night and a few time during the day i need help!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    scared person,

    I do sincerely hope for reassurance of an afterlife or any of its like, even if it's not likely to happen. If you feel like that all the time, and don't ever feel good, I think it would be good to get professional help.

  • Justin says:

    I am 17 and began fearing death in 2002 when I was talking to a college professor about dying. I told him that I will accept when I die and I will go to heaven, then he asked me what if there is no heaven. Ever since then my mind has twisted thoughts of dying, I only feel good when im distracted by things during the day. I should be enjoying high school, but even at night when im at my friends' house going to sleep, death will come into my mind and scare me. I always fear it the most when im trying to sleep. I always have to turn on the tv or listen to music or something. It seems as if none of my friends have this problem. I fear death because I would hate not to see the people I love, I would hate to just be nothing (eventhough thats such an inconcievable thought), and I hate the idea ever never coming back. I hate the idea that I will be dead forever and ever and ever. It happens to everyone, but it's so scary to fathom. By the way Robert, I am like you. I am also very successful in life. I wish there could be an answer to our problem…

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Justin,

    First, I'm a bit ambivalent about your college professor's reply: part of me think it's good to challenge certain thoughts, always go through the "what ifs", but on the other hand I'm not sure he's the one who's best suited to raise such thoughts to you.

    With that said, the thought of one day being nothing is truly inconceivable, and I'm not sure what scares people the most. Not knowing what will happen, or knowing for a fact that you will disappear; what is worst?

    Maybe the answer is just trying to accept that we will never know nor control the situation, so maybe it's just better to focus on making as much as possible out of the time that has been given us.

  • John says:

    I found this discussion tonight by typing in random keys and doing a search. I was bored and I didn't feel like sleeping yet. This is exactly what I was looking for.

    I've been a very religious christian my whole life. When I was younger I was one of those people who tried to force feed christianity to others. Many people find this very closed minded and do not respect the person doing it. While I no longer do this, I would just like to share the mindset behind it.

    If you believed very strongly that someone was going to go to hell for all eternity, and you could somehow change their fate (heaven for all eternity), you'd probably do everything in your power to do so. People who try to force religion on others, do so out of compassion, even though it might not seem like it. From their frame of mind, they're desperately trying to help people. Now I'm happy to talk about my faith with others, but I don't try to force anything. I think that the forceful approach usually just pushes people farther away. I'm also not too sure that people go to hell just because they don't believe.

    Now, on to the real subject. When I was a kid I used to be terrified of living forever in heaven. It might sound kind of stupid, but the thought of continuing on without end for all eternity can be pretty scary. Even more terrifying to me is the idea that God might not exist, and that death is the end. This is the feeling that I have in common with many of the people involved in this discussion. Most of the time I can't even feel the fear. I think that it's so frightening to me that I put up mental barriers so I won't be able to think deeply enough into it. However, when I do manage to break through and experience it, I'm overcome with desperation. I feel like I somehow need to find a way to prevent myself from ever dying, but there's nothing that I can do.

    Luckily for me, it is not often that I'm haunted by these thoughts, because I do believe in an afterlife. This may sound very cold, but if there is no afterlife, I don't see a point in trying to live a happy life, or caring about anything. Eventually, everyone will die and it will be as if none of them existed. Nothing anyone does during their lifetimes will count for anything. Whether they had good lives or bad lives, it all equals zero in the end. I'm not trying to be mean in any way when I say this, and I hope you'll forgive me. That's not the way I want things to be, but that's how I see it. Perhaps my view on the subject is obstructed by my christian backround.

    Anyway, from time to time I share your fear. For what it's worth, I'll pray that everyone with these thoughts can find comfort. The song "Even Rats" by The Slip usually calms me down. Sorry for rambling on forever. If you think there's a chance, I hope to see you in the afterlife.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    John,

    Thank you very much for your comment! When it comes to forcing religion upon people, I think it's mainly frowned upon (no matter how good the intention is) because most people believe that it's up to each and everyone to draw their own conclusions and choose their own belief.

    This may sound very cold, but if there is no afterlife, I don’t see a point in trying to live a happy life, or caring about anything.

    It might be offensive to say something like this, but I understand your sentiment. I guess I personally think the idea is to try and be good so no matter if any legacy is left behind, that as many people as possible will have as pleasant a time as possible in their short lives.

  • Shelly says:

    Gosh I'm not alone. I couldn't sleep tonight because, yes once again I was afraid. I wish I could get over it or stop the fear, but it comes over me in waves periodically. Have I not done enough? Sometimes I feel like my being here makes no difference, no one will remember me. I am nothing, but I've tried so hard to do good things and volunteer, to help others. But, in the end, what have I really done? What is next? Is anything next? Yes, I know there is a higher power, but what does that really mean? Why am I so afraid? Why can't I stop being so scared? I don't want to be afraid anymore. I don't want to stop breathing and yet sometimes I hold my breath. What is wrong with me?

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Shelly,

    Thanks for your comment!

    First, I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you. On the contrary, I'd say that that is way more common behavior and thoughts than you think.

    Sometimes I feel like my being here makes no difference, no one will remember me. I am nothing…

    Oh, how I recognize and share these thoughts. Be strong!

  • Jeffrey says:

    I have been enveloped with the thought of death for the past month. Thinking endlessly about it and what happens after we die. I have gone as far as doing research (via the web) on such things as NDE's (Near Death Experiences), studies of mediums and their powers, and reading passages from the bible. All I can say is that I am convinced that there is an afterlife. There is just too much evidence to deny it! Don't get me wrong, while I try to comfort myself with thoughts of the afterlife and what it would be like, I still get depressed in the fact that I would be leaving my wife and daughter.

    I think if I could get some recognition from the other side, maybe from a deceased relative or Jesus or God himself that my fear of dying would melt away.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Jeffrey,

    Thank you for your comment.

    I sure hope you are right about an afterlife. But if you are, like I'm sure you wish, I would also want to, in some way, make sure I could eventually meet up with my family and my close ones there.

  • Jason says:

    Hi there. I'm 19 years old and have watched my life turn unrecognisable in the last 3 years. I rarely see anyone I remember from any stage in my life, and when thinking of the friends from say, school or an old address, its sort of akin to them dying. I'm happy with my partner, but nothing is where I thought it would be, and I even live on an Island (of Wight). I'm terrified of dying, every other night say, looking up, trembling, thinking about what happens. I believe in the sciences, an answer for everything, and the only thing I can think of comparitively, is an endless sleep. But the only thing I remember of dreamless sleeps, is the waking up, so what happens at the end of forever? This becoming nothingness that we all (or a lot of us) fear. And the strange thing is, when I'm racing motorcycles, it doesn't enter my head once, nor after. Just the thought of having a death sentence, even if not as immediate as illness sufferers or being killed. And I find it no help when people say "try to live a nice happy life…" that doesn't help at all. Its like being able to do nothing about having, say a toy, taken from you. If it were a toy, I'd just be able to find something else to amuse myself with/imagine, but if it my very thoughts, memories, awareness, how can I, well, do anything. I don't want it. Its become so bad now the the only real ambition I have (I'v never wanted a perfect job, or idea, always been to ready for retirement, the irony), is to develope Dementia, and.or convince myself that I will go somewhere with my partner, who I can only hope can deal with this better than me. And even then, when I do go, I want to be frozen, and brought back when we've learnt to, and the sad thing, is I'm serious. (PS sorry if this post is huge And is all one paragraph, in the wrong mood to care about grammar :())

  • Chris says:

    I see it as one of two ways: (1) dying rocks! or (2) dying sucks :(. Sorry, sometimes my Beavis and Butthead personality comes out to play :). I'm not sure which scientific law it is, but I believe it's one of Newton's laws of thermodynamics: "matter can neither be created, nor destroyed". Well, the logical conclusion that can be drawn from this, whether or not you believe in a God or higher power, is that "death" is merely a transformation. But what happens to your spirit you ask? You know, that "life force" that makes your trillions of atoms and molecules clump together and "live". That I can't answer, but in my humble opinion, it will be a great adventure.

  • Lou says:

    I am so happy to have found this post. I too have had a terrifying fear of death and dying since I was about 5. In the past week it has come back with a vengence. I am 24 years old and hearing about Steve Irwin dying just triggered something in me. I was diagnosed with Depression 3 years ago and have added anxiety to that in the past week. I have decided to seek professional help because my fear of dying has started to stop me from living. I don't have any religious beliefs and I'm not the sort of person to believe in the afterlife without proof. I sit there thinking "well, life is for living so just get on with it and enjoy it" but then the other thoughts come into my head such as "well, what's the point in doing anything If i'm just going to die anyway" or "I don't want to turn into nothing." I too have also thought along the lines of "well, i didn't know anything before I was born so how will I know what happens when I die" It gets me down so much sometimes. I finally told my Dad about it on Wednesday night so hopefully this time I will be able to get the help I need and to reach a place of acceptance.

    Someone should start up a message board or something about this so that people can get help and know they are not alone. I think it would help lots.

    Thank you for posting this. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Jason,

    Thank you for your comment! Don't worry about grammar; I'm happy that you're willing to share. And, as you say, maybe your journey with your partner will lead you into other thoughts and into a completely new phase in life.

    Chris,

    Interesting view! I only hope we get the change, in some way or another, to be aware of this great adventure! :-)

    Lou,

    Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry to hear about your diagnosises, but I definitely think it was a good move to talk to your father. Being a parent myself, and from looking at my parents, I know (most) parents go through any length to help and support their children.

  • Andrea says:

    I wanted to thank Chris for his thoughts on having already died several times in life and not remembering the people he used to me. That actually makes me feel a lot better.

    A few days ago my dad told me he was taking medication to control his blood pressure because he wanted to live longer. At that moment I realized that my father was going to die one day, along with everyone I know, and also of course, myself.

    Since then I haven't been able to stop thinking about the fact that one day I will no longer exist, and It's been scaring the living daylights out of me. Every time I think about it I start to cry–and I feel ridiculous because I know I'm crying over something that hasn't happened and won't happen for a long time. So I looked online to see what other people think about death, and what Chris said helped me out.

    But I'm still upset about the fact that my loved ones, namely my parents will die; and I'll be alive without them. I don't know how to stop thinking about that :(

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Andrea,

    Thank you very much for sharing. The thoughts you mention are very hard to deal with, but unfortunately, our only option is to face them.

  • Leanne says:

    Hey

    I am sooooo glad to of found this post. I honestly thought i was alone when night time comes and the fear of death overrides me, its comforting to know other people feel the same.

    Like alot of you, i am absolutly terrified to the core, of dying.

    I've also suffered ''attacks'' when i think about death, they consist of me not been able to catch my breath. And its pretty scary stuff.

    I've often pondered life, – Why we are here and things like that, but i didnt start Questioning it, till i lost people i truley loved. I have comfort in believing there is an afterlife, and although people have various oppinions, i begin to panick when somebody says ''once your gone, your gone''

    I hate thinking about this, but things that remind me of my loved ones – usually triggers it off.

    As i've said, im glad im not alone, i just wish i could stop feeling like this.

    Also i NEED to believe i will see my loved ones again, i 've just got to believe that.

    Sorry about the longish post, im just a scared 16 year old who needed to express her feelings lol.

    Thanks x

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Leanne,

    I'm glad that you found comfort in finding that you're far from the only one having these thoughts; to me it's very comforting as well!

    Don't worry about how much you write; you're free to write as much as you want here!

  • Leanne says:

    Thanks very much Robert, i appreciate it x

  • Chris 32 says:

    Hello all,

    I have had a fear of dying for the last 10 years (since i was 21)…I have been to see doctors, been on tablets, read books searched for answers, but still my fear remains. I find it worst at night and during the winter when it gets dark earlier. My mind just starts analyse life and death over and over. Sometimes I forgett for a while and start to enjoy life again, but then the thoughts come back and hits me like a train. Panic attacks, crying, shaking intense fear. My life is so good when I am not scared, and this makes it worst knowing sometime I wiill never ever agian experiance the the wonders of life and the love of my family. I desperatly want someone to take me by the hand and show me where we go and what happens when we die and make it allright.

    I know this sounds really bad but sometims I think about speeding up the process, to find out what happens now and end the constant misery of not knowing. I would never do this, for my families sake.

    I long for help everyday. Am I being selfish? I think I am, but I also fear for all my family especially my wife and daughter.

    Sorry to burden you with my woes, but I guess I am reaching out wherever I can.

    Maybee I will never know.

    Love to you all….

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Chris,

    I'm really happy that you want to share your opinions here. I do relate to the need of knowing, but, like you say, speeding up the process might not help. Maybe that just leads to you never knowing, anyway.

    Love your family and just make sure that you have the best time possible with them as long as you can. Thinking about these things sure makes petty arguments at home seem like such a waste of time…

  • Leanne says:

    Chris,

    I feel exactly the same as you, i just want somebody to show me what happens so i can enjoy my life without having this constant burden, and i agree with you that the fear is worse in the winter and the dark nights :-(

    Hope you find comfort from somewhere.

    Leanne xx

  • Sarah says:

    Hello, well as all of you, my fear is death. I am only a young teeneager now, but it feels like yesterday since I was just starting school. When I look around me in a public busy place, I see many old people, which I dont have a problem with. I then realise that one day if I make it , I myself will be old. Then what happens. Death cant be expalined to anybody. The way you deal with it is the way you accpet it. Nobody knows what happens after death. If all feelings and emotions are not to be known then we will feel nothing? But is nothing something? Nothing must have something to it to make it a nothing, maybe I am coming accross like i have thought deeply about this, but that is only because everyday I panic that I wont be around my security – Life itself. People say ''Live each day as if its your last'' But then wouldnt you quit your job and tick the boxes on your 'to do list'? Maybe we should, but how would be survive? I hope that when death comes I can still think my thoughts and remember my memorys enough to help the living with the same feelings, maybe thats what ghosts try to do, but dont succeed. Who Knows anything really. All I know that is, we cant find out how to stop our fears with out medical advice, they will alwys be there, so instead of wasting time and life thinking about whats after life – Be life, Live life and Love life like you know no other.

    Thanks for your time in reading some advice,! x

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Sarah,

    Absolutely, live life to the fullest! To me, it doesn't necessarily mean to quit your job and just go do anything that comes into mind, but rather just try to make sure that you don't regret what you do and the choices you make.

  • Jimmy says:

    It does feel better to know that there are people out there that have the exact same thoughts, fears, and panic/anxiety attacks.

    I've had these fears since I was 6 years old. I remember asking my older brother what happens after death, and he had no answer. It started because I was trying to figure out the size of the universe, and realized that it is a never-ending expanse, that time will go on forever. Which means that I'll be dead for just as long, an eternity. I cannot overcome that fact no matter what anyone says. I have also heard that it gets easier as people get older. I am now 29 year old and I still have panic attacks when I think of it (and a lot in the past couple of months). I don't have trouble breathing, but I do panic. I know that I can distract myself and forget about it, but I sometimes don't want to because I know that no matter what, I will ultimately have to face it. That's about the time that I feel like screaming. Sometimes I do a short little scream to "get it out". I have these thoughts at night. It isn't scary in the daytime, and with people around.

    I recently told my wife about it, and I feel much better that she knows how I feel. However, the feeling that I will still be alone and not be able to communicate with her for all time freaks me out.

    I am still looking for an answer, but this is what I've come up with in the meantime. I asked myself, "when I'm on my deathbed, what would I have wanted to achieve in life to be OK to die". This will differ with everyone, but for me, it is to have wonderful, loving children. It is to have loved my wife for many years, loved my family as much as anyone could be loved. It is to know that my legacy will go on through my children. To know that people have been influenced by me positively, that I've made a difference in this world. That I've laughed as much as I could, and have had many, many deep thoughts and conversations. So, that is what I aim to achieve by the time it's going to end. I recently read an inspirational speech made by Steve Jobs of Apple fame, which talks of death as something to inspire to be all that you can be while alive. Here is a link to that speech: http://tillthend0.spaces.live.com/Blog/cns!B92B8B

    After all these years, this is the first time that I have tried to delve deeper into the subject by searching for "fear of dying" on Google. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone. Thanks for the entry, and for everyone's comments.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Jimmy,

    Thank you very much for sharing! I'm glad that you've shared your fear with your wife so she can better understand you.

    When it comes to children and finding meaning in life, I started feeling a lot better after my daughter was born. My main objective with life now is to make her life as good as possible, and I will do whatever it takes. If/when you get children, I'm sure you will find it just as wonderful as I do!

  • Leanne says:

    Jimmy,

    I love this part of the speech '' Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. ''

    When i have my 'attacks' i usually say a prayer and im ok after a few mins.

    I read this somewhere and hope it inspires you like it did me.

    'Life is a blessing to be lived, not a mystery to be solved'

    I truely believe that heaven exists and this life is just a spiritual journey to prepare us.

    Leanne xx

  • i feel exactly the s says:

    When reading this I felt as if I had written it myself.

    I have the same fears and I can't understand how everyone walks around all day without freaking out about the fact that we will all stop existing some day. We will all some day die and that is it.

    Is doesn't matter what happens after your dead because you don't exist anymore.

    I am with a woman who is religious and has no fear of dying. I wish I could think and belive like that. I have studied phylosiphy, the mind religion and more. And it doesn't matter if you are happy and have a kid or not. I do and I am but that doesn't make death any less scary.

    There is no such thing as a sole, everything you are is within your body and mind. Your feelings are a combination of ellectical pulses and chemical reactions. They can be effected easily by adding chemicals into your system which help make that point.

    I like that argument if you don't believe in god you go to hell. To me that would sure beat not existing at all.

    You are no more important than an ant. or a fish at the bottom on the ocean. To think you are may make you feel better but it doesn't make it real.

    If you can distract yourself with hobbies and travaling like I do then maybe that's the best. For me it's getting harder and harder to disctract my self from the ultamite KNOWN. Funny when people call it the unknown.

    We see life dying around us all the time. We know exactly what happens.

  • Cory says:

    hello, i am a 18 year old male who suffers from an intense fear of death. im always upset,very fatigued,my apetite and sleep are all messed up,and i feel theres nothing to do, therapy and/or medicine may help but that will not make death go away, i just feel like im always going to be miserable and there is no hope. Being Horrified of something that is certain to happen is a wretched feeling that i will never escape. im glad most of you find it comferting that others feel the same way, i wish i could say the same. i am also glad to hear that some pepople use the thought of an afterlife to put there fear at bay. But i unfortunately do not have that ability. i dont know what to do and i dont expect anyone else to know either. ill always be like this… and its ruining my life. thanks for hearing my sorrow.

    Cory

  • Robert Nyman says:

    "i feel exactly the same way", Cory,

    Thank you very much for sharing. Ultimately, as far as I know, we will die, and it's a fact we have to live with. My only solace is to live life as good as possible, be kind to others and just leave your little footprint in the world.

  • My mother is 98 years old. Yesterday she fell and broke her left hip. We were later told she could not undergo surgery, it is a death sentence. The call of my mothers fall, and the paramedics were on the way, came a few minutes after I received a call from a dear friends wife, that her husband was dead, he had committed suicide. Death? My mother believes she will see God because of Jesus Christ dying for her sins, and the sin of the entire world, from Adam and Eve to the last sin on the earth. Is she wrong? My friend, born a Jew, lost hope in life. What is life really about? With all the order in the universe, are we to believe this is all there is. It is obvious that man will not survive himself. It is obvious that there are forces at work in man, sadly it is not Love, but hate.

    When hate is projected in family’s, it is tragic. When self hate comes to suicide, tragic. When hate becomes a national agenda, as in the Middle East, the entire world pays the price, does it not?

    Mankind has always looked outside himself for answers. Few have found truth. After years of study, I have found truth for me. I believe man is a sinner by nature. We have thoughts that cannot be explained. They come without warning, and if acted apon, would wreak havoc far worse than we now have. We have good thoughts also, far few are acted upon. Why? We have a nature than man can not explain. The Bible calls it a “fallen nature”. Fear? Is that what drives a man to except Jesus Christ? If need be. The Bible is one-third prophecy. I have studied the nation of Israel, the over 300 prophecies Jesus Christ fulfilled from the old testament for over 45 years. The call today by any nation for the destruction of Israel is right on time. The Euro Union, the computers that can track of 5 billion bits of info per second? Get a grip on reality. You can cut the tension in this world with the ole knife. The greatest lack in the world today is the lack of leadership. The premise that one man can make a great difference is still the one the world is searching for.

    This man will be revealed in the settlement of the Middle East problems, that will blow up full scale in the coming years, closer than we think. Israel is going to attack Arab states with full force, defy the world, and pay a horrible price. Then comes the man of sin, according to the Bible, with his peace on earth plan, the world buys into it. The third temple get built in Jerusalem on Temple Mount. This is what the Bible claims. When was this going to happen? Shortly after Israel would be reborn as a nation. They would become a strong nation, and the entire world would eventually come against her. Do we see this? Without a doubt.

    What does this have to do with death? Everything. The Bible states it simply, man is a sinner by birth, and by choice. In need of salvation. The Bible states that Jesus Christ paid the debt that man cannot pay before God. One God, one Salvation, One Way. The Bible claims man is eternal. Will live forever, somewhere. What is Hell? I do not know. But, I do know this, Jesus Christ is God’s provision for all mankind. Death should be feared, states the Bible. It states it simply, “The soul that sins will surely die.” That is all of us. So, if you do not accept the death of Jesus Christ, His blood attoning for your sin, there is no hope. Jesus stated it this way, “You are dead while you yet live.”

    That is tragic. If you believe in God, you must also believe in Satan and demons. Jesus did. The Bible is full of living examples of demons at work in the world then. Do you really believe there is not a dark side? Get real!!!

    The Bible states that Satan is the author of confusion. Jesus called any belief that takes you away from Himself dying for yours sins, “Doctrines of Demons”. Was He a liar?

    I advise you to read C.S. Lewis books, Mere Christianity would be a great start. Make no mistake about it. There is life after death. Make sure you do not allow yourself to be fooled by the many religions who claim to be the truth. The Jews, for the most part, have not accepted Jesus Christ as Messiah. They will. The Bible states is clearly, “It is appointed to man once to die, after that, the judgement.” Fearful? Yes, it is a fearful thought, a man appearing before a perfect judge, who knows you inside out. No man will stand apart from the Blood of Jesus Christ attoning for his sins. Do not trample the Blood of Jesus Christ under your feet. The Bible states it clearly again, “The preaching of the Cross is foolishness to those who are perishing.” You best weigh the generation in which you live. This may clearly be the one who sees the last portions of Bible prophecy come to pass.

    God is Love. Not willing that any should perish, but all come to repentance. I do not claim to understand God, His plan working out in the earth. Mans mentality is one of pride, “Well, if I were God, I would have done it this way.” How could a righteous God allow …………………..” It goes on forever. Mohammed claims Allah came to him to straighten out the errors of the Christians and the Jews. Oh, really?

    Israel is God’s timeclock for mankind. It is a small thing to God, death. He has been watching man die since the son of Adam and Eve. Billions. Death is complete in every generation. It is total. No one escapes.

    For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes on Him will not persish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

    For if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9

    Do you want salvation? Look deeply into the claims of Jesus Christ. Do not face God on your own merrit. The Bible clearly warns you. I do not understand the Love of God towards me, but I do believe Him.

    God works through His Word. Read the Gospel of John and the Book of Romans. Give God a chance make His offer clear to your Spirit.

    Closing……..My mother will be with God in the coming days. Ray, accepted Jesus Christ as his saviour, the Ultimate Blood Sacrifice.

    AMAZING GRACE HOW SWEET THE SOUND THAT SAVED A WRETCH LIKE ME? One of the most sung songs in the world, do not miss the truth of it. Pray to God to make His Word come alive in your Spirit.

    I will be praying for you.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    George,

    Thank you for your comment.

  • Matt says:

    My, I came to this rather late, it seems. : )

    Given that I only recently turned eighteen, I slightly regret the fact that I spend my nights pondering the same questions you raised, Mr. Nyman. I am young! Full of life! Vigor! Vitality! Virility (though that one isn't as well-advertised, I should think)!

    And here I am, with that horrible sinking sensation tugging on my stomach everytime I seriously think about death.

    It's a miserable thing, but, like many before me, I can take some comfort in knowing that I am not alone in these thoughts. I suppose I fear the idea of nothingness most of all – the (harsh) reality that after my death I won't feel a thing and the world will continue for years outside my perception. I don't even know if I can properly explain why it scares me so, though I imagine that once I eventually puzzle it out, I'll be better able to accept my 'final destination.'

    It's a tad ironic, with that in mind, that I'm a fairly content fellow overall, and have improved my manner of living significantly because of that fear of death. It's a powerful motivator, as one can imagine, to live my life as best I can, with the ultimate goal of not having any regrets whenever my life does come to a close.

    One might even call it paradoxical, though, that I should be so terrified by the thing that forces me to enjoy every moment of life.

    Much like some of the previous posters, I haven't found an answer to my questions. But I'm glad I'm not the only one asking those questions – and certainly not the only one bringing it up in a public place for other people to discuss the issue in detail.

    Thanks for the post, Mr. Nyman.

    – Matt

  • Sarah says:

    Hello again, Ive been reading some comments and some feedback, and its great to see that we are all in this together. You cant stop death, at one point or another you will die, worryin about it, isnt going to stop it, so whilst your alive, dont worry. worrry when the time comes to save regrets.

    Life isnt fair, not one single bit of it, not for rich or for poor, or for colour or for fear. Everyone wants what they want. What gets to me is how can god take away people that make a differnce to what this world has come to, does god even decided who lives or die, he is the greater power, if so why take away Mother Tersea or Princess Diana within weeks of each other, and keep dreadful murders on earth?

    Live free, play loud , have fun , die proud*

    Keep it in mind instead of filling your mind with fear.

    All the best xXx

  • Leanne says:

    I could not of put it better myself.

    If it took one person to get the world to listen it was Princess Diana, & her and Mother Teresa were the most inspiring women on this planet, ever.

    Its so hard to understand why God has taken them, when like sarah said, there is murderers still roaming free.

    The question of WHY will always plough our minds, but i do believe we'll all meet again someday, somehow, somewhere.

    For now – enjoy life. xxxxxxx

    'We are not human beings on a spiritual journey, we are spiritual beings on a human journey.'

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Matt, Sarah, Leanne,

    Thank you very much for your comments, and for continuing the discussion!

  • Daniel says:

    I am 16 years old, and for the last 3 years of my life I have been obsessed and paranoid about death. I know that your consciousness leaves your body when you die, and there is a sufficient amount of scientific evidence to prove so. But I still have doubts of another parallel universe. I really hope there is a God out there.

  • David says:

    Why do you think your consciousness leaves your body when you die?

    Why do you believe there is a god?

    What is it?

    If you believe in heaven where is it?

    How will you think without a mind?

    How will you feel with out the chemical reactions required to produce feelings?

    How will you exist when you stop existing?

    Is there any evidence that one “sole” out of the billions that came before us continued even for a second pass?

    I see no evidence of any of it. God was created by fearful people, I don’t blame them because reality sucks.

    Our imaginations are powerful things. Mankind has feared death forever.

    Some build pyramids thinking that would be the way to live forever.

    Mummifying a body, maybe that is the way to live on.

    All I see throughout history are people grabbing at any little tiny bit of hope that contrary to all we see and know there must be something after this, right.

    There is evidence that there might have been life on mars as found on a meteorite found in Alaska. Not life like us but the start of life “Where life can exist life will exist”.

    Please cherish your lives, please cherish everyone else’s life and respect them.

    The evidence points to us ceasing to exist when we die, so don’t be in a rush.

    Telling people there is a god may make us feel better but it doesn’t make it real.

    I think it’s dangerous because people now believe they are going to a better place when they die. If people are taught that most likely you will stop existing then maybe they won’t be to quick to end it all, or end it for anyone else.

    Life doesn’t exist for a reason, it just is.

    When a volcano explodes and kills everything is its path or fires burn and kill everything it its path after time life makes it’s way back. But it’s not the same life that died, it’s knew life.

    Love life. Live it as long as you can.

    Where is the end of the universe?

    What’s on the other side?

  • Barry says:

    AND IN THE END…THE LOVE YOU MAKE IS EQUAL TO THE LOVE…

    YOU TAKE….

    LENNON/McCARTNEY

  • Leanne says:

    The matter of fact is : Nobody knows, we all have our own beliefs and faith, and thats the way life will be.

    Who knows whats out there, all i can say is 'believe what you want to believe, its your life'

    Leanne xx

  • Dawn says:

    I truly believe there are no coincidences in life and once again I am proven right! I was researching Phobia's – because I wanted to write an article about the "Fear of Dying".

    Finding out how people really feel has been a challenge and then I came across this amazing post. I believe that the vast majority of us do fear death but do not discuss it openly…that's what makes this post so wonderful. Some of you share thoughts and feelings that so many can identify with and take comfort in knowing they are not alone.

    As for myself, I too have intense fears at times that have grown worse since the loss of three of my family members. I take comfort where I can and read many books such as Deepak Chopra's "Life after Death". The story of Mellen-Thomas Benedict was particularly comforting to me. You can read it here: http://www.mellen-thomas.com

    Dawn

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Daniel, David, Barry, Leanne, Dawn,

    Thank you very much for your comments!

  • Virginia says:

    Have any of you read the book "THE POWER OF NOW?" If not, please read! It could be life changing for you.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Virginia,

    Thanks for the tip!

  • Malin says:

    I hope I'm not too late, I hope you'll see this.

    I'm from Sweden, so you have to excuse my spelling and grammar.

    I'm 18 years old and I have feared death every now and then – a feeling that always returns – but recently it got a lot worse. It seems I can't stop thinking about it. It has taken over my life. At first I just thought about it at night when I tried to sleep, lying alone in my bed, staring out in the dark. I have shed a lot of tears, and I have just stopped crying as I write this. This fear has sort of taken over my life. Whatever I'm about to do, the fear is there. I can't study, I can't sleep, I can't embrace my loved ones without getting a weird feeling in my stomach. Like a void I cannot fill. And I cry, too often.

    These last days I've been hoping for someone to break my heart. No, I mean it! I WANT someone to hurt me in such ways that it brings me throbbing pain, so that I can take my mind off this fear of dying. Make me heartbroken, from that I can heal. But this i cannot heal. This I cannot look beyond.

    I've thought about other fears in life. Being afraid of heights, e.g. To overcome such a fear you should try to expose yourself to situations when you have to deal with your fear. I've been trying to find a way to overcome this fear, but I haven't been able to find a good way to deal with it. I am still so young, and that is the only thought that eases my sorrow at this moment. But I fear the death of my beloved ones too. I am so afraid of being left behind, of having to say goodbye. I love my family so much, and I tell them this every day. I hold them tight EVERY DAY, and I get tears in my eyes as I do this. I just don't want this to end, but I know I can't do anything to prevent it from doing that. That is also a frightening thought; not being able to change what lies ahead. We all have to face death, that is the only thing that is absolutely sure. The thought of just disappearing, of not existing, scares the hell out of me. It makes me feel sick to my stomach when I think about it, cause I can't even imagine what will happen. When I picture myself dead, it feels like it's a movie or maybe a game. "Game Over" and let's start over. But then I realize that it's not a game. It's too real, and it will happen to me too. I will not escape death, no matter how much I want to.

    Unfortunately I don't believe in God. I believe in science and therefor I think my life will end as I take my last breath. I will be no more. I don't think we have a purpose. And I don't think we have a soul. I want to think otherwise, but I don't find anything that supports other theories. I believe we think more of ourselves than we are. We don't own this world, and it is not our world alone. We just happened to get to live in it, and we will die in it. That is what the aching inside of me tells me, but I still cling to a ray of hope. That we will live on after death, or maybe be reborn as something else. But I hope that there is a life after this. That I will see my loved ones again; in a better place, in a better world. That life is just a trial, and that everything will be alright once we have died. If I only knew that this was true..

    That is why I hate being a human being; we always try to find an answer, we always want to know. We have this thirst for knowledge, but this we cannot quench. But maybe it's a blessing that we don't know about death. Maybe we can't handle the truth, maybe it's better than we think of it. No one knows for sure.

    Someone said:

    "Death is the most beautiful thing there is, and therefor we leave it to the end."

    Is there and end to all that has begun?

    Is there a cure to all that has broken?

  • Neal says:

    Malin,

    How terriably sad that an 18 year old feels the way you do.My heart goes out to you but let me share a few things before I too am gone.

    I am 72 years old and think about my own death very often and what legacy or should I say lack of a legacy I am leaving behind.

    In my 72 years I have lived and made many mistakes and many choices that have affected many people.Some choices affecting the people in a very positive way and other choices affecting people in a very negative way. These were my choices and decisions which I will be forever judged by.They are done and over with and I cannot correct them or go back nor would I really want to relive those moments so I just continue on making the best of a very difficult life situation.

    I one time believed in the whole concept of God,Jesus, and The Holy Ghost but (man) the brethren in a church took all of that away so now I am left without faith or hope but I live on and now must make a new life without this doctrine.

    Somehow we as humans can rise above extreemly difficult objects and exceed where everyone else has failed.

    You must not give up and simply keep on doing the things that bring joy and satisfaction in your life no matter what that might be. Good luck and try not to dwell so much on the here after but make each day count as a reward for yourself.Try doing something good for yourself or someone else each and every day and you will have a better outlook.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Malin,

    Thank you very much for sharing! I'm sincerely sorry that you feel that way, but I have to say that all I can say is the same as Neal: Don't give up! Be strong! I think the only solution is to focus on on the things and to try and make the most out of life, since trying to figure death out and find a solution/explanation will just make you feel even more sad.

    Neal,

    Thanks a lot for your comment and for your advice!

  • Malin says:

    Thank you so much for answering. It really means a lot to me, having people to talk to about this. I've got some friends, too, that I can share these thoughts with, and it really makes it a lot easier to carry this burden.

    I don't know what has happened to me. I skipped school today and just lay in bed all morning. And suddenly everything feels better. I'm still very afraid of dying, but at this moment I don't panic as I think about it. Maybe I've cried so many tears that there are none left. I guess I have more or less come to terms with the unchangeable fact that there is nothing I can do about it, so what's the point in dwelling on what may or may not happen? This is me when I'm positive, or maybe it's just a result of me being so fed up with crying all the time.

    I will try to live every day as if it were my last, and appreciate all that we have here in this world. My family and friends, the sunset, shooting stars, love, basketball and just all the things that make me happy. It is not a soothing thought that this is all the time I've got, but if so may be it, I shouldn't waste one single second. I'm used to expecting the worst and then make the best out of the situation, so that's what I'll try to do this time as well.

    Thank you again – all of you – for all that you have written. It has sincerely helped me, and hopefully I can continue living my life now, despite the growing fear of mine. We're in this one together, right?

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Malin,

    We're definitely in this together! :-)

    You're far from alone.

  • Carrie says:

    I also feel much better having found this thread…though I've been crying while reading.

    Until recently, I thought about death occasionally. Waves of fear would come over me and they would leave as quickly as they came. However, after the birth of my first child I developed a preoccupation with death. I guess suddenly feeling like I had to stick around for this little sweetheart made me think about saying goodbye someday.

    I really hope this sadness and fear will diminish, as it's so darn painful.

    I recently heard a story about an elderly woman that comforted me. She had lived a wonderful and rich life but grew tired with physical ailments and finally felt like she wanted to leave this world and stopped eating. I think it's hard for us to imagine that we might WANT to leave.

    Also, on a neurobiological level, fear diminishes in our later years, which helps us get ready to depart.

    Robert, thank you so much for starting this very important post.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Carrie,

    Thank you for sharing!

    And yes, I sincerely believe/hope one's attitude will change later in life, that one will feel more balanced and have come to terms with the notion of dying.

  • […] have this short time in our lives. Would you want to know?   Related reading I’m afraid of dying Hurt Posted in Personal/life Add to: D […]

  • Leanne says:

    I hope everybody who reads this thread does find some kind of compfort.

    This quote is quite compforting to me – “Death is the most beautiful thing there is, and therefor we leave it to the end.” So thank you Malin for posting that.

    I hope you all get what you want out of this life and live it to the full, i dont think we will ever know whats next after death, but as Princess Diana once said ''Life is just a journey''

    Take Care

    Leanne xxxxxxx

  • Morgan says:

    -Beforehand, I just want to apologize for the paragraph structure etc, it's nearly 1 am, and I'm slightly scatterbrained-

    Here I find myself, I've been 17 for about 8 minutes so far(12:08 when I started writing this). Yet, it's not a joyous occasion. Just a sobering reminder that it's one more year that I won't have. I should be happy, I still have my youth, I'm doing well physically, I couldn't be more satisfied with how intelligent I am, I should be another carefree teenager, yet I'm still incessantly plagued by this demon so to speak on my shoulder, that chilling reminder that, inevitably, one day I'm not going to be here. I just cling to the ridiculous hope that one day, by the time I'm 60 medical technology will be advanced enough to prolong death by 50 or so years, and by that time, they will have figured out why exactly we die, then we can stop it. If not that, then I'm going with being cryogenically frozen, at least there I've got a glimmer of hope, I just refuse to accept this fate, it may happen to everyone else, but not me.

    I wish I were a religious person, I earnestly do, yet science has completely erased that notion from my mind. Yet, if there were the Christian God, or any other for that matter, if they were truly all-knowing and benevolent, I hope that I would not be damned for something that I cannot help. Yet as it is right now, I would much rather go to this "Hell" than to have that eternal black abyss which is what I think death is at this moment. I can't fathom the nothingness as odd as it sounds, I can't fathom not having my future wife or my future children, my loved ones, it's just unbearable to have well, nothing. As someone put it so well in an earlier post, I refuse to accept that everything that I worked so hard to achieve being unjustly stripped from me, those emotions I worked so hard to develop, it's just not possible.

    This is a typical night for me, staying up into the hours of the morning thinking of dying, yet my girlfriend, she helps when I'm able to talk with her. I feel somewhat guilty though, it's awful to burden others with something such as this, I hope that I won't influence my younger brother, I would love for him to grow up and be a religious person, I would hate for him to live as I do, with this constant worry. I sometimes think of "speeding up the process" as well, but in my heart I know I could never do it, but I think of it sometimes, just to end this grief, as unrealistic as it sounds. I can't say that I'm comforted by knowing that other people feeling the same way sadly, but it feels better to let people know how I feel, I can't tell you how much I appreciate this. I'll be sure to back, and I thank you for taking the time to read this. This won't stop the tears, or the panic attacks, or the times when I can't catch my breath, but it's early in the race, maybe there is hope after all.

    P.S.

    Needle in the Hay, by Elliot Smith is an amazing song (from The Royal Tenebaums)

    So is I Will Follow You Into the Dark by Deathcab for Cutie (warning: it's ridiculously depressing, but sometimes it feels good to cry)

    I'll be sure to return, thank you so much.

    Morgan

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Morgan,

    Thank you very much for the courage to share!

    I think that my thoughts about became the strongest during my late teens (I'm 32 now). I have to say that, while I'm still afraid of dying, the feelings have subsided a little.

    Throughout life I've tried to make sure that I take chances and make sure I get/take the opportunity to do as much as possible, but not on the expense of others, of course. And, to me at least, with all the things I've done, travels I've undertaken etc, it has helped me to find at least some peace; seeing all the beauty in life and beyond all the evil that happens every day.

    And, as mentioned above, then having my children has really become the final piece in the puzzle. Now I think that I, mostly, have come to terms with that I can't change anything, and instead just try to be as happy as possible, and make people around me that too.

  • tina says:

    I believe there is life after death and the God does exist and wants us to do our best here on earth.There are many lessons we must learn and everyone has a reason for being here. I too am so very scare to die. But someone once told me the living are the dead ones and the dead are the living,don't know if i believe this but i hope it's right. Everyday i feel like i am dying and i get scared to no end. But i only hope God will let me live a long and wonderful life with my family.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    tina,

    Thanks for commenting! I do wish you a wonderful life!

  • MARY says:

    I am 27 years old and I have the biggest fear of death. about 4 months ago my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer and ever since then I cant stop thnking of death . It seems like everytime I turn on the T.V some one is dying . Recently my boyfriends cousin passed he was my age the night before he died we all hung out and the next day he was gone . I just dont know how to stop thinking about it every day. or at least stop the fear of it … need some advice … thanks

  • Robert Nyman says:

    MARY,

    Thanks for your comment! While this advice might not sound any good, I think the only option to stay sane about is to focus on the good things. You can never get over the fact that we will all die, just try and come to terms with it.

    We can never win over death, only try and not let the fact break us.

    My father got prostate cancer at the age of 60, and he survived it for 4 years before it took his life. The cancer eventually spread and it led to unthinkable: my father dying.

    I sincerely want to give you my best wishes to your dad in his fight against the cancer. Some people do make it through, and there is still hope.

    All the best!

  • noralee says:

    I am not religious and, honestly, I think that is a detrement in my case. I get the same "waves" totally out of the blue…even during a funny movie, or if I am with my loved ones.. I literally "shake it off", but inevitibly, it comes back….maybe not the same day, or even for a while, but it does come back. This has happened all of my life, and I am tired of living my life with these thoughts, but they will not go away! The thought of no longer existing absolutely terrifies me. Can someone please help me put this all in a healthy perspective (nothing religious, please) so I don't end up an old woman on her death bed regretting wasting her life worrying about dying?! Thanks!!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    noralee,

    Thanks for your comment.

    My humble advice is to just try to shake it off, just as you say you do. Try and come to terms with it, and just focus on other things.

    Easier said than done, I know.

  • shane says:

    About 2 months ago, I had bad chest pains and had taken too much caffenine in my body.(POP, CAFF. Pills.) I had serious panic attack, thinking my heart was done for and I was dying for sure. Well over the course, they did multiple heart, whole body searches and Im great. Well, if you saw me two months ago to now, you'd think i was perfectly better. I think in a degree Im about 85% better. I worry about death a couple times a day….and worry about my life. Tho, I do have a marriage comin up, I have a 1 yr old baby and my lifes harder now. I think Time heals everything…and yes I believe in afterlife but i still have fears…i still worrry. Some days are alot better then others…but stress helps you worry…..I hope to be perfect like I was before the 2 months ago.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    shane,

    Good luck recovering!

  • Janice Mosier says:

    Who would have thought all of these thoughts would be found in one place! I accidently got here because I was seeking inspirational thoughts for presentation at a TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) meeting. As always have fought my weight so was looking for some good advice to pass on to the others in the group.

    Surely death is one experience that every human shares. Along with breathing, bowel functions, eating, and other daily necessities, but nothing holds the mystery for each of us with the exception of death. At the age of 70 I know it is on the horizon and I've been giving it some thought lately.

    I think my main concern is in the way it will happen. I fear a sudden demise, either by a stroke or heart attack or accident ( so many things undone, unsaid, if it hits suddenly, unexpectedly) and almost would prefer a lingering illness (hopefully without excessive pain). But since we are not given a choice it is the great mystery that faces us all.

    Not alot of my thoughts go into what lies after death. I have never been a great navel contemplator. Never wondered why was I born, why am I living?

    My body has existed for all these years but is showing signs of wear and tear (think of a 70 year old car) but it's still running and I appreciate that, although have a few rattles and sagging fenders. I won't miss it all that much!

    In reading all of these thoughts on death it is for sure we all share common thoughts. We should take this and try to be kind to one another. At any rate life is short even if we live to 100. Peace to all that get to this website.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Janice,

    Thanks for your comment! I agree, it's a great mystery which we most likely never will be able to understand (and perhaps it's best that way).

    Be kind to each other is a great advice!

  • Mary Beth Long says:

    I accidentally came across this site while surfing about death. I’m an older person in ill health who has been consumed lately with great apprenhension about dying. Aging hasen’t made me come to terms with it either.
    However, reading these posts has shown me that others share some of my same concerns and this has really made it a bit easier for me.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Mary Beth,

    Thank you for your comment!
    If it in any way could help, I’m sincerely glad.

  • andrea says:

    I completely understand you. for as long as I can remember, I`ve had the same fears. I`m only 22, and it fells like I`m going crazy! Not a day goes by without me panicking about death. I`m seriously considering going to a psychiatrist with this, beacuse its ruining my life. I can`t enjoy my children the way I should, because I`m so afraid of dying, or loosing them.

    It`s like I`m a totally different person, and that I don`t belong on this earth….

  • Robert Nyman says:

    andrea,

    If you feel that way, and think that a psychiatrist is a good option, by all means, see one. I hope you can also take comfort in the comments found here, and elsewhere on the Internet, to see that it is a pretty common phenomenon and you are far from alone with those feelings.

  • andrea says:

    After finding this page, I kind of feel better. the fear of dying is still there, but in a strange way it`s kind of reassuring knowing that I`m not alone with these fears and thoughts, and I think that can help me the times I get anxious about death. We`re not alone.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    andrea,

    I'm glad to hear that.

  • Debe says:

    Your thoughts and mine are parallel. I think most people refuse to allow themselves to think about it or they use religion to deal with the terror and fear that comes when thinking of your own demise. I haven't found a thing that works for my own terrors. My Dr. said that what works for him is the fact that no one has come back from the dead to complain about it to him, so perhaps it's not to bad. For awhile that helped but then it stopped helping.

    Like you, I have a fantastic life. Most of the things I've found online dealing with constant thoughts of death are for the suicidal, which I am not, in fact, I'm as far opposite from suicide as you can be, I want my life to last forever as I'm enjoying it so much.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Debe,

    Absolutely, it's good to point out that this is the exact opposite of being suicidal. It's about loving life and not just wanting it to end!

  • TONI says:

    I'm glad I found all of you to chat with. For the last month I have been terribly obsessed with death and afraid and what happens to us etc. I am in my 40's and I have lost a couple of friends suddenly and since then I have obsessive thoughts about this. When I try to bring this up to anyone they look at me like I'm crazy and they all seem like it does not bother them so I have let it go and just starting looking for things to read online. Here is what I really think. I think if you are lucky you live your life out naturally until its time to go and then there will be a peace for all of us. The problem is I use to believe there was an afterlife and the more and more I thought about it, I feel we just do not exist. I want desperately to think there is something else but recently I just cannot. My best friend died of leukemia in 4 days, 4 days and she had 3 children and so much to live for. When I saw her lying in her coffin I thought she looked awful, like she struggled on her way out. It seems that everyone forgets about you fast to. As you can see I am troubled by all of this and trying to find some answers. I am probably going to start going to church again. I really need some peace from this

    HUGS

  • Robert Nyman says:

    TONI,

    Thank you for your comment! I'm glad if you could find any comfort in this article and its comments! I'm sincerely sorry for your friend and her poor family.

    Just recently I attended a funeral for a friend to my family, who got cancer and then was gone in one week. It is really terrible, and even more exasperating knowing that we can't change or affect such things.

    I don't propose that we should be apathetic or blind for these facts, but my humble suggestion is to acknowledge how fragile life is, and then move on to enjoying the short time we have here.

  • destara says:

    I am kind of releavied and saddened at the same time that someone feels and thinks the same way I do, and experience the dreams you dont want to call dreams because they are so real. I try to explain to people what is like while you are awake with the fright of things most people would be fine with and, the dreams when you have to ask yourself if it was real or not beacuse they are so vivid and real. I hate the fact that I am so scared of dying and I dont know why and I dont need anyone to quote any parts of the bible that wont help. So if you find something that helps you let me know.

    Tabitha

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Tabitha,

    Thank you for your comment! If I find anything that helps, I'll make sure to share it (besides from the things mentioned in the comments above).

  • […] My current fear is that tomorrow, Friday, I’ll be traveling to Italy with my employer for a four-day conference, and I’m terrified. At a first glance it seems great fun, and it might very well turn out to be just that. But, the risk here is the flying and the consequence if anything goes wrong. I’m not afraid of flying, I’m afraid of dying. […]

  • Milo says:

    Thanks for all the people that have posted on this timeless topic.

    I am 27, but at feel relieved that other people younger than me also feel this way.

    I somehow can't bring myself to believe in religion and other "super natural stuff", as much as I wish I could, it wouldn't be sincere, and I wouldn't be fooling anybody (especially myself)

    It seems cruel that we as a species are intelligent enough to become so aware of our mortality. It seems to me the only point to life is really – to live. For as long as we can. Personally, I would offer my body to science if they could keep me concious on life support when I eventually get to that age where death would take me naturally. Even just a eternal sleep, at least to be able to dream. But the thought of not existing anymore – of nothingness – it is absolutly terrifying.

    I get that feeling of something coming to an end, like a great tv series or novels, its just makes me very sad.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Milo,

    Thanks for writing!

    I think it's an interesting point you touch on there: would we be happier if we weren't aware of our mortality? Or does it help us to make sure we make the most out of life since we know we're just here for a short time?

    I don't know. but I hope awareness makes us better people in some way.

  • Ben says:

    I'm on holidays, in a fancy hotel, living a fancy life and there is just nothing I can do about it.. Death is haunting my dreams, my living, my toughts all day long… Can't stop thinking about it.

    Is it because we did well and we don't want to loose everything…

    Are we affraid to loose memories or control ?

    What would you choose, control or memories ?

    Then I started thinking…

    Would it make more sense to live forever ? Never ever die..

    100 Millions of years.. How would that work out ?

    I can see my buddy calling me, "want to go to cancun..?"

    Mmmmm…. Maybe in 20 years buddy.. Call me back..

    Why we apreciate things and moments so much.. It's because we know we might loose them tomorrow.. Isn't that a way to balance our life… Would you care as much if you knew you couldn't ever loose all you have..

    Why bother.. He'll or it'll be there tomorrow.. I Know for a fact..

    So after those 100 millions years of living, if I gave you the option to die.. Would that make more sense now? … Personnally I think I would try it.. Cause I would be bored to death.. I have seen this earth too long, bored of the people, everything..

    Would you listen to a endless movie.. ? No, because there is no ending..

    So does it take a god to create a balanced life like that ?

    — Now talking about god… —

    If there is a god..

    Who is his god ?

    He popped out out of nowhere one day.. ? Can't be..

    So that god must have a god..

    And that next god must of have god too…

    If it's dark and a light appears, something made that light appear.. But that something must come from somewhere that was dark before..

    Expodentiel eh ? It had to start somewhere no ?

    — Conclusion —-

    We are all fuck.. No kidding..

    With time I started to talk to people about my ways of seeing life,death and god, but you got to be careful of what you say and what you do… Because we are powerful and if one day I believed in god so bad and you convinced me that he doesn't exist…Then the next morning you just ruined my life, because I don't know what to believe in anymore.

    And yes… I start to be affraid of death…

    I'm 27… and I my biggest fear iis death.

    Thanks for taking the time to read my mind..

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Ben,

    Thank you for your comment! Yuur thoughts are indeed valid, and knowing that things will end does help us to more appreciate certain moments.

    But that's little consolation, since we know the inevitable is waiting for us.

  • Milo says:

    Well, I think we would be happier if we weren't aware of our mortality. But I don't think as "intelligent" beings ,who always wonder how and why, that we can avoid "being aware". Sooner or later everyone wonders about death, and the total horror of it sinks in.

    It really goes along way to explain why religion is such a big part of mankind – its just a pity that some shrewed people have taken such advantage of it for political reasons.

    I heard somewhere that our deaths are programmed into our dna. If someone could tell me when I was going to die (assuming that no external factors played a role), I wonder if I would want to know. I guess it would be better than obsessing over it, but I would really start freaking out when the time came near…

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Milo,

    Yes, wheter we want to know when we're going to die is a tough question. I touched a little bit on it in my post Would you want to know when you will die?.

  • Jon - Also Afraid says:

    Like most here I am afraid of death.

    Actually terrified is a better term, and after a recent hospital stay its only gotten worse. It's not the waking up in the middle of the night screaming or shaking as others have ascribed to here, but a constant all consuming worry that fills every waking second of my life.

    An analogy I use when talking to friends about this fear is the idea that a wolf in a bear trap will chew its leg off to escape. But in my case, the leg won't come off but the pain of trying to chew away at it is there.

    As I have no living family anymore, my friends are my family so my fear centers around whether I will cease to exist when I die, or whether they do somehow remain. Even the argument that if I cease to exist I won't know it, so why worry? Hasn't helped. I've poured over countless websites looking for some evidence of any sort of 'afterlife' and NDE's seem the only semi-scientific evidence of a continuation after death. But there are just as many scientists that say these are just the effects of the brain shutting down at the moment we die.

    What makes it all the more frustrating is that my friends (Who are also my housemates), who I am as close to as one normally would be to immediate family all have this 'innate' sense that we carry on after we die. And all are 100% sure of this as fact. None of them are particularly religious, though one is very spiritual (if you grasp the difference). So I feel like I am somehow broken and lack this innate/instinctive feeling that I should have and be as comfortable as they are.

    As strange as this may sound, I have sort of started wishing to find out. Somehow die and come back just to know one way or the other. And before anyone jumps the gun — I am not suicidal — even remotely. But to experience an NDE might help me, but even if I dropped dead this instant and was revived, only something like 18% of people who clinically die and get revived have an NDE so again, the wolf in the bear trap.

    Anyway, thanks for letting me comment here. I hope one day, somehow, all of us who are afraid will find something to put our fears to rest.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Jon,

    Thank you for sharing!

    I think it's very interesting what you describe, and I can relate to what you mean about wishing to find out how it really is. And, just as you state, the curiousness of getting to know should in no way be mixed up with being suicidal or wanting to die.. It's just about wanting to know.

    It sounds to me, though, that you have really close friends who do understand you. They might not understand or relate to your fear, but to me it seems like they at least respect it. And that's pretty good in my book, to have close ones who are there for you.

  • Norwegian says:

    Hi Robert! Thanks for your article, and thanks to all the people who have commented.

    I’m a Norwegian 24 year old guy with exactly the same problem as many have described above.

    I get panick attacks – usually in the evening when I try to go to sleep. I can’t accept that there may be NOTHING after life, and for ever-ever-ever.

    I have been afraid of death since I was around 6, but I have had long periods without “minding” death. Usually around once a year, the fear returns.

    I have strong social phobia, and feel there could be a connection between this and my fear of death. That I maybe, unconciously, feel that I’m not getting “all out of life”.

    I am afraid of my life ending without me knowing. I’m afraid of being at the wrong place at the wrong time, and be killed by a suicide bomber, for example.

    Even though I very much wish I was, I’m not a religious guy. I believe religion – as we know it – is all made up. But I also believe that there MUST be a reason why we are here. I don’t believe in God [of Christianity], but I believe there is a god, a greater power.

    I feel comfort in thinking that “all eternity” not only is coming, but that is also is were we came from. We have already been dead (not born) for all eternity.

    I’ve created an e-mail account for which I would be very happy to get in touch with other people with this same fear. Please write to me at afraidofdeath@live.no.

    -Norwegian Guy

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Norwegian,

    Thank you for sharing with us!

    I can definitely relate to the fear of missing out when it happens. i.e. having no way to prepare myself and people around me, or having any chance to affect the outcome and hopefully preventing it.

  • Jessica says:

    Hello..

    I too "stumbled opon" this thread…and like so many others on here I too am scared shitless of death and dying…

    Im 35, and this JUST hit me last week. I too do not believe in "God" or "heaven". I came from a religous family(My mother's a ordained minister) and grew up with the bible read to me daily. When I was younger…I think I believed..I didnt know any better. As a adult now, with children of my own…I know better. I KNOW thats IT. I even studied the paranormal extensively…hoping…grasping that to be a GHOST…you have to have been a person who had died…and was still "thinking". I know now THA'TS not true…

    Who knows…Tomorrow the iranians might nuke us all..and we ALL die..

    What then?

    All I know…is right now…right here..this moment..

    Im sick of the panic attacks….the crying jags…the hammering heart..

    Finding this thread….like for so many others..HAS helped..more then you even KNOW.

    Made me realize I'm NOT alone in this feeling..I DONT have to go this horror alone..

    Please..Talk to me…tell me everything's going to be ok…

    :-(

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Jessica,

    First, I'm really glad you want to share and that this thread has helped you in any way, seeing that lots of other people feel the same way.

    I wish that I could say that everything will be ok, but unfortunately it's not fair to say that or make the assumption. However, I do strongly hope everything is going to be ok for you, and anyone else for that matter. I hope that we will live on, in some sense, but at the same time I think we owe ourselves and people around us to make the most out of our own lives each and everyday.

  • Kayleigh says:

    Hello,

    After reading a poem for eng. lit. about the Peterloo Massacre I am having an increasingly hard time dealing with these thoughts.

    I am not so much worried about my death, just my mother dying I am 18 and she is 37 so I don't know why I am panicking so much, we have (im sure) alot of time left, yet I just cannot bare the thought of her leaving me.

    Reading through the previous posts has helped me to an extent but writing about this just made me break down in tears again, I spoke to my mother about this yesterday and she reassured me, it did work I was happy for the evening afterwards but today I have just scared myself again. I myself look forward to a nice long eternal sleep after all the hard work we put in to survive but the thought of my mother leaving … I don't think I can/could cope. My post has been a bit repetitive I realise and as much as the previous posts have helped is there anything anyone would suggest on the matter?

    Thankyou so much for posting this, I feel better after writing or speaking about this stuff but no doubt in about an hour i'll be all depressed again…

    Thankyou again,

    Kayleigh

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Kayleigh,

    Thank you for your comment!

    Writing and talking about seem to help, at least for the moment. ANd that's the worst, isn't it? Either dying and leaving the loved ones behind, or losing someone who's very close to you.

    It sounds like a cliché, but just make sure you get the most out of your time with your mother as possible, that's the best you can do.

  • Kayleigh says:

    Thankyou for the reply, I think it’s great what your doing, most people with blogs don’t tend to reply to people who post!

    Your reply did actually make me think yes just make the most of the time… lets see how long it lasts !!

    Take care,
    Kayleigh

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Kayleigh,

    All the best with making life as beautiful as you can!

  • Lisa says:

    This subject has really touched me. Recently I have been having more and more of these anxiety attacks.. it's when I think about what happens when I die.. do I vanish into nothingness.. what happens to my thoughts, will I be stuck.. is it endless nothingness.. it even gets me into a knott writing this. I woke up last night, after having my first dream about it, and my entire body was shaking. It took my boyfriend to walk me around the house and tell me to breath!! – It's getting crazy. I've never had these feelings, well, not this much untill the last few weeks.

    I just want you to know, Robert, that I really know how you feel. It feels silly, and I have a good life, but I just cannot shake this feeling.

    I have faith, but have recently read a book which has led me to question this, and I think all my fears about death have been multiplied.

    I have learnt to breathe slowly, and remember that I am loved, and plan something fun to do.

    This is still very very hard, and I really do know what you're going through.

    Lisa.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Lisa,

    Thank you very much for sharing! It is hard, but I think if the ones around us understand us, it helps us to suppress and at the same time helps us to get closer to our loved ones.

  • Lisa says:

    Robert,

    You are right.

    I managed to find the courage to speak to my boyfriend about this last night. I really didn't think I could talk to him about this and be so honest – but I did.

    I would like to tell you, that as a result of my post on here, and my conversation with my boyfriend, I am now finding a real sense of inner peace and calm.

    Some things we don't need to question, especially when there aren't the answers there, and it's ok to say -"ok, this will happen, I have no idea what is or isn't there afterwards, but right now I'm here."

    I still have a little anxiety, but I think that may be attributed to the lack of sleep.

    I hope you are also able to find peace.

    With love

    Lisa

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Lisa,

    It makes me very happy to hear that. For my sake, I'm at peace, at least most of the time. :-)

  • Cat says:

    I am so glad I found this site as many others seem to feel as I do. I always thought I was alone in this matter because everytime I talk to someone about it they are always saying something like, "Nope, I'm not afraid of dying. When it happens, it happens. Nothing you can do." – They are okay with this! Why can't I just be able to accept it? I developed this fear back in my preteens.. I think around the time my Nana died. She was my world. But ever since then, I would have these panic attacks as some of you have had. They would keep me wide awake and I would find that I would start to breathe too fast. I would run upstairs to my mother bawling in histarics and she would comfort me telling me she used to feel the exact same way as I do right now when she was my age. She learned to overcome it as she got older. She isn't afraid at all anymore. Now I am 20.. and happily married. I still feel this way on occasion and my husband (how sad it is) does not comfort me when these attacks hit me in waves. He has always accepted it and says if he died tomorrow, that that is just life. I will find my self laying in bed wondering how the Earth was made.. wondering if the universe has an end like everything else.. and how human existance came about. Then it will turn into me thinking how I was never here in billions.. and trillions… and the lord only knows how many years. Now, I am not a religious person at all… I never was. I believe in science. But I do believe in a higher power.. a higher energy. Everything is made of energy. Everything has a certain combonation of atoms that can be altered to form something new… If altered enough you can come out with something extrodinary. i.e. Life… I have learned to slow my breathing when these attacks happen and think about the science aspect of life. I was never here before… something created me. I am made of energy. My body is energy. Your soul is energy. Energy doesn't die. Physical form does die.. but your energy, your soul will carry on forever. Where it goes is the question. Will it fall into someone who is ill and revitalize them? Will it sink its way into some one who has been in a coma for months and wake them? Will it absorb into a bed of soft flowers that bee's will so often polinate.. Will they go back to their hive and produce their honey from the pollen they gathered with your energy absorbed inside it? Will the honey be stolen by a bear? Will the bear be killed for food for a hungry man or woman? That bee picked up the pollen from the flowers to make honey.. which was to be stolen by the bear.. who was killed by the hunter for food. The hunter will have your energy absorbed into them. Maybe that's what happens when we die.. it is what I cling to for my little bit of hope. But wait! What if we become extinct like the dinosaurs? What happens then? Where does our energy go? Life has to be somewhere else other than Earth. We can not be the only living creatures in the entired cosmic universe. We can't be. Maybe our energy travels to those far, hidden worlds. This is my hope.. this is my heaven. All things were never just here. Something created it. Something created the univers. I believe there is a "Universal Energy" for all things in the cosmis unknown. There has to be. That is the only explantion for why things are here. Why we have grass.. why we have stars.. why we have water.. and planets.. and air. They didn't just appear one day. Something made them. Something created the energy that all things are made of. We arenn't alone. Energy will never die.. it will go on for ever in one way, shape or form.

    I want to thank you for creating this site. If I had not of stumbled on it I would never, ever have been able to spill my real thoughts about everything. Now, I do feel better and I hope some, if not all, of you do too. Thank you!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Cat,

    Thank you very much for sharing! Also, I'm glad that reading what people have written here helped you in any way.

  • MPATEL says:

    I am so afraid of dying right now I am merely 19 yearsold and the worst fear I have is my mother dying. I feel like every day passes by so quickly and I'm getting older and older. I seriously am attatched to my mother and don't what I will do withour her. But what I fear most is there is no life after death, and that there is no eternal soul. It freaks me out especially at night and thats all I think about I can't even pay attention in school. All I think is when will that person die when will my proffesor die, will I know will I care? I mean I don't know it has to happen but I just can't deal with it now.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    MPATEL,

    That's the challenge for all of us, to find meaning in our everyday lives even we know (or think we know) that we're only here for a certain amount of time and nothing's eternal.

  • shane says:

    I wrote may 1st on here about my worries and i have gotten so much better but to this day, I fear…but have become more acceptant. Life is tough, hard but its fun, happy. I have 1 goal…..grow old and healthy. I believe ima live till my 80's..I hope yall better and ill be back.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    shane,

    Thanks for commenting! I'm glad to hear that you feel better! Interesting to hear/see how people's feelings have evolved over time.

  • Christy says:

    Hi,

    This site is so intresting. I am in my 30's and have thought of this subject often, especially as I have gotten older. I have began to realize my mortality more since I have had children. I too fear leaving or losing something that I love so much it hurts. I have fears and anxiety about death and have tried many ways to ease these fears. I am religious and I believe in a higher power. I do not believe that we exist and live and form strong feeling and thoughts for one another for nothing. I dont believe those feelings just go away when your dead. I have been cursed yet blessed with watching someone die. Maybe to some that may make sense and others it won't. I can tell you it was a child in a very tragic situation. It devestated me on a human level yet comforted me on a spirtual level. What I mean by that is I felt tremendous pain for this loss BUT when you watch someone die, the body transforms LITERALLY it is almost as if you can see the soul leave. The body is like a shell. The closest thing I can describe it to is metamorphisis. The "life" is gone so its hard to imagine that this "life within" dies too. I hope this makes some sense to you. Has anyone else had a similiar experience?

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Christy,

    Thanks for writing!

    I saw my father die, and I can't say that I share the same experience/sentiment as you, but I do understand where you're coming from. To me, it just tore me apart and is without a doubt the worst moment in my life.

    However, since he was sick and I had a trip planned abroad the day after, I am, in some sense, grateful that I got to be there.

  • Crystal says:

    I came upon this site by google-ing "why am I afraid of dying" and was very surprised and relieved that others had the same feelings and thoughts about dying as I did.

    I am 34 now and for as long as I can remember I have had a fear of dying. Dying and leaving this earth, leaving my body, leaving my kid behind and all my memories gone and as I sit here writing this I am at the verge of tears from of all these feelings.

    The fourth paragraph in the very first story pretty much sums it up for me. I don’t know if it is the fact that I don’t know where we go after dying or what but I ponder the different answers quite often and I have even shared these feelings with family members but it just doesn't seem to matter the fear is always there in the back of my mind. I suppress it a lot but it always comes back. Sometimes it’s worse than others.

    I just recently awoke in the middle of the night with the thought of dying on my mind immediately after waking and my body was literally shaking at the thought and I could not sleep the rest of the night for thinking of this.

    I have considered getting help but I just don’t think that anything will ever get me over the fear of me taking my last breath or of me seeing my kids for the last time or forgetting all of the memories that has taken me 34 years to accumulate and that is just to name a few. But I am hopeful that in time I will come to terms with all of this because I know that one day I definitely will die.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Crystal,

    Thank you for commenting! There are times when it feels way to scary, like you mention with waking up, and it feels way too vivid. But luckily, for most of us, those moments pass away. At lest for the time being.

  • Neil says:

    Ive been suffering from Panic Attacks for the last year now which makes me feel like im having a heart attack. I was obsessed with the thought that i would drop dead any minute, after blood tests and scans (just to prove theres nothing wrong) i came through the anxiety of the attacks but what ive been left with is an awareness that i will die. Ive been thinking alot about when will it be? how will it happen? what can i do to prolong my life, whats out there after life? what if i dont want to die? i think ihave come to my own conclusions, In my 20s and before i was conditioning my mind, the thought of dying never crossed my mind i think this is because you are learning and taking things in more so theres no time to be thinking of death. However as time goes by and you are getting older you realise dying more you've lived one life time i believe there is 3 in life, birth to 30 30 to 60, 60 to 80, i think the fear of dying comes from the fact we have been conditioned in life to control ourselves therefore we want to control our destiny and as death seems to be a fearful part of life we want to control that aswell. If death is to be feared surly i should be scared from the moment i was born, where was i before birth? Without death there would be no life we would strive to nothing theres something worse than death and thats the thought of living forever we would eventually have no feelings no desires we would go insane. If there is heaven i believe i will go there, if there is reincarnation i will be reborn, if there is nothing I have nothing to fear.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Neil,

    Thanks for writing!

    I think it's common for most people to feel lesser afraid about death as they grow older, while others feel that they get more and more to live for. From my experience, old people seem to, in general, have come to terms with dying after having lived a full life.

    And yes, even how hard it is to accept it, knowing about death is indeed a reason to make the most out of life.

  • Angela says:

    I am a 60 yr old woman and can say that I have been scared of dying since I was 6. My mother, mistakenly lied about her age and subtracted 10 yrs and when I found out she was 39 not 29…evidently I was inconsolable…and thought she was about to die. I wish I had been able to believe in an after-life but I feel that science has explained things too well by evolution. It doesn't help the existential panic I feel every night.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Angela,

    Thanks for sharing. I can understand how terrible that must've felt for you. And yes, maybe science has explained a little too much, in the sense that it has diminished some of the hope and dreams we perhaps otherwise would've had.

  • Melissa B says:

    I had an awful dream…got up, came to the computer, googled what that dream was about and now I am here. In a way, its nice that I'm not the only one. But then, what we all really want and can't have is that answer. And we don't even want "the" answer… we want a specific answer. Something like:

    You will never die.

    There truly is a God who loves you and a heaven to exist in.

    You will never lose consciousness of who you are and how your life went.

    You will never be alone.

    I wish I could lose this feeling of self-importance. I think we're all feeling that inner conflict by right of vanity… that we should never have to do what we truly don't want to. That our life, my life, should never have to be terminated. We spend our whole lives pushing toward goal after goal, when the end result of all of us will just be the same. I used to have "faith," but upon losing that I find myself here. Religion offers a way for people to never feel the need to come to terms with their own mortality. I wish I had that.

    Regardless, maybe the answer in finding peace with death is to remove that element of vanity from yourself. Vanity being the true source of fear rather than death. After all… regardless of the fact that none of us understands what death is, we all certainly know how to do it. No one had to teach us how to die or how to come to life. Something beyond our conscious minds knew and still knows. It seems unfair that our subconscious refuses to communicate its wisdom, but its in each of us all the same.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Melissa,

    Thanks for sharing!

    I'm sure that vanity is definitely one of the pieces of the puzzle. To me, the biggest challenge is finding hope and motivation to carry on what we're doing. To avoid getting that feeling that whatever we do, it's useless, since we're going to die, one day or another.

    Maybe one thing to strive for is how to enjoying the now, or how we affect the lives of people around us in a good way.

  • Melissa B says:

    I feel dissuaded sometimes as well. I guess I gave up on the idea of being a legacy long ago, though. Even Achilles will die someday… it is certain that life on Earth is finite. But, ask your child or loved one if it matters whether you care for them or not… they will respond with absolute certainty that it does. The fact of the matter is, death is not the only absolute truth in existence. Those absolute truths… you love your child or your family, or a friend… they DO matter. Absolutely. Don't let one absolute truth take away the beauty from another.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Melissa,

    Very well said!

  • Thomas says:

    Hello, I feel i am much like you sir i fear the unkown the possiblity of nothiness is there a higher being that did this a energy of sorts. My fear has progressed more and more this year i can't seem to understand all this. why am i here i'm scared. I don't want to leave i like it here sometimes. What advice do you have for me if any. I grew up catholic but my faith has faltered due to indecrepencie in the book criminals in the church. What is hidin from us i feel something is being hidden a truth about life and death. Im in dire straights to figure it all out why was i born in 1975 where was i before this was i anywhere. Why now? these are just some thoughts ive been wanting to share. Thanks Thomas

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Thomas,

    Thanks for sharing. It is very hard to give advice in general, but I would say that try to make the most out of the precious time you have gotten here on earth, stay close to your loved ones and try not to waste your life on useless things.

  • Stephen says:

    Hi Robert, thank you very much for voicing your fears and for all the beautiful responses it has generated. I woke up 2 hours ago much like I have been doing for the past year or so. I don't wake up screaming or in cold sweats, but believe me, the panic and terror that goes through me is just overwhelming.

    Much like you, I am fortunate enough to have a wonderful and loving wife, and a precious, wonderful son who brings the sunshine into my world.

    I didn't always think about death and dying, and I remember all to well the very first time it came to invade my mind. I made the mistake of imagining what it must feel like to have your life slipping away from you, out of your body. Evaporating away and gone forever.

    When I first started feeling this way, the fear didn't leave me whether I was at work or at home, day or night. I remember sitting in a meeting with 30 people at the time and looking at each person in the room, thinking "you're going to die one day, and you're gonna die one day, and so are you, and you and you … ".

    I feel ashamed and afraid to talk to other people about feeling this way, and I think it makes things worse. I find that spending time with friends helps alot, and that leads me to believe it must be some form of depression I go through.

    I've tried going to church, but I found the messages were being forced onto me and it turned me off. I've tried professional help, but find that they try to rationalize my fears and tell me I'm wasting my time worrying. Believe me, if I could control whether or not I worry about it, I wouldn't.

    Here's something that did help me. I imagined I was given a watch and could stop time where I wanted to live forever. There are many many wonderful times in my life, thanks to my wonderful wife and son, but then freezing time would mean he would never grow up, never experience teenage years, high school friendships, he would never graduate from university and never experience love in a relationship. It would mean he would never even have the chance to be a father because I stopped time. I could never rob him of those things, and I do look forward to watching him grow up, so I never use the watch.

    Another thing I've imagined is that I were immortal, but then that would mean I would live on and watch my family die around me, and their families and so on. That would be more horrible than dying. I look at my wife and my friends and feel comfort in knowing that life is something we're all going through together, and that always feels good.

    I ask myself 'where was I before I was born?' and that's where I'll be after I die. Could I have been created from nothing? Maybe. Will I be destroyed? I don't think so. I believe there is another existence we go to or we can go to after this one. I don't know what that is, or how to get there, but I do believe and accept it without any proof, and in my books, that's what's defined as FAITH.

    I hope my words aren't too disjointed, as I'm tired and it's very late here. I just hope I can share my experiences and thoughts with others who may not be coping as well.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Stephen,

    Thanks for your comment!

    I loved the idea of the watch and that you would never use it, since, no matter how great and beautiful a moment is, change, progress and evolving is what drives our existence.

    There is something beautiful about growing old together and share all the ups and downs of life. I think your conclusions are very close to mine: enjoy life while it lasts, as much as you can.

  • Nathan says:

    Hello Robert, I too can't tell you enough how insightful this site is to me. I had no idea so many people felt the same way I do about death untill I discovered this site. I have been reading on this site for some time now and I too feel that it helps some to talk about it, but the fear,(for me anyway),never seems to go away nor do I believe it ever will. I can only imagine,(and I have), how terrified I will feel when my time comes to go. I am only 32, and this life has been anything but kind to me, but I still am soo afraid to die that it takes my breathe away. I believe that every creature on this earth is afraid to die, you can see it in them when they are faced with it. They know and are afraid as well. I can't seem to stop thinking about it. I wish I knew why I think about it so much when it doesn't seem to bother most others.(or at least I think it doesn't).well, thanks again. Nathan

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Nathan,

    Thanks for reading and sharing! I think that you're right that, for some at least, the fear never really goes away. But in that case, I think it's a matter of learning to live with it, suppressing it a bit and trying to focus on other things.

    Easier said than done, trust me, I know.

  • Sally says:

    Hi there

    Wow this is exactly what I have been looking for. Others that share the same thoughts and feelings and going through a similar experience as I am.

    I too have a huge fear of dying and also of disasters and of losing what I have and losing my loved ones…or them losing me…. this week I have been so overcome by the fear that it consumes my mind and no matter how hard I try to focus on the now, or the good things in my life… I can't seem to snap out of it. I too also believe that perhaps there will be a next life for our souls or that we will be reincarnated…or there is a better place after this life… and in some way it brings me comfort to believe that there could be. Sometimes I don't even think about it and can easily focus on the moment and sometimes it takes over. It comes in waves. I know I need to learn to enjoy everyday as it comes and I hope that as I get older I will become more humbled and content about lifes process.

    Thank you to everyone for sharing your comments and advise. It really helps.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Sally,

    Thank you for sharing as well!

  • Judi says:

    Hello everyone…….I was raised in a very legalistic church environment growing up and I have trouble thinking I will ever be good enough for god's love or anyone else's love for that matter. I think about my mortality and my sons all of the time and it is suffocating. I have been to counseling and it works temporarily(til I walk out of the office:) Death and Dying are on my mind continuously during the day……it is starting to affect me physically……..any advice?

    • EMILY SANCHEZ says:

      I ALSO HAVE THE SAME FEAR ALL DAY I GET THOUGHTS IN WAVES I SEE A PLACE AND IT MAKES ME FEEL SAD AND I FEEL THAT I DON’T WANT TO DIE, PLEASE SEND A MASSAGE THAT I CAN EASE MY MIND DURING THE DAY.

      EMILY SANCHEZ

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Judi,

    Thanks for writing.

    It's very hard to tell people how to behave, but I guess my advice is to try and focus on positive things; even though it might be hard for you, but I think it's the best for your sons, who will be greatly affected by your mood.

    Meaning, children usually get more affected by one's mood than one might think.

  • Billy says:

    Im horribly afraid of whats gonna happen to me after i die. Not too worried of how im going to die i just can not fathom it being like it was before i was born=nothingness. That is the scariest thing ever to think about. Ever since i was young my family who r catholic have been telling me there is a god and when u die u go to heaven and they r SO sure of this. As i got older i started to question how exactly they knew this. Like other people on this site my family uses the bible as their guide, but dont u think its just what other people have written to scare people in to being good? I mean some of the stories in the bible, if someone nowadays would say they talked to a burning bush the same catholics or whatever religeon would look at him like he was crazy. And another thing i have never gotten is if there is a heaven why do all these religeos people mourn death instead of celebrate it. i mean come on their headed to everlasting bliss. i know ive kinda blabbered on and went off track but bottom line is im scared shitless cause after being catholic my whole life i really dont have faith and i think after we die its just nothingness and THATS what im terrified of.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Billy,

    It's a very difficult thought to face, that there would be nothing after our life. I guess religious people lean on their belief, while others just have to dream and hope.

    Either way, I think we owe it to ourselves to try and make the best of our time here, and just hope that there will be something more.

  • Alex says:

    Dear All

    It's interesting how humanity is slowly replacing it's belief in a God with a belief in science. Generations before us did not have this fear of death, they held on tight to their strong belief systems.

    We are blessed with more evidence of an afterlife than they could have ever hoped for. There are countless documented cases where mediums provide vital information that leads to the discovery of a deceased/missing person.

    With break through technology in science we are often bringing people back to life once they have been declared clinically dead, and thousands of these people come back with amazing stories of seeing loved ones that have passed away and feelings of pure peace and happiness.

    The case of Pam Reynolds is still the most profound case and one that confuses even the skeptics, please see article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pam_Reynolds%27_NDE

    There are documented cases of children that can remember passed lives, and most of you will at least know someone that believes they have seen a ghost.

    Most people will also be familiar with the term "white noise".

    In my opinion there is enough circumstantial evidence pointing toward the existence of an afterlife to convince a jury.

    My brother passed away from Luekemia a few years ago, and in his last moments told my mom that there were other people in the room waiting for him..

    All my love and happiness to all of you in your search for meaning.

  • Gwyneth Jones says:

    Wow Robert, I can't believe that your initial thoughts regarding death have generated so many responses and have lasted for over 2 years. I found your blog after entering "how do I overcome the fear of dying" into a search engine. I remember as a child of about 7 years lying in my bed and literally shaking with fear at the thought of dying. And that fear has never left me although I try to ignore it these days if it comes to my mind. I don't believe in any religion or god, and I think I envy those that do because it gives them something to cling on to. I suppose my fear came about because my mum died when I was 18 months old and nobody ever spoke to me about her during my childhood, it was as though she never existed. It affected me so much I wouldn't have children of my own in case I died and left them with the same unhappy childhood that I went through.

    If you do find a way of overcoming this fear, please share it with me

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Alex,

    Thanks for sharing!

    Gwyneth,

    Thanks for writing!

    I think my only humble advice would be to live and make the most out of what we have while we're here.

  • Louise says:

    I was really pleased to find this site. I am going through my latest bout of panic about this whole issue. I’m not religious and so when people try and comfort me with christianity, it does nothing for me. I have looked into it and in fact used to be a strong evangelical christian as a child, but I have since found no logic in it for me. I believe, as many here, that our thoughts and experiences are powered by our brains, and that when the brain stops working, so do out thoughts/mind etc. This is even more real for me since my nana got dementia and can barely remember any of us – it is as though she is no longer with us, but is someone else entirely. She is a very anxious person and at 90 is terrified of dying still which makes me nervous that I will continue to have this fear.

    It consumes me for months when it is triggered and makes me feel detached from everyone. I look around and think ‘why are you worrying about that, you’re going to die!’ – the worst thing is I think I will find purpose finally if I fall in love, something that as I get closer to 30, I’m scared will never happen. but then I think to myself, I can’t have children, because I will be inflicting death on them. I think we are all just animals really and our aims in life are all artificial, our sense of self an illusion. I find no comfort from my parents as they have always regretted having me, so I find it very hard to feel good in myself anyways, but my dad is also very depressed and talks about killing himself before some illness can. I used to think of doing the same but now I’m so scared of dying it would defeat the point! But I do understand people who do it. Unlike most of the population who think it’s selfish, I tihnk it’s probably quite understandable. It is tragic, don’t get me wrong, but I guess people want to try and control their death.

    My biggest fear is not dying so much, but dying young and in a painful way. I panic all the time about being mudered. This time my fear was triggered by news of the couple in Antigua and I don’t understand how poeple can just say oh yes it’s tragic and carry on. I thought about it in detail, obsessive detail probably. I think oh god did they suffer, how did they feel, I have visions in my head of how it happened, what they went through, try and put myself in their shoes. Why shouldn’t it have been me or one of my friends? none of us are immune. I know you have to keep things in perspective but I am so scared I will be the next one.. and that makes me think there’s no point planning for a future I might not have.

    I know ‘you can’t think like that’, at least not if you want to be happy, but I find it hard to think otherwise. I am so frightened of travelling in cars these days, I’ve stopped driving completely.
    I keep looking at people planning families and thinking ‘you’re succumbing to the game’ – we think we’re above animal behaviour but we keep reproducing. Why do we do that? why o people want to inflict this world on more people? I want to find a good reason, really, as I would like to be a mother one day.

    It’s been really good to read other peoples’ thoughts on this. My friends were laughing about someone they know the other day who has a severe phobia of illness – they had no sense of the pain she must experience from that, no empathy. I totally understood how that woman must feel. The panic that overcomes you when these thoughts creep in.. the majority of people seem to be able to switch it off but it seems from this site that many cant’, like me, and although I wouldn’t wish these thoughts on anyone, it’s a relief to know I’m not abnormal.

    Some may say I’m just depressed and maybe I am, but no amount of professional help is going to change the facts – and drugs just stop my thoughts from working and feel artificial. I honestly believe that a lot of mental health problems (I’m referring to the mild forms eg anxiety, depression) and not ‘abnormal’ but normal responses to the world and issues of life and death. Those who are quick to judge and try and fix it are, in my opinion, often motivated by fear themselves – that if they don’t stop the negative thoughts of depressed people, then they too will have to face reality. This may be a bleak view, and I’m really sorry that I am breaking the norm and offering this view, but it is what I believe, right now at least.

    I just wanted to share these thoughts as I’ve spent hours reading through the above and found it very therapeutic and comforting.

    For the record, my belief in life after death is this: I don’t think we continue as ourselves after death, but I do believe the energy from our bodies and physical matter continues through the cycle of life, albeit without our consciousness. I think there is a greater spiritual power which is what I would interpret as a kind of ‘god’ – I know when I sit and meditate, or when I go to the beach or a park, i feel at ease and connected and I do feel something ‘calling’ me so to speak, that empowers me. I found ‘The Celestine Prophecy’ a very comforting book. I think this ‘energy’ can be tapped in to by anyone and is what helps us to see things more positively, listen to our intuition. I know I feel an urge to go somewhere in nature when my thoughts consume me. Writing helps me too. I find our ability to put our thoughts into words and our capacity for thinking so incredible – that is the one thing I can’t understand – why we don’t have the brains of a normal animal.. and one thing no one will ever probably know.

    Anyway I’m rambled on enough. I hope I haven’t depressed any one too much with my thoughts.
    Thanks for reading
    L

  • Louise says:

    I forgot to mention that my main thought of dying besides the pain and how it happens, is what happens afterwards. I know technically I won't know but I worry about how my body will look, where it will be, how they'll get it home, whether my family and friends will have trauma, who will have to do my laundry and find my morbid diaries etc! argg

    I also forgot to say that I'm also relieved to see other people type morbid things into google too. I thought I was alone in this :-)

    L

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Louise,

    Thank you very much for taking the time to share, and to offer us your thoughts! Personally, I'm very happy if this blog post and its comments in any way can offer some some comfort, or at least the notion of not being alone with these fears.

    I also think that our bodies, presence and energy will continue to exist in some way, but the part that gets to me is about losing consciousness, of actually ceasing to exist mind-wise, and I think that is all we have.

    On the other hand, I refuse to cave in to my fears, to just worry and to waste our short time being aware of dreading the day when we're not. It might seem stupid or silly since, from what we (think) we know, it will come to an end for all of us, but at the same time, living and cherishing those wonderful moments that can exist is giving meaning to it all.

  • Madyson says:

    Live long beautiful lives.

    And when you get older you'll get wiser.. And things'll start to come to you. A sense of understanding for the world. An understanding.. Meaning not answers, but re-assurance and calmness. Like the answers were whispered to your soul, but not your mind.

    Think about it.. If there was no mystery,

    there'd be no beauty. Mystery is what we thrive for.

    There is alot of proof of life after death.

    I hear alot of this scientist belief.. Okay, so where is the end of the world?

    Has a scientist ever been able to find it? No.

    Certain things God doesn't explain to man. Nor want man to find.

    Look at how beautiful the world is. How many countries.. Ethnicities.. Ect, ect.

    Who do YOU think created it?

    You say the big bang? Okay. So what caused the big bang?

    There was magic going into this world, there'll be magic leaving it.

    Everyone live like your living forever. Let go and let God. Stop worrying. I have keen senses. I know these things.

    Have a spiritual awakening.

    Life is like a gameboy. We keep going to next levels.

    Every level is a journey and you must keep alot of pictures in your passport for the next one.

    Peace, love, and prosperity my people.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Madyson,

    Thanks for sharing! I agree that we need mystery to have beauty, and that we will probably never be able to understand nor explain what's happening around us.

  • Fadi says:

    I accidentally found this thread through a (rather odd) google search. And having read through most of the posts on here, I wanted to thank each & every one for sharing their thoughts. My thoughts & feelings are below, so I will apologise in advance for the rambling.

    Mostly, I took some comfort from knowing that many others share the same fears, hopes, logic, and doubts that I have been struggling with for a couple of years now.

    Underlying this thread is an intimidating question that has been pondered for as long as mankind has scratched together a thought. The weight of time & brilliant minds has failed to break it's back, a simple fact that often makes me feel more hopeless… how on earth will I ever find an answer if others far more deserving & more brilliant have failed to do so?

    My fear engulfs me when my thoughts wander into it's muddy domain – when I think of time passing too quickly, when I see sick friends, or during the prolonged illness & death of my father. Like many on this thread, I love life so deeply that I don't want to let go. I love this life & I want no other.

    The futility of life corrupts me. That everything we do, know, think, love, hate, savour, accomplish, fail… everything that is all of us becomes nothing. Is it really true? Does everything we do amount to naught?

    Religion. I was raised Catholic & it's a presence in my life. But it fails me just as much as I have failed it. Prayers are met with a deafening silence. As for any religion… they provide ideas but no answers. They fail to nourish a hungry mind – they provide platitudes but no proof. They ask that you have faith in a God who talks to them but not to you – so really your faith is misplaced in man-made writings/temples/prayers but you never actually see or hear your God. You see, I want to believe in God, but he gave me a mind which finds it hard to believe.

    Anyway, this post has gone on too long… but before I leave, some ideas that bounce around in my head;

    – there must be some design behind all of this. there just has to be. why else would any of it exist, even the smallest little granule in a dark, quiet corner of the universe? i don't know WHY, but it just makes sense, right?

    – the greatest and the brightest have often betrayed their fears in their writings/works. case in point – hamlet's soliliquoy, dylan thomas' poetry. when you look, you find many examples.

    – what did Jesus mean when he said "the rest is silence"? was he giving something away… did he have a change of heart at the last minute?

    thanks for letting me share. any thoughts & feedback would be welcome.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Fadi,

    Thank you for writing! I completely agree with basically everything you say. What gets me as well is that existence is such an amazing, something so splendid and extremely though-out that it can't be coincidental, it just can't.

    But I think that you're right that our search for an answer or even a hint of explanation probably is futile, and all we can do is wonder and fear it. Therefore, while I really appreciate discussing these thoughts, it's vital that, at the same time, people make the most out of life.

  • Peter says:

    Hallo from the UK. I came upon this site because I am currently undergoing Cognitive Behavioural therapy in part to deal with my intense fear of dying. I have been asked to try to create the fear and to keep creating it so that in some ways I can get used to it.

    Like most who have written I experience it at night and the depth an intensity is in direct proportion to the love I have particularly for my wife and for my family. When I am laying next to her I can think of dying very quickly. It is the sheer nothingness which is being discussed that shakes me to my core. I, as I write this, am becoming overwhelmed by the sadness, emptiness and sheer blackness of what will some day happen to me. I shout out when I get too deep into my fears and my wife asks me whats wrong and I don't tell her.

    I believe that part of my fear is that fact that I truly experience love and that I have always cautioned myself about feeling too deeply and without knowing have gradually fallen more and more deeply in love which makes the fact of leaving terrifying.

    It is my intention to carry through with the CBT. My first "homework" is to generate these thoughts outside of the dark and I have taken the comments of others before me to create a script which will I hope generate the feelings because currently it is only really when I am in bed and night that the depth and body ripping experiences occur.

    I am so so grateful to all who have taken to the time to expres themselves.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Peter,

    Thank you very very much for sharing! CBT sounds interesting in that sense that you might get used to it, but perhaps even more importantly, being used to it will maybe appear less important, hence less fear.

    The only thing I wondered is if your wife is aware of your fears. My humble suggestion is that you should really share this with someone you love.

  • Angelg says:

    I goggled across your site and may comforted that many people feel the fears. But what are we to do with these fears? How do we overcome them?

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Angelg,

    I think it’s up to each and everyone to try and handle it the way that makes them feel best. Some need to constantly think about them to make them feel less important, some people need to focus on the good things in their lives, while some (actually) feel better by just suppressing the fears.

    However, my personal belief is that it’s a good thing for most people to talk about it, either in forums (online or in real life) or with your loved ones.

  • peter says:

    I am amazed how often I think of death. It can come through the smallest incident and in no time at all I am thinking not only about my own mortality but that of my parents or wife. My strongest fears come when I am most in “love.” that is when I have a depth of emotion towards my wife and family. That seems to perhaps make me vulnerable and as such open to allow such thoughts to penetrate down to my very self. This shows me I believe that one of my biggest fears is the fear of loss. losing that sense of love. I am someone who does not give of emotion easily. So it is the sense of loss, the actual time just before I die knowing that it will all end and the final fear which is the sense of it all ending there being nothing more blacki nothingness. I find myself interestignly, however, very occasionally thinking well if i am to go I would like to go now. I am in a great place the sun is on my face – i am ready.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    peter,

    Thanks for writing!

    And absolutely, it seems like the more we have to lose, the more terrifying it gets. On the other hand, if you're currently so happy that you're ready to go, I'm happy that you're so content with your current life.

  • ken pfeffer says:

    I believe it's in The Big Book of A.A. This comment is of course relative to alcoholics however I think it is also relative to fear of dying..and that is: Think of a doughnut. The doughnut is the ego. Remove the doughnut and all that is left is the hole. Oh my God! I think that overcoming the ego is the problem. What will we be if we lose it..nothing? Forget it. Come into the world and go out of the world..the world won't even burp.

  • Nick says:

    This post made me want to be your friend. I could really relate to the way you spoke here.

    I found this because I pasted into google's search window the words to a song I'd just started writing (sometimes Word shuts down and I lose everything when I try to save, so I copy and paste whatever it is I'm working on into pretty much anything else that's readily available for safety's sake. I just pressed "search" out of curiosity of what would come up, I guess. This post is strangely topical considering what I googled):

    God bless what’s left of your life

    May it be long

    If you want it to be

    May you never find yourself

    In such a state

    Afraid of living

    Afraid of dying

    ‘Cause everyone’s either dead or they’re dying

    And if you’re not laughing about it you’re crying

    God bless it, your life, whatever it is

    On a train

    Of all means of travel

    And the whole way home

    I could feel myself…just…unravel

    I had everything I needed

    And everything that meant nothing to me

    In my suitcase

    And through the window I could see…home

    Well the weather had changed

    Since I’d last been here

    The season showed in the trees

    And the air was cold and clear

    And I could smell and hear and see

    The only reason I had to be

    Anywhere at all

    I was home

    None of it makes any difference, really, but I've had the thought that since time is really irrelevant, we never really die. What I mean is, right now, you're alive. Right now, ALL THIS (our lives) is going on. The fact that it's going on RIGHT NOW means essentially nothing–our lives could just as easily have happened a billion years ago or they could have happened a billion years from now. So, in a way, this particular time when we're alive is always happening because it could've happened at any time, it just happens to be right now.

    Wow, I had no idea that concept would be so difficult to convey, or sound so stupid. It makes sense in my head, anyway. It doesn't change anything, it doesn't change the fact that we're going to die or anything, but it's just one way to look at things.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    ken,

    Well, personally, I wouldn't completely agree. Sure, to a certain point it's about ego, but I also guess it's about not accepting a fate we can't control, both for ourselves and for others.

    Nick,

    You're welcome to be my friend. :-)

    Interesting aspect about time, I never really thought about that. I mean, I do think about time, and that as time goes on our lives inevitably go on as well, but never pondered when our time is taking place in the bigger scheme of things,

  • Steve says:

    I'm glad you wrote this post, and in reading through the feedback I really appreciated the respectful attitude you showed all of your commenters.

    I can truly relate to what you wrote. Fear (or dread, or terror — there really is no adequate word to convey the emotional severity of it) of death consumes me. It has on and off since I was 7. But it is now worse than ever. (I turned 29 about 6 weeks ago.) It is with me every minute of every day, hijacking each and every one of my toughts, sapping whatever happiness I'm on the verge of mustering, destroying any sense of drive and ambition in my life.

    I have found that, for me, joy and a love of life are impossible with the reality of eternal nothingness hanging over me — and the broader reality that the universe is an accident, that conscious life is even more of an accident, and that both will almost certainly be wiped out some day. There is no point to any of this. It terrifies me. Terrifies me. I have panic attacks late at night when I let my mind fixate on the implications of this, bolt from my bed shouting, and turn every light I can find on. The relief is hauntingly temporary.

    What I have never understood are the people who, like me, lack faith in an afterlife who claim to be fine with it — who use words like "peaceful" and "beautiful" to describe eternal nothingness. Or the ones who say something like: 'There's no reason to fear death — you won't feel anything."

    But that is EXACTLY what terrifies me — the idea that I will never feel anything, never know anyone, every again. For all eternity. People say it's no different than the billions of years before our births, but there is one key difference: Our 'nothingness' before birth was NOT permanent. It ended, and our concious existence was the result. The nothingness that awaits after death IS permanent. There will be no end to it. Ever. I take no comfort in the idea that, in death, I'll simply return to where I was before I was born.

    I have heard religion criticized (among many other reasons) for filling people's minds with visions of hell and eternal torment. Many atheists take comfort that their "afterlife" involves none of this. Not me. The idea of eternal nothingness IS my idea of hell. I can imagine no lonelier, more awful concept than it.

    I want so badly to believe in some kind of afterlife, some continuation of conscience. But I am a battered and beaten man. Science, reason and logic have an answer for ever glimmer of hope I've ever been able to find. I have nothing left. I am shattered.

    Before these past few months, I had many periods of happiness in my life, times when I managed to suppress thoughts of death and to convince myself that it was so far off that it wasn't worth thinking about. No longer. Maybe I'll live a long life and 29 will someday seem young, but I have seen how quickly time moves. Death — a dark, loney, empty, terrifying eternity — is near. This is too much for me. I can't enjoy anything in life. I try to go out with friends, to watch TV, to read a book, to see a movie — but the utter reality of eternal nothingness grips my mind. I am defeated. I have no hope.

    I'm sorry for the depressing tone of this, if you (or anyone) read it. But this is all that runs through my mind all day, every day, and I don't want to burden anyone around me with it (anymore than I already have). I would give anything and do anything to have some real, meaningful hope that death is not what logic and reason tell me it is. I sometimes wish I'd never been born. And the thought of bringing a child into this world — absolutely not. I don't want anyone to have to deal with what I am dealing with.

    I am not religious but I believe in hell. And it is the fate we are all sentenced to after our lives here, no matter how we live them. I am absolutely terrified.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Steve,

    Thank you very much for sharing!

    The idea of eternal nothingness IS my idea of hell

    I couldn't agree more. Personally, I just struggle to compress that thought, but now and then it surfaces. What I try to do, though, is telling myself I have a choice: either be afraid of dying my entire life, or live life and just push away the inevitable (since I can't control nor affect it in any way).

    To me, at least, most of the time it helps.

  • Peter says:

    Steve,

    Thanks for writing such a clear exposition of how I feel. Luckily I don't get these feelings with the regularity that you get them but certainly the intensity! It is so debilitating to get these thoughts. I have however tried very slowly to face them. I breathe more slwoly and try to hold on to the fear rather than turn away.

    I find it so so difficult. My other fear is not being able to discuss it with anyone as I don't want to "infect" them. So I keep coming back to this thread of conversation read and re read the thoughts of others to try and gradually diminish the potency of the thoughts.

    Please write back

    Pete

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Peter,

    Thanks for sharing!

    In this forum, feel completely free to express whatever you feel – you're amongst peers here, so we are already "infected". :-)

  • Cat says:

    I am 37 and have always had anxiety about death but the past year it has gotten more severe off and on. It causes me to suffer from bouts of hypochondria. I also have hypochondria concerning my loved ones. Every symptom anyone has, I fear is due to a terminal illness, particularly cancer. I too have noticed that my anxiety is more severe when the weather cools off.

    I have read books, articles, watched t.v programs and televangelists searching for some relief from my fears.

    If only I knew that conciousness didn't end with this life I could move on and just live. One thing that has brought me some relief from time to time is reading/hearing stories of spiritual experiences by those who are dying. Some of these stories are quite inspiring.

    Another thought that sometimes brings me a little relief is that so many people have went before us. There are so many awesome people who have already taken on the great unkown. I don't know why that would bring any comfort but for some reason it does a little.

    My husband is confident that there is an afterlife. His mom passed away from cancer and he was with her when she died. He says that while it was a mentally exhausting experience it was also very spiritual for him. He is always telling me that if I could find faith in the overall scheme of things I would find peace. He also believes in God though not the typical Christian verson of God.

    Anyway, it's somewhat comforting to find others who are going through the same thing I am. x

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Cat,

    Thank you for writing!

    I agree, if there were some guarantee about consciousness, I think a lot more people could relax – it's too bad that, most likely, we will never have something like that.

    I'm happy to hear that your husband supports you and, from what I understand, understands what you're going through and how you feel.

    And as long as you cn get some comfort by visiting here, you're more than welcome!

  • frank says:

    hi my name is frank im 17 years old and live in bckeye az

    i want to comment on this subject because i am not your average !7 yo you know the one. who gose around vandleizing stuf and causeing trouble no im am not anyof thise things. i am frank the one who has always beleaved in trying to do the right thing not because of god or because im trying to impress anyone because i beleave in helping others becasue it makes you feel good in side and knowing that you have made a small diffrence in another persons life. i treat others the way i woul like to be treated and i am sencire and dont lie at all. here is my story

    on october 24th 445 am i was in the bath and listening to music i herd a song on the radio about love and romeo and juliet i had got to thinking about the person i love her name is melissa and i am in love with her she is my best friend and dosent know it we have know eachother for 3years and she and i would make a great couple but she is with my other best friend adam. then after thinking about her i got to think about romeo and juliet and how they died for there love and i told myself that if i died i wouldnt be happy with the life i live and i got to deep into thinking about death that i starte crying and thinking that theres nothing after this and i had such a horribel fear it is undiscrible. i quickly got out of the bath and layd down to try in sleep but it came back the same feeling and i cryd once more and cryed. and remember im not a person who belaves in god. but my fear was so stronge that i cryd and felt hopless so i layd the with nothing and feeling empty so i began to pray “god” i said “please help me i want to beleave in you i want to beleave that there is a heaven that we dont just die” i sat there pondering for a min and then i finished my prayer “god please show me a sign that your there anything anything at all”.

    december 13 2006 324 am one of the more colder times of the year a few friends a decided to hang and drink beside a bong fire. it was around 1am when we began drinking and still frezzeing our asses off it was me abran my best friend who i could go to for anything and he had my back. but unfortenitly this night wasnt one of them. as i said we were drinking and it was a few of us it was late and we were all just out of it and one of our mutal friends nene a 12yo boy who hung with us quite offten decides he wants to go home but he makes the decition to stay at abrans house who lived about ten houses down. he asked abran walk me to your house abran sayts no and he asked me i said fine hes wasted and in wasted we begen to head towrds the back gate i thought to myself ill stay till he falls asleep and ill go back> we arrive and open the garage door where theres a bed and a tv where we chilled offten. i lay hm down and he begens to talk go to sleep i said he says well im not tierd i knowing that he is say ok well just try to sleep off the alcohol i say hurry up and go to sleep so i can go back a big mistake. he says your not staying i say no im just going to stay till you fall asleep he says no im not going to sleep cause your gonna leave me here and me the genius !5yo that i was say fine ill sleep to thinking to myself he will sleep if i say i will but that wasent my plan it was to let hm sleep and me go back. but oh how that back fired i lay there thinking when is he going to sleep then i hear a faint voice say hey you up i say yes go to sleep he says no i cant i say go to sleep he wispers imh morny and i say waht go to sleep dude. but thinking to myself that hes crazy im 15 and hes 12 he turns my way and touches me. i dont refuse him i let him and i let hm carry on. it got further and hore intense then out of nowhere the garage door begens to open and my heart begens to race fast as it gets higher i pull up my pants as quickly as i can and try to make myself look asleep. abran and two others walk in and look at me and yell whats taking so long me with my pants half off trying to look like im sleeping say im waiting till he gose to sleep. they were sespicious and abran pulls the blanket off and he thinks the worst he thinks that i raped him\. he takes a step back and yells get out leave right now> i say alright man chill let me tell you what happend he yells it again get out i dont care leave. as i pull up my pants the rest of the way. one of the othe kids say lets fuck him up and i say man fuck you im leaving and the kid says it again lets fuck im up i look at abran he closes his fist and as i begen to turn to walk out the kid who had said it punches me in the face and i shove him out of my way and he comes back and hits me in the baack of the head and as i begin to turn to fight back all three rushed towrds me and start jumping me and they throw me to the ground and begin to stomp on me. om on the ground telling them leave me alone and the keep going i grab one of there legs and drop one he falls and they help him up and i knew that that was my chance to try and get away i get up and run i turn around and say i thought you had my back i thought we were brothers to abran and the kid who said lets fuck him up runs behind me and hits me in the rib with a bike handle bar. i try to run and with my rib hurting and my mind out of it i go to a friends house and ask his dad for a ride and he asked what happen i say i cant tell you and he aske were you with aran when this happen to you i say hes the one who did this with 2others. and he asked again what happen i say i cant tell you he takes me home and i tell him thanks thanks you i will probibly never see you again and i say im sorry i cant tell you and he says can i trust you to tell your mom and i say i have to. i get to the dorr and my mom opens it i forgot to say that i had called her from my friends house. i tell her every thing and shes so disapointed in me and filled with rage. we couldnt go to the police because i feard for my life so we didnt go to the hospital either. the next day i wke up with a knot the size of a softball on my head and a busted lip. my my is up and she dosent even look at me i think not for that whole day. i tell my dad let me borrow the phone he give it to me and i gow down stairs i sit on the couche hurting and not knowing what i was going to do. i pick up the phone and dial abrans nuber i get int o a corner and put the phone against my ear it rings i dont know what im going to do but im a do it i said in my head he picks up i wait like7sec b4 i say anything i say abran its frank and he says what thefuck do you want i say let me tell you what happend he say man fuck you if you ever come around here you dead and i say so this is how you want to end it like that he says fuck you and hangs up.

    october 25 2008 i get on myspace and look at my messages i have one new message its from a girl yesena one of my friends sister who i knew way back when me and abran were still friends i had messages her like 4 months before she replyed and told her if i could talk to her to get a few things off my chest i knew she knew abran and that night had haunted me till that very day i had nightmares where abran killed me and dreams when were friends again. she said in the message yeah sure i dont get on offten call me and i text her and told her what happend she didnt know anything about it then she text me later that night ad said hey miguel wants to talk to you he said he and abran feel bad about the whole thing and im scared and happy at the same time and she says he want to really talk to you and i say if thats what you think is best she says only if you want to and i say yeah give him my number. although migiel had nothing to do with it he abran and i were all really close we were like brothers. miggs texts me thats what i call him and he says hey whats up i say so you talked to your sister he says yeah. i say so you wanted to talk to me he says yeah man me and abran have ben lookingfor you for a long time. i say really he says yeah dude abran regrets what he did to you and he wants to call you to say sorry i tell him dude im crying right now cause i dont know how to feel about it. i told him that i felt like it could be a set up or it couldnt. i said dude i never wanted anything more then for he and i to talk and he gave me his nuber and said he want you to call him. i call it rings and i wait i say hi he says francisco i say abran he says so what up i say wel you tell me he says i dont know dude we have ben trying to reache you for a long as time isay nothing he sas i wanted to say im sorry for what i did. i stay quiet and i begin to say dude i dont know how to feel i lost i thought you hated me and never wanted to see me again he says naw dude i wanted to find you and im crying and trying to speak i mumble dude you have no idea what i went through and he says i know dude thats why i wanted to find you to say im sorry and i say no dude you dont need to. he says i want to and i say dude i know you do i eplaind to him how i felt and he listen this time and i told him what happend and he said sorry and i said im the one whos sorry and he said dude all i want for us is to be friends again and i say thats all i ever wanted. he says me and miggs would love for all of us to chill again like old time and i say i dont know if i can cause i still am having mixed feelings abbout this. i told him that i dont know if it could be a set up and he said me and miggs thought you might think that and he sadid thats why you pick the time and the place and i sadi no if you guys really want to be friends again then theres no need and then on cot 29 we hung out ant talked for the first time in almost 5 years. and just like that the biggest mistake and regret in my life just dissapers gone forever me and the only thing closes to a brother that i have are talking working things out. i have never wanted anything more then to have my friend back even though he did what he did knowing that he knows what he did was fucked up gives me closeure and insures me that we can work out our friendship.

    i to was afraid of death and was not a beleaver of god and when i asked for a sing he gave me a miracle

  • frank says:

    I KNOW I MADE A LOT OF SPELLING MISTAKES BUT IF YOU WANT I CAN REDO A REVISED VERSION? BUT WHAT I SAID ON THERE WAS 100% TRUE THIS REALLY HAPPEND TO ME AND I REALLY AM TALKING TO HIM NOW AND TRYING TO WORK THINGS OUT.

  • George Z says:

    November 27, 2006……….I posted that the day before my mother had fallen at the age of 98 years, was in excellent health, never had surgery, not even sick that I could remember.

    My mother died on Christmas day 2006 as a result of a broken hip.

    The issue I posted on was death. I submit that anyone who is afraid of death read the post of nearly two years ago.

    email me with questions………ggallerygeorge@aol.com

  • Brian says:

    It is sort of comforting to know that I belong to this human race with all of these people that share my fears and thoughts. I generally go through life focused on goals in the future and am not usually conscious of death or dying. I'm 26 years old, and I haven't lost anybody that I am close to yet, and that sort of scares me itself. I get the impression that most people while growing up would have lost at least a few people they were close to by the time they were my age. It's really strange to think about that. I'm feeling pretty down right now though. I watched "A Walk to Remember" for the second time in my life. I saw it in the theater in 2002 and bought it on DVD when it came out, but hadn't watched it a second time until just a few days ago. I remember thinking it was a really good movie, which is why I bought it, but when I watched it this time, it made me very sad and reflective. I don't want to ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen it or read the book, so I won't discuss the plot or events. Generally speaking; however, love lost seems so much more painful than never loving, but I love the people in my life. It's almost as if there is a price for loving somebody: that they will eventually be taken away from you. I fear that very much. I've felt like this twice before. Once was when I saw my grandfather after having not seen him for a long time. I noticed how much older he had gotten and how his mind was starting to go. It made me think of death. The time before that, was when my girlfriend had joined the Army Reserves and I worried so much that something bad was going to happen to her because of the war in Iraq. She ended up leaving the military and coming home, which I am thankful for, but I couldn't understand how immobilized I was while she was away. The world was a completely different place. I could barely even eat or sleep. I could barely function at work. Each time, I felt this way, I thought more about God. I've never gone to church in my life, but the older I get, the more I think about attending. I don't think that orthodoxy is for me, however. I like to believe that when we die, we get to choose what happens next. I wish to be reincarnated and come back to Earth to live another life and see the world through another set of eyes. I think even that we can come back in earlier times to relive the lives of people long gone. Now, I am feeling this immense sadness again, and I just want to get back to living. I stumbled upon this site and just wanted to share my feelings with other people. We are sharing this burden, and by doing so, it lightens the load for each of us. My thoughts and prayers go out to all of you, so that you may find your path in the darkness.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    George Z,

    Thanks for reminding us.

    Brian,

    Thanks for writing! No doubt it would be interesting to return to Earth and see things from another perspective, bur preferably with keeping one's awareness and earned knowledge so far in existence.

  • A says:

    I don't know if anyone else is afraid for these kind of reasons as well. I just always find it extremely unfair, how we try so hard to accomplish many things in life, and then one day, all those accomplishments would be gone; unable to enjoy or feel satisfied with your accomplishments. That's basically the summary of why i fear of death. I guess similar to everyone else, we just do not want to part from our loved ones. However besides that, I just feel really disappointed, not being able to experience every single thing on the Earth, or to stay with the Earth until it cannot survive as a planet anymore. I just find it very painful to accept the fact that I will one day disappear forever, and never have any thoughts and feelings again…it's just too overwhelmingly scary.

    I've been afraid of death since I was capable of forming memories (~4 years old), I always believed that life is too short. I'm sure we all know we cannot do anything about it, which makes me more scared and feel even more unfair. Sometimes I rather not have been alive at all, then I wouldn't even get the chance to feel this fear, and suffer.

    From reading the comments, I realize that you people out there are suffering from a much severe case, where you constantly think about it/feel it. It only happens to me when I intentionally think about it, but the feeling is so vivid…the feeling of not being able to think/feel, and ever know what will happen ever again.

    Yea I also agree in wishing that we could come back to Earth, but I don't like the idea of reincarnation much, maybe because I am selfish; I want to be on Earth, with my conscious not somebody elses'. I wouldn't mind being reincarnated as any organisms though, as long as I'm on Earth, with my conscious….well that's my wish ahah, won't happen of course.

    I figure it's really because I love and enjoy being on Earth, and do not ever want to leave it…does that go for anyone else?

  • Robert Nyman says:

    A,

    I feel I can relate very much to all you said. We work so hard to learn and to be better persons, and then it all goes away – it's feel so futile at times to even try (but of course we continue to, just as we should).

    I love it here as well, and get terrified when I think that I won't be here anymore and won't ever feel or think anything again.

  • Andy says:

    Yea I read your 1st post carefully afterwards…it's very similar to my ideas

  • approaching 40 says:

    HI there, like all of you I too have searched the net and am relieved to feel that I am not alone. I have often wondered just how many of us share this fear and knew there had to be so many. I remember being about 3 or 4 and crying to my brother that we were going to die – from then I had a medium fear of dying. However, 3 years ago I suffered a very traumatic experience and it compounded the fear and I would lie paralysed with fear about death and the unknown. I remember asking my mum if she feared death and she said "You just come to accept it" – I hope so. While my fear is real what is odd is that when I think of death and nothingness a mental image comes into my head – the image is stunningly beautiful, a vast lush valley like image – a crisp blue sky, green green grass – it makes me laugh because it should be black emptiness yet it's not..

    I have like many people here pondered the alternatives, seeking reassurance, and have found none. Reincarnation scares me as I think what if I come back as a starving child or a victim of some kind? The after life – to me it's floating around in nothingness – and of course the "maybe I'll live forever" scenario – I spoke to my son about this because as I questioned my mother he questioned me and I said that I would hate to live forever because all you lose is love many times over. He said "what if we all lived forever"? – To me that would mean that we would have no room on this earth so then we would have to stop procreating – their would be no drive, no ambition, no reason to work or to strive for what we wanted – because we would have all the time in the world. It feels great to be able to put this down in writing – a relief of some kind. I think my fear is the actual moment of death, will it hurt, will I be stricken with terror, logically I think not, I think that my brain will shut down before my body. I will go back to the trauma I suffered 3 years ago, it was very brutal but during this I felt no pain, shock maybe but no physical pain. As a footnote, I found this site when I typed in "help I'm turning 40" lol – maybe there's something in that. What interested me with your post was that you said you have a wonderful life – it is true that the more we have then the more we have to lose. In happy times of my life I too have felt this sense of foreboding – when I feel this I hug my son and feel what is real an tangible and that is his love for me and mine for him. I think it is a signal to us to cherish what we have, to mind it and protect it.

    Take care……….

  • Andy says:

    It just bothers me, how helpless us humans are, and how unfair it is to part with Earth….and lose all your memories, experiences, skills….

  • Robert Nyman says:

    approaching 40,

    Thanks for sharing! I really like your mental image of death: I sincerely hope it is something like that!

    And yes, what would happen if we ere to live forever (whatever that is)? It's hard to say what we humans would actually be like. And I guess some of us would still die in accidents and the like, and then we would be petrified in doing anything, since any sort of risk would stop our forever-lasting lives. So I'm not really sure what alternative would be better – but it still doesn't stop me from being scared out of my mind!

    But absolutely, we should definitely cherish all we have, as much as we can!

    Andy,

    Thanks for writing! Yes, it's far beyond our imagination, and I wonder if man will ever truly understand death, or our very existence.

  • Leee says:

    I thought that I was one of the few that was so scared of dying, but after reading through almost every posting here I have begun to realise that its not really a fear of death itself that I have but of dying alone and unloved. And of leaving people that love me behind.

    This fear of dying has increased in the last year since the end of my 17yr marriage. I can't put the blame anywhere on the split up, but after having dreams of getting old together with my ex-wife, I now find it so scary dying alone.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Leee,

    Thanks for writing!

    I think that what you describe, being alone the last years in life, is a fear you share with many people, me included. Hopefully you nor anyone else will have to go through with that.

  • Rhino says:

    Hey guys im 13, but anyway ive been looking for something like this and ive never found one with similar feelings that i have until now these exactly the feelings ive been feeling for 6-12 monthes and i want to know i cant get the thoughts out of my head and i want to believe in God as i am a christian but i cant get my head around it and i just want the thoughts to stop they are always at night and i cant sleep and sometimes i cry my self to sleep sometimes and i want to know if anti depressants would maybe help me or not for a short period of time

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Rhino,

    Thank you for writing!

    It is very very hard to say what's the best thing to do, and it varies greatly between different persons.

    My completely personal view is that while medication might help or make you think less about dying, it doesn't really treat the actual fear. It is probably better to talk to others about this: close ones, family and such, and if that's not an option, try to get professional therapy help from someone to just talk to.

  • Tara says:

    Robert,

    I'd like to start off by saying what a relief it is to have come across this site. I found comfort in some of these responses, and in knowing that I'm not the only one experiencing such thoughts.

    I'm 17 and live in Beirut, Lebanon. Ironically, I've been close to death but the fear of death hasn't hit me until tonight. I guess the notion of death is one people like to suppress, avoid and overlook. I chose not to absorb myself with those kinds of thoughts, I have been enjoying my life too much to think about the endpoint, but tonight, I was curious as to where my train of thought would take me. And the result was absolute fear.

    Although I do share a lot of fears; the fear of having lived an fulfilling life, leaving behind loved ones, etc- I guess my biggest fear is that of the unknown. What will become of me after I die? What will happen to me? Re-incarnation or whatnot does not comfort me because I want this life, who I am now, to be eternal. I dismiss the idea of heaven and hell and don't find comfort in the afterlife, I seem to be in denial about the whole prospect of death.

    I want to remain "tara", rather than succumb to the immortality of my spirit. I hope my stubbornness is just a phase, and that over time I do start accepting the idea of death.

    I'd like to thank the author for the wonderful post and the readers whose insight I found comfort in.

    Thank you. :)

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Tara,

    Thanks for writing!

    I feel the exact same way, I just want to continue being me, and that the same should go for my loved ones and their existence.

    When it comes to starting thinking and see where it leads you, it's probably a good thing to do, but at the same time I think you're opening a door to thoughts where you can never find an answer, and it's very hard to make those go away again.

  • Eric K says:

    It is not accurate to say I am afraid of death, Once I am dead, I will either find the other side, or experience nothing whatsoever for the rest of eternity or so I believe.

    My belief system makes it difficult to believe there is a utopia awaiting me. I feel I will find the same fate as a squished ant, and simply cease to exist. Once this happens there are no worries.

    It is the knowledge that one day this will happen which create the worries. Seeing a movie with death awakens such worries. Sitting with my own thoughts at night triggers such worries. For me these worries are not terribly often…maybe once or twice a month. They have been with me since I was maybe 12 years old.

    I can speak about death freely and easily, this is no problem as I am now. On occasion however after pondering the topic, knowing one day I will never again be with my lovely wife and child hits me like a ton of bricks on my chest. In every countless occurrence in my life my fight or flight response takes and instinctively pounce to my feet. Typically I run to my closest loved one and hug them until my fear subsides.

    I write this not because I expect anyone to provide me with a solution to calm my fears. I write this to share my experience with those who may be experiencing similar fears, and to explain what is going in my mind to those who are fortunate not to have such fears.

  • Eric K says:

    my two cents

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Eric K,

    Thank you for sharing!

    I think that's the gist for most people: they are happy, don't ponder about death too much, but now and then the thoughts hit them hard, and they just can't let go of their loved ones.

    It's very hard, but the upside is that hugging your close ones is always a good thing.

  • FERNANDA says:

    Hi Robert

    I was looking for budhism and fear of dying and came acroos your posting in 2006.

    Somehow, as I was reading, it was as if I had written it because I so much identify with everything you say and everything you feel. My life is very similar. I am now 56 and I have had this fear since I was 5. Fourteen years ago I was in a very bad state emotionally but have always managed to keep myself going using alternative therapies. I tried several religions, I’ve read extensively, I listen to lots of cds, watched so many videos, attended so many work shops and talks but in the end I feel like you that I can ‘t bear the thought that ” my life will end, that my body will stop functioning, that all the thoughts, love and sorrows I bear with me will vanish. That I will cease to exist, and that I will be just gone” (quoted from your text).
    I know that it is ilogical because it seems pointeless to worry all the time about something we can do nothing about. It also does not matter to me if I am going to reencarnate. What I don’t want is to stop existing. Although part of me is very spiritual and believe in energies I tend to relate more to my body than to my spirit. I don’t care what happens after I die. I am also not dealing very well with getting old. Although I look really young for my age, as my doctors says: you don’t look your age but you are your age.

    Have you had any changes in your views since 2006 and after reading all the comments from people who wrote to you?

    If you asked me today if I would like to win the loto or finally accept death and have piece of mind ,I would happily give up everything just to come to terms with death and dying.

    I still handle my life normaly but I feel that I could fall off the cliff any time because I lost balance. I am forever watching myself and trying to keep steady on a tight rope.

    Hope we can all find some peace and come to terms with death. I am still trying all means I can find at least to keep going.

    Love to you all

    Fernanda

  • Robert Nyman says:

    FERNANDA,

    Thank you for writing!

    Regarding if I have changed my view in the almost three years since I wrote this: not really, essentially.

    I would say that I have my ups and downs, just like most people, I guess. At some times it feels very present and I feel near panicking, and at other times I don't think about it at all.

    What touches me, though, is that there are so many people out there with the same kind of thoughts, and if me, or any of the commenters, expressing what we feel here, can in any way bring some comfort or other perspective to the matter, it gladdens me to help out!

    All in all, I think it's vital for us to spend time with our loved ones, express our love and gratitude for the time we have with them and make the most out of our time as possible. That's the best we can do, share love and make every minute count!

  • FERNANDA says:

    Hi Robert

    Yesterday after I wrote to you I continued reading about budhism and how they relate to death and came across this site which was very helpful to me. Maybe it might help you and the people that come to your blog. :

    http://www.katinkahesselink.net/tibet/death_jagar

    I read the article and it touched me in a way nothing had done before. In fact I decided this morning to meditate as he suggested on my death. I imagined myself as a corpse and then being cremated and being reduced to powder in a small box. I was looking at this happening as an observer and the feeling I got for the first time ever was that I can't be just that body that turned into powder. It was as if the observer was the real me and not my body.

    It was a very interesting experience. Somehow it gave me a feeling that I can't really explain. If you read the article or in fact I would like to suggest that olther people read it as well, you might get some insight and who knows it might make you feel better.. I had heard before that meditating on your death could be very helpful but never believed it. I think I will continue doing it.

    I am always searching for things that will help me because If I am strong and happy so are the people around me, but if I am miserable I make my life and the life of others very sad.

    Have a good week.

    Fernanda

  • Robert Nyman says:

    FERNANDA,

    Thanks for sharing!

    I also completely agree with what you said in your last paragraph.

  • FERNANDA says:

    Hi Robert.

    Thanks for your reply.

    If you do read the article on the link I sent you I would love to know your opinion.

    Fernanda

  • Robert Nyman says:

    FERNANDA,

    I will, at some time. Currently, I just need to focus on other things, because at this time I don't want to think about it.

  • anand says:

    i want to die now. but i do not know how to die

  • Robert Nyman says:

    anand,

    I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you manage to find meaning in your life.

  • FERNANDA says:

    Hi Anand

    I hope Robert won’t mind my sending you a message.
    I am sorry you feel so unhappy with life at the moment.
    I am new on this site and I don’t know if you have ever talked about the reasons for your wanting to die.

    I would just like to suggest a book following from what Robert said about finding meaning in your life.

    The book is called ” Man search for meaning” by Victor Frankl

    I read it many years ago and it helped me a lot. Just an idea for you.

    Take care

    Fernanda

  • Robert Nyman says:

    FERNANDA,

    Absolutely, you are more than welcome to contribute whenever you want to!

  • Sarah says:

    Hi All,

    I am so very thankful for all of your thoughts and feelings over death. I am new to this fear of dying, and it has taken over my life in the past few months. I had a traumatic incident occur in my life and I have not fully recovered from it, to say the least.

    What I fear the most is dying right now. I am young- ish and have someone in my life who I do not want to lose. I am afraid of losing him and that makes me afraid of death. I am not afraid of the pain of dying but just that sense of loss. As many of you have stated, it is controlling my life at this point and giving me anxiety.

    There are certain things that help…meditating, exercising, finding something that takes your mind off of your thoughts…but sometimes the fear is overwhelming.

    I am trying to simply accept my fear, and roll with it. Look it in the face and come to terms with the fact that no matter what I do, I will die. And if we all die it must be ok.

    I appreciate everyone's comments and hope we can all find some sense of peace about the unknown.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Sarah,

    Thanks for writing!
    I think each and everyone of us need to find whatever takes our mind of it; like you say, meditating might be good for some people, while exercising might be for others.

    And I totally agree, to be able to get some piece of mind, we do need to try and accept, no matter how much we dislike that thought. I hope you, me and everyone else will find as much peace as possible about this.

  • Scared Teen says:

    Hey Everyone,

    I'm a young teenager, and this has probably been talked about many times over this post, but i had to get this off my chest.

    I love life. I love my family, i love my friends, and i enjoy it to the fullest. Lately though, i have been thinking a lot about death and dying, and it is driving me crazy to know that i will be nothing someday. I'm not a religious guy, so please don't tell me things like join god and it will be ok, not that i don't respect everyone's opinion.

    I start to ask questions like why are we here, why does this have to end, and what happens when it does. These questions fill my mind all the time at night, and i hate it. I cant acknowledge the fact that someday i will have no thoughts or anything. I will be nothing. Dust.

    And dont get me wrong, i want to believe in a god and afterlife, but i cant without actually seeing it.

    Writing about all this actually helped, but tonight i will still not be able to sleep..

    I want to live a long and happy life, but losing everything that i love and have worked so hard for during my short life makes me feel helpless and miserable.

    Sorry for the long post.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Scared Teen,

    Thank you for writing! I think that, for me, my first really strong thoughts and fears of dying came in my teens as well. Probably since one has many important decisions to make which will shape one's future, and one starts to wonder about what and if it really matters.

    It's hard to state what you should do, so my advice, no mater how cliché it will sound, is to try and make the most out of your time, and make sure to be true to yourself in the decisions you make.

    Good luck, and don't hesitate to write here again if you feel sad or down!

  • William Royce says:

    Earlier this year I had some chest pains when I worked out (I'm 50) my doctor said I should see a Cardiologist. They ran a bunch of tests and then called me one evening to say the tests showed reduced blood flow to the front of my heart. I went in the bedroom and cried so hard – I was so afraid. Anyway, after a more definitive test it turned out to be a false positive on an earlier test and my heart is absolutely fine. Here's the thing – I am now freaked out about dying. I've been freaked about it in the past but this is much worse. I too am a Christian and prayer has brought me much relief but I have so many doubts and then I think God is going to punish me because my faith is weak and here's the real kicker… I was a minister for 10 years!

    I can't accept that this life is it – that there's nothing more but how can I be sure? How can anyone?

    To all who share this fear – live everyday to the full, make your life count by serving others (you'll long be remembered) and try prayer (even if you're not a believer) it takes away the loneliness and gives you strength (and yes, I'm preaching to myself).

  • Robert Nyman says:

    William,

    Thank you very much for sharing! I'm glad that your condition turned out well – I have imagined a couple of times how I would react in such a situation.

    And I agree, all we can do is make the most out of our time, and take care of the people around you.

  • Sue D says:

    I was poking around the web, looking for some answers to the question: "how to talk to someone who is dying," and I came across this site.

    The fear of death is too huge to contemplate.

    The priests and shamans, since the beginning of human consciousness have recognized this fear and, in a move to either control or help with people's fears, created religion and tried to assuage these fears with fabrications and myths; which should help somewhat in the unconscious part of our brains.

    What they don't realize is that their incantations and lies do not help in the least. They put out what they think the populace will swallow. And, sadly, most of the populace will, indeed, swallow it. Or try to swallow. Most often, it lodges in our throats because it isn't the truth. We recognize the truth as soon as it is spoken, yet everyone lies. I feel badly calling anyone a liar; it's more a case that everyone attempts to put forth their very best guess and, voila! the winning guess turns into a religion.

    If anyone has ever sat with a dying person and truly empathized what it must be feeling to be them, facing the on/off switch, knowing that any minute they could be switched off forever; it has to be a very frightening thing to face. We approach our own time of death, knowing that it is inevitable, knowing that billions of people have died before us, yet somehow we feel like the "only one" who shouldn't have to die.

    My husband is at his cousin's deathbed right now, trying to help out in any way he can, yet not having the slightest knowledge of how to help. I'm searching for words for him to use with his cousin, but we aren't sure of his cousin's religious beliefs and we would find it very difficult to speak of an afterlife to him if he is agnostic or atheist. I sometimes imagine myself dying and picture the religious people I know coming to see me "to say good-bye," and offering their religious platitudes and it makes me want to puke. You wouldn't want to tell them to stuff their beliefs and leave you alone with your own. But when it's your death and it happens to be the biggest thing you've faced in your entire lifetime, you're not going to want someone butting in to your private time of dying with their "best guess."

    I've heard of people "accepting" their impending death and wonder what it feels like to give up and just let it happen.

    While I appreciate all the comments made here for the last 3 years, I'm sad to say that I'm not coming away with any answers. Even an ex-minister is able to admit that he, too is as afraid as the rest of us.

    We're all in the same boat and we don't have a paddle. Something is wrong with this scenario.

    Good luck to us all.

    I wish I could have put this into a more interesting context. I wish someone could make a really good guess – as he or she will be the next messiah!

    I feel so sorry for my husband, who has his own problems expressing his emotions, to be at the side of his male cousin, who also was raised to not talk about feelings.

    We need a truthteller!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Sue,

    Thanks for writing! It's is, naturally, a very hard question. And, honestly, my personal opinion is that I don't think there's a good reply to it.

    From my experience, what I've heard and similar, I believe that it is probably not worth trying to give them an explanation or soothing words about something that no one of us actually know anything about – as you say, it might offend or disturb them.

    I think, when in such a situation, the best thing we can do is just to be there for them. Show them that we love them, that we will stick around for whatever happens and no matter what's next, we're there to hold their hand.

    Talk about memories and try to make the last part of their life as pleasant as it can possibly be.

  • Steve says:

    Hi Robert – thanks for your blog. You've started quite an interesting conversation. I turned 40 this year and the strange thing is that when I was a child I used to freak myself out and cry myself to sleep imagining about what living forever would be like. Living forever and ever and ever…

    Just before and since 40 I've thought about dying more than ever before, and sometimes just the mere thought of it gives me chest pains. not good. I've been a Christian for most of my life and in my 30s I had enough personal encounters with God to convince me that God was very very real. Real enough that I took a few risks that ten years later have all turned out not because of coincidence or good planning but because I was doing what God was calling me to do. I know most people would think that is a bunch of crap, but there it is. So, if I had all this great stuff happen and God was so real, what happened? Where did it go and can I get it back?

    If I was more post-modern I'd be content with "creating" meaning for my life (e.g. make the best of the time you have now, etc..).

    The thing is, I don't want to "create" anything. I want to "know" what is true and then live accordingly.

    I used to KNOW. Then I BELIEVED. Now I DOUBT. Strange how that happened. I hope that I will find knowing again. God's peace to you all.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Steve,

    Thanks for your comment.

    I think that that's just different between people: some like to create what they believe is best for them, other look for meaning and knowing to come/be there for them.

    All I can really say is that I hope everyone gets as happy as they can be, and that whatever they're looking for will be found/come to them.

  • Fara says:

    First to Robert –

    Thank you for sharing what so many can relate with and may I say struggle with.

    To Steve –

    I have been acutely aware of my mortality my entire life. I'm 26 and a divorced single mother. I was raised in a Christian home by parents who struggled with fear and faith.

    In childhood I would lay awake hours past my bedtime in total terror of eternity and the big question that noone could ever answer satisfactorily – When did God begin?

    I believe as children we are vulnerable to Lucifer's torments. And I was one he tormeted. Only praying that God would make me go to sleep would I ever get to sleep. If I forgot to pray I'd keep myself awake way past Letterman. (my father worked rotating shifts) My parents very much tried to shelter me from things I was too young to comprehend – to reduce my fears. But nevertheless I absorbed everything I could. I am the exact same way today. I am a black hole for information. If it gets close enough I absorb it and store it away for future use.

    Tonight – 2:30 in the morning – I find myself in a similar situation as I did when I was a child. Fearing my mortality and immortality.

    My child is 5. This world is becoming a spinning pit. Creation has done nothing but degrade since it's genesis. I believe my son's future holds more heartache for him than my future did for me when I was a child. How will he cope when I am gone? Who will he have to rely on?

    But there is also an underlying current.. that I am here for more than I know. And I have been desperately seeking that unique reason. I know I'll find confirmation when I've arrived at that point..but the journey there is interminable. I pray the Lord's Will be done in my life but I hesistate that part of His will for my life might resemble (even 1%) that of Job's. And THAT makes me anxious.

    I can also very much related to the up's and down's of your faith and sympathize with your time of stagnation. I would love to hear your story more in depth if you don't mind.

    I do hope you return to see this.

    My email – flcor13@hotmail.com

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Fara,

    Thank you for writing!

  • merma says:

    The horror about death is not the physical pain, or what happens after death, which I think is nothing. The horror of death is that moment, when you know you will die, when you are in a bed getting ready to go, saying the last farewell to your family and friends. If in live we get horrible thoughts because of someone cheating us, or because we lied to someone, imagine the psychological process that is dying. Imagine what people is thinking when they say goodbye to people. Death is psychological challenge to which we prepare all our life. Heaven and Hell do exist, is that moment when you are about to die, when you are having the Final Thought, if you have a good self esteem/clean consciou, you will have a blissful experience, otherwise a hellish experience. I believe that when dying the body releases a lot of chemicals to sedate us and make us feel good, thus people report seeing that tunnel and a feeling of tranquility. Maybe people with bad self esteem due to their actions in life have less pain relieving chemicals and have a worse death experience. It probably is better to die in an accident, without ever realizing it, as to skip that psychological horror.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    merma,

    Thanks for writing. I agree that it is probably very hard on one psychologically, but overall, personally, I worry more about ceasing to exist rather than the actual moment of dying.

  • Toby says:

    I randomly came across this thread whilst googling, very interesting.

    I too have these anxiety attacks and almost a dull sense of my mortality constantly looming in the back of my mind.

    I cannot agree with you more that it seems to come in waves and also as I am falling to sleep, all of a sudden Im in a panic, sweating saying "oh my god" to myself over and over.

    I know personally I just have to say to myself "fuck it go to sleep you prick" and funny enough this is actually the only thing i've found that helps, simply suppressing it.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Toby,

    Thanks for writing! And definitely, I guess we all have our ups and downs…

    Sometimes suppressing/focusing on other things really help, and if that's the solution of the day, so be it. The most important thing is that we feel well.

  • Crystal says:

    I don't even know how old this post is! But on a different note, I'm 19 years old, and have watched my father, and my loved ones go on, and I don't know if It had a part on the way I am being terrified of dying, but I cry, for hours, & hours…the thought of living your whole life, but you REALLY didn't gain anything at all. I am so depressed by the thought of dying, I don't really have much friends anymore, I can't work, & it revolves around everything I do. It just seems like a sick joke to me, and It's not fair…I recently started praying, and reading passages out of the bible, and I'm by no means perfect, but what if there is a God? He seems to be my only hope, and If there is a God, and I have a chance of living for an eternity, why not take that chance? Why not put faith into SOMETHING, when you have nothing? It won't hurt you, I figure. They say he loves you unconditionally, and he died for your sins, because who knows we are not perfect, so I'm sold. It's a comfort. I would go back to doing various drugs, and drinking, but it gets old..having to rely on something to make you happy just doesn't seem right anymore.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Crystal,

    Thank you for writing! I'm sorry to hear that you have lost your loved ones.

    When it comes to faith, my opinion is that you should do whatever makes you feel better and gives you hope. Life might at times seem meaningless, but it's even a bigger waste if we are constantly sad.

    Good luck!

  • Justin Morales says:

    My name is Justin, I just turned 19 three days ago and came to the same conclusion as I did last time. When I was four years old, I thought waiting until I was Eighteen would take such a long, long time. Now, here I am at 19 and realizing that it passed in an instant. A mere blink of an eye. Time is so short, it’s so bitterly short.

    It’s 3:18am in the Morning here and this marks about the seventh consecutive day in which I have stayed up. I’ve been searching google, MSN and every other piece of literature in my library to research Death and the Great Beyond. My fear of Death comes not from going to Hell or whatever other religious equivalent. I am not religious, I do not believe in God nor do I disbelieve. I do not know if there is or is not and have come to terms with my limited knowledge and my lack of spiritual awareness. I am afraid of the possible outcome being ‘Nothingness’. People have said in many places,’ Why fear it? If death is Nothing, you won’t exist to worry about it.’ True, but I exist now and I like ‘existing’. I like thinking, I like watching my pointless television shows, I like playing video games, I like flirting with girls, I like reading books. I even like being lectured or scolded, because it all means I am alive…that I exist, that I am here and I am me. To suddenly be told or informed that when I die everything will cease, who I am or have become…my thoughts and dreams, my aspirations…my emotions and my feelings, never to experience the simple joy of looking at a picture or watching a Movie or even enjoying the taste of a stupid McDonald’s Cheeseburger. All these simple things we take for granted…and having the thought in my head that one day I will just fade away and never experience anything ever again; that just makes my throat clam up and my body tremble.

    I wish I was raised in religion…any religion. I wish I had Faith. When I was younger, I went to Church and thought I had found religion in Jesus. But I came to realize, the Bible and preachings ARE NOT the Word of God. It is the Word of Man INTERPRETING the Word of God. As far as ANY of you know, the Bible is just a bunch of babble to cause fear and world-wide control over the fearful. If God exists…why can’t he reveal himself? Why remain so seclusive and rely on us ‘finding’ Jesus in our heart? Why would such a Loving, Benevolent God rely on such a meager task when he could simply walk among us as a reminder and GOD and alleviate our fears? Where is God when the truly just die? Where is God when an innocent child has his parents gunned down in front of him and is left to live in the slums and starve to death? You defend that with ‘these are the Sins of Man’ but what did a child do to deserve such a fate?

    Do not get me wrong, I have done some serious wrongs in my life and sit back and wonder ‘What if?’ almost every single waking moment, thinking if I could change things in the past. However, I try my very best to be a good person and help others. I try my best to love and let love, to not discriminate and to simply enjoy the little things. But why does Life have to end? Why do I fear the Nothing to come (if it is Nothing)? I don’t want to die. I do not want to cease in my existing. I have looked to immortality, black magic and fictional answers, nanomachines and almost every other life-extension or indefinite life theory there is. I would rather burn in hell for eternity, existing in despair then not exist at all. I do not want to simply fade away…I want to experience and grow and learn and love and taste and all the other things regarded as life forever. I don’t care how boring it gets, I don’t care how much we consume or destroy the Planet because we’re a stupid, stupid race. Humankind is a Parasite, we take and we take and we never give back.

    But I love this Life and I can’t fathom non-existence. I don’t want to die and at the age of 19, I fear it to such an extent that I break into sobs and hate that I was ever born. Why bring me into existence…to learn and grow to love this Life I live…and then tell me that I will have to give it up, that I will die and A; Go to Hell because I am not Christian OR B; Fade into Nonexistence. I want to live, God be Damned. I want to continue!

  • Davis says:

    At 15 I can't seem to grasp the concept of nothingness and that when you die, you will fade into nothing, you won't be able to experience anything forever. Lately I've been thinking about it more than I should or want to, and at nights it gets me really depressed so I have to listen to the radio or something. It's been really serious lately that I think I may have necrophobia or something like that. I don't want to get into religion because while it helps me live happier it obscures the truth and blankets me under what sounds like false reassurance. Like a lot of people who have posted here I want to believe that there is an afterlife or reincarnation. For lack of a better word, it would SUCK to never experience anything ever again for infinity and beyond, to never see anything, to never be with anyone, to be in eternal darkness. I want to believe that everyone has a soul and that there is more to a person and their life and existance than their physical atoms, that we do have a spirit that carries on with us and allows us to at least live, even if it isn't on earth. However I'm scared that it's just my ego that I'm too important to die. It really comes down to the fact that I can't accept my inevitable death and the possibility that I will be in eternal darkness forever, never being able to experience life again.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Justin,

    Thank you very much for your comment! A lot of the things you write mirror what I, from times, feel too. I think this line of yours nails it:

    …I exist now and I like ‘existing’.

    Davis,

    Thank your for writing!

    You're definitely not alone when it comes to not wanting to accept an inevitable death. All we can do is try to make the best out the life we have, I think.

  • Anon says:

    I think it's all very tragic, personally.

  • April says:

    Oh my. Just reading that, and seeing that another person feel exactly the same as me so greatly quells my anxiety. One thing that makes my anxiety about this increase is the feeling that I'm the only one who feels this afraid of dying– and if that's the case, then it must be because I'm psychic or something and I just know I'm going to die soon, maybe in a year, maybe tomorrow… oh my god!

    That's the usual thought process.

    Thank you. I'm bookmarking this post for nights like these– when I Google "I'm afraid of dying."

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Anon,

    Do you find the thought of dying tragic, or being afraid of dying?

    April,

    I'm very happy to hear that it can be of any comfort to you!

  • paris says:

    Hey, I found this site by googling my anxiety about death and I find it interesting to see so many others from all walks of life with the same fear as me. I remember getting upset about death at a very early age, maybe 5 or 6ish I cannot be sure, but that was a one off until around the age of 12 where I couldn't shake this fear of death, I spoke about it with my parents when I couldn't sleep and their comforting words did ease my mind for the time being. Yet still the thoughts and fear of death haunt me persistantly, I myself am sercurely atheist unfortunatly so I believe that death is the end and eventually even my memory/my imprint upon this earth will be forgotten and it still scares me. Around the age of 15 I started to be able to avoid thinking about it, to block it out, but not anymore. Lately I have been scared of loosing my parents, I am an 18 year old male university student and I am scared when I look back at the person I was, being a child and how old I have grown since then, how old my parents have become, my dad has just hit the age of 50 and one day their comforting words will no longer be there. I guess the thoughts based around the fear of my own death have extended to my family as well now that I am older and it's just something I will have to deal with, maybe it's this added fear which has made me unable to block it out like I used to… to be honest im not sure, I find switching a light on whilst gathering my thoughts helpful or reading a book before going to bed definitely helps to take your mind off it. Anyway I just wanted to say that your thoughts echoed my own and I actually feel a little better now after reading this, unfortunatly I doubt this will last long but providing I manage to get to sleep before then it's not a problem, I only really properly think about it before going to bed which proves a problem if I want to get some sleep.

    thanks for the site

    I hope everybody manages to come to terms and be at peace with their own mortality, I hope I do at the very least

  • Robert Nyman says:

    paris,

    Thanks for sharing! I like your last sentence about coming to peace with mortality, and I really wish everyone do.

  • […] on the below article on http://robertnyman.com/2006/04/22/im-afraid-of-dying/. This is not my writing, but I connected with it and could hear myself recounting the same […]

  • Joe h. says:

    This is the best place I have come across on the internet,all the comments I am reading on here describe how I have felt .I became obssessed with dying at age 18.It ruined my life because I no longer cared about my future .I quit school and just did whatever I could that would occupy my mind.I was married young and ended up in a bad marriage.The turning point in my life took place when my 6 year old daughter was rushed to the ER .They confirmed that she had rye syndrome a powerful brain infection that no antibiotic could kill and if they could help her at all it would take months to recover and end up with brain injury . As I walked out of the hospital with my 8 year old son I was weeping openly. I was 36 years old and the thought of losing my daughter was more than I could stand.The next day when I returned to work a friend of mine who was deep into the Bible and church life heard my story and asked if I would pray with him for my daughter.At lunch time I stood next to him as he prayed for my gaughter and he told me to keep it up when I got home.That night I joined hands with my son and asked him to pray for his sister along with me.The next morning when I went to the hospital I couldn't believe my eyes, my daughter was sitting up in bed smiling and talking with a nurse who was giving her a new hairdo. I waited to talk to a pediatrician who had flown from south africa just to see my daughter and after he examined her he said to me she is fine no more sign of infection.I said to him doctor how can this be? did they make a mistake in the diagnosis? He turned to me and said young man do you believe in miracles? He said I can assure you there was no mistake made with the lab results, he said your daughter's infection was equivelant to gangerene in a grown man's leg that would require amputation!When I went back to work my friend told me that he had formed a prayer group from his church and along with his wife they prayed for my daughter's healing till the time they went to sleep.To make the story short, since then I have developed a strong belief in GOD. I can't say that I understand everything about how GOD works but then again are we suposed to know?? I am now 60 years old and even though I live alone I am enjoying life much more than before because now I don't think the way I used to think. I used to feel like why get to like anything? you will have to die and leave it all anyway..But today I can say enjoy your family and friends and everything because I believe that when we die nothing ends, everything continues at a much higher level.I do believe that there is no interruption in our life when we die.Forget the funeral parlor or the casket, that's not where we will be.When we die it will be like walking from one door way into the next no time lapse.We will enter enternity with no more of these agnozing fears or pains or separation from anyone or anything. Hope this helps someone.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Joe,

    Thank you for sharing!

    It makes me very very happy to hear that your daughter made it!

  • John Doe says:

    im also afraid of dying and being dead.

    my life has come to a point there is no point of living, no point of life, no point getting out of bed, no point in making new friendships or new relationships with people, no point of understanding human cruelty and killing eachother in different forms by war, murder, hate crimes, religion etc.

    where is point in that. i dont trust any human being, how can i.

    i wish i was never born so i didnt know, i didnt see, i didnt get hurt by everything. now i must see me dying, see my self 6ft underground in darkness. how cant i feel that. i do feel that yes i do. just the thought when im closing my eyes every time is a chance im ending my life by going to sleep.

    im still young but im walking dead.

    living but not breathing.

    every person is the same in terms of contexture, awareness, mortality, feelings, joy, sadness, etc. and we are still hurting eachother. irony, lies, cynicism, sarcasm, deception etc.

    personally i dont see point in all of that even if mass needs all those traits just to justify human evolution. that is crap

    i had to many sleepless nights when im lying in my bed and are afraid of closing my eyes becuase fear of dying.

    nobody can lie to him/her self by not being afraid of death. like yes its natural, you dont feel nothing when you are dead, you are wimp i am tuff, think positive not negative, etc etc.

    but that is a comfort zone, deny, lie.

    just when you watch your love one die in front of you, you are afraid

    you panic, you shake. child with mortal disease can scare every parent in the world and you dont hear somebody telling that person you are wimp im tuff, think positive, its natural, aaaa he is not gonna feel anything. it is ok. life goes on. you keep silent, thats what you do.

    i am aware of death and its meaning and thats scare crap of me

    just that you present thought can be so intense and focus on a summarized dot of your all life since you were born and baam you are dead, you are gone,

    if anybody had sleep paralysis thats the feeling i have. you know you gonna die but think you see your self dying like a preview and there i nothing you can do.

    the most scary part is when people know their time line. how can you come to agreement with your self.

    maybe death would not be so frightening if the world was an utopia

    a place where humans are trying do make them self a purpose by focusing on evolution in wider range. knowledge, science, solutions, disease cures, unlocking human potential and where there is no politics, no propaganda, no starvation, no wars, no crime, no deceptions, a solution to eliminate bad traits. no need for back/hidden thoughts. no more profits. no government

    just one union, one race, one nation, humans and only jobs of evolving our race in many fields, exploring etc.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Thank you for sharing.

    I don't really know i there's any comforting to say, and this might sound naive, but I guess the best thing we can do is be good people and hope that it will affect and influence other people too.

  • C. Blair says:

    I have thought alot about death during my life and have found that its not death at all that scares me. I find its the fear that all the wonderful memories , thoughts , emotions , the things ive seen in my life and the things ive felt will all be lost to time. And that over the years i will be forgotten , As generations of my family that are left behind slowly fade into the future. That the time will come when im not even a foot note in this world. That is what i have found truly scares and and makes me sad about the end.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    C. Blair,

    Thanks for writing!

    I agree, very much about the fear is not the moment of dying, but what we are missing out on, and what is lost.

  • Anon says:

    The phrase 'suspension of disbelief' kind of sums up every action and interaction I engage in. It's like an all-encompassing awareness, or filter.. maybe a lack of a filter.

    I struggle with seeing a particular significance in almost anything and I feel guilty about it.. to me it seems as if life has a fundamentally illusionary nature, like a shadow on the wall, or a reflection in a mirror, but what is it that is being reflected?

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Anon,

    Thanks for sharing!

    It's a very good question.

  • RiVvenGuard says:

    To chime in with what everyone else was saying. I agree with the majority on these posts. I'm 27 years old and I've been getting a lot of anxiety/ panic attacks lately. I started having these when my dog and grandma passed away a few years ago.

    I usually think about death right before I go to sleep because I think that's how death is. As if we're sleeping but never wake up. As we get older, we grow younger again physically and mentally. I try to see death as not an ending but as a rebirth. Nothing in our universe(s) die but just gets converted into a different source of energy. Like when a sun dies, it goes super nova which in return gives back energy of different elements that nourish the universe, or it transforms into a neutron star to form possible new planets.

    On top of all that, we are made of star dust also serves the point that nothing in this universe dies so to speak. Our physical bodies do but our energy gets recycled into something else. That is all we are, just energy. On that note, I think there is no reason to believe that human species is inferior to another, we rely on everything else just as it relies on us. I don't see myself as religious but I guess this is somewhat Buddhist philosiphy, I could be wrong though.

    "In all of our searching the only thing that makes the emptiness go away, is each other." Ted Arroway; Contact.

    RIP Carl Sagan.

    I suggest you guys watch Contact if you haven't already. It's a mind relaxer and touches base on the topic discussion.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Contact_%28film%29

  • Robert Nyman says:

    RiVvenGuard,

    Thanks for writing!

    And personally, I do like that view of that we will always, in some form, exist as energy and be part of the universe.

  • […] A friend recently mentioned fears of dying. […]

  • Mary says:

    I, too, have a terrible fear of dying. I do not know if it is considered a phobia, but often several times a day I am either overly grateful that I am still alive, or terribly frightened that at any given moment I will die. I know it seems dramatic, but realistically every one of us who has avoided terminal disease or fatal injury is a lucky person, since there are so many illnesses and dangers in the world.

    I mean, sure, that sounds paranoid. And I admit, I am paranoid and suffer from an anxiety disorder.

    The only way I can feel any better about death or debilitating illness (I fear both), is by reassuring myself that I have touched the lives of the people I love in a positive way, and that they will not forget me anytime soon.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Mary,

    Thanks for sharing!

    I think that sounds like a very good way to handle it, to think about making other peoples' lives better, and that they will remember you as a good person.

  • VeryConfused says:

    Robert i apologise, i said i didnt write on the net much and i think it's been proven by my inability to see that i had hit the back button before posting this long winded message. I beleive i wrote my message in your most recent post and not here where it should have gone lol. Here it is in the right place!

    Robert first off let me say hi and thanks. This one page has answered alot of questions and has shown me I am not alone. Now im not a very good writer i never usually respond to things i read on the net but i had to tell someone my story as it might help out someone as your origional post helped me.

    Now before i start let me just say i dont beleive in religion and i don’t beleive in the athiests views i have my own personal beleifs that i have just now discovered.

    I was at a party one night when i was confronted with an athiest we got to talking about my religion and as i joke i told him i was an “Agnostic Theist Athiest” and when he questioned me on this i told him i dont wholly beleive in a christian god and sometimes when the mood takes me i don’t beleive in a god at all. He asked me why and i could not answer him, he told me my problem was i had a lack of faith and i couldn’t see the truth, nothing happens after we die. I reject this idea, i personally am terrified of death but not because of nothingness after we die its something diffrent it’s the thought of this life as being pointless. If we were solely created to live then why not just give us some basic survival skills and send us out into the world, why ponder, why create. Art is meaningless to our existence why create it then? Love is meaningless, why love, we don’t need to love to mate so why? for awhile i have despaired at these questions as it makes my existence here meaningless, as it makes all of our’s pointless and i just can’t buy it. So i beleive that there is a god to some degree i beleive we were created theres just far too much evidence not to agree. Imagine nothingness, most people think of a terrible blackness but the truth is nothingness is much less than that and imagine that’s at one point all our universe was. What created the first thing? people theorise it was a “Big Bang” but then what created this big bang? again something cant just come from nothing, its impossible.

    Look at free will, conciousness, personality, spirituality. We are an inquisitive species by nature but why? what’s the point if there truly is nothing out there? i reject that notion whole heartidly, Ill never know if there is a creator but to me it makes sense. To me it gives some comfort.

    I really still am confused in what i beleive and being 22 i thought i was too young to really worry about it to the point i thought something was wrong with me. It is very comforting to see people even younger than me question there morality. Truly though don’t ever be scared of death, no one can ever say what happens after we die, science tells us nothing but science has been wrong before it’s based alot on beleif a narrow beleif that all we see is all we have. Look around your world and never be afraid to question what is and why it is. If we all sit around waiting on the inevitable then on our deathbed we will look back at this time as wasted, live it and love it and be sure to squeeze every single minute of pleasure out of our lives theres nothing wrong with being afraid, but don’t let that fear rule your life. I had so much more to say on this subject but i don’t want to get all preachy. Remeber though is all else fails just think of life as being in the doctors waiting room when your sure theres bad news to be told. You can sit around fidgiting and waiting for that door to open or you can kick back, open a magazine and enjoy the wait. Who knows maybe when it’s all said and done there will have been nothing to worry about the whole time.

    Also let me add here that i just wanted to say that you are an incredibly brave person, i would never have written about my fears as you did it took a helluva lot of courage.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    VeryConfused,

    Thank you for writing! And absolutely, I also believe there is much more than science to existence, and most likely, mankind will never ever be able to grasp the whole concept of existence.

  • Lauren says:

    You took the words that are at the heart of my fear and made them make sense. Thank goodness for you – because it makes me feel that I am not alone.

    You spoke my fears more eloquently than I have ever heard them. So know this; you are not alone.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Lauren,

    Thank you! It is very comforting that we are many people who share this fears, that we indeed aren't alone.

  • me says:

    from the day you're born to the day you die… you never had any control over your life. just live life to its fullest and do the right thing. if there's life on other words, i'm sure those with common sense would think the same exact thing.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    me,

    Most likely they do.

  • Hannah says:

    I can relate to you alot. For the past 6 months i have felt really down and depressed and over time it has become worse, all i can think about is death. I am so scared and i try not to think about in depth but sometimes i cant help it and when i do, it is so hard for me to get my head around. I cant understand how you can just die, I totally understood what you were feeling when you wrote: "Why am I afraid? I can’t even begin to fathom that my life will end, that my body will stop functioning and that all the thoughts, love and sorrows I bear with me will vanish. That I will cease to exist, and that I will be just gone." -this is exaclty what im constantly thinking about. I went to a church of england school and grew up around people with many different beliefs and i think it would be so nice if i could just believe!! becasue then it would give me some hope that life does go on after death but science stops me from doing this. I try and keep myself busy so that i dont think about it as much but i know its always at the back of my head and when i go to bed at night i also have dealth experiences. One time i dreamt that i had died and my soul had come out of my body and i was on the ceiling and i could just see my body drifting away and then i woke up sweating and crying and ran downstairs. I know that i need to make the most of my life and that is what im going to do but i wish i could just push these thoughts to the side and get on with everything but it is so hard. Im not really afraid of pain or how i die, im more afraid of the fact that basically i am just made up of energy and particals etc and once my body stops working, thats the end, i cant begin to understand.!! However it is compfrting to know that im not the only one with these feelings because sometimes i feel like nobody else understands. It feels like when i was younger i didnt know that you died and that someones just told me that its going to happen and im in shock. When in relaity i have known all along it just hasnt bothered me until now. I hope that we can all get through it knowing that everybody dies eventually and it is a natural accurance and maybe we do live on within our offspring :)

    Great post

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Hannah,

    Thanks for sharing!

    And I agree: I'm sure belief could comfort a lot of the worries, and at times i really wish I had that to make things feel better.

    Eventually, though, we just come come to terms with it. I hope.

  • Lucie says:

    First can i just say im really impressed that this thread has been continuing since 2006!

    I wanna get a little deep here, if no1 minds. Because im currently 36 weeks pregnant with my second child and during my pregnancy i have experienced the worst death anxiety i have ever experienced in my life. Before i had my son, who is now 6, death was something that happened to other people. I "knew" it was going to happen to me, i wasn't stupid but i could not concieve the reality of it. If that makes sense? I was young, i just wanted to hang out with my friends and talk about boys and get drunk and see who was wearing what at college etc. Then i became a mother and death wore a different face. It didn't haunt me, but some nights i would wake up in a sweat and the reality of it would hit me like a ton of bricks. This would happen periodically. But the past few months, it's been haunting me always. I was recently stuck in Portugal due to the Volcanic ash cloud which shut all UK airports and it really scared me. The flight home scared me. I fear that my life is futile. I sit in the pub with my friends having a good time and then all of a sudden i look around me and think "You're gna die…and you…and you over there…the bar maid's gna die…" The fact of the matter is. We ARE ALL going to die. And even though i dont want to i pray im a very old lady in my bed when i go. Asleep.

    I once read something that made me laugh. "dont take life too seriously. None of us are going to make it out alive."

    And where i do believe this is very true, I think the point to life will be revealed to us in the end. And if there is nothing but nothing…then the point to life will have been this…JUST LIVE.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Lucie,

    Thank you for writing!

    I think what you touch on is very important, and that all we can do, four ourselves, our children or other close ones, is just to live and make the best we can of it. At least that we can affect.

  • Don West says:

    A World War II vet told me of his story. His ship was sunk. He floated many hours alone before being rescued. He survived that only to have the next ship he was assigned to also be sunk and again spend many hours afloat alone prior to rescue. In both cases, comrades did not survive. He wondered if he would. This man was not an intellectual person. His conclusion from those days forward was "Every day is a gift." I believe he is correct.

    All we can do is use each day as best we can (and there are days when we simply can't) to do good in our individual worlds. Be good to people. Thank God for each day. Expect nothing in return. Accept that God exists and is with you. What harm is there in that? Is it not a good thing? Give your fears to God. That is all you can do, intellectual or not, to find peace.

    I have always been envious of those souls who upon pondering fears and deep questions, and not finding an answer, simply leave it in God's hands. An intellectual would deem this as ignorance perhaps. But is it not the essence of wisdom? It is a difficult thing to do, to acquire wisdom. Intellect and knowledge is not so hard to acquire by comparison eh? In fact intellect and knowledge seem to hinder wisdom in my observations, and induce fear about some things in this life.

    So maybe, for myself and for others, simply trusting God is the answer. It is faith. It has not much to do with church or religion. Those are but a social gathering place for believers and a complex set of rules by men (some of which are wise rules). Faith is about our individual conversations with God and Jesus if you chose to believe. And faith is what matters. Churches and religions can be destroyed and banned by outside forces. Faith resides in the individual however. In the mind. In the heart. And can only be abandoned or relied upon by the individual. Outside forces have no say in the matter. It is you and I who decide to have faith and give our fears and unanswered questions to God. The result is peace. Intellect will only get in the way as we humans do not possess the intellect to kill nagging fears about the unanswerable :-)

    My prayers are with all of you and I hope those who believe will likewise pray for me as I have the same fears and concerns. We are humans. We all ponder these things and fear them. It is the nature of mankind.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Don,

    Thank you for writing!

    I do agree that we just have to make what we can out of each day, and believing in some greater force; be it God or something else, can help you to get relief and make you relax a little more about your fears.

  • Matt says:

    I didn't bother looking at all the other comments, but I've had many of the same sentiments as you since I've been 5. I am 19 now, and have had what I consider a lot happen in my life. I don't want to give you false hope or despair because there is no definitive answer to the question of is there an afterlife. Enjoying the most out of the time we have now seems to be the best solution. Fear may be something you never get over until you can convince yourself one way or the other, whether there is an afterlife or not. (Interestingly enough, I don't believe in a religious God or I just believe in a loose definition of God, but I find more and more that there may be something beyond this realm and am a follower of pure physics.) Try to enjoy what you have and come to some closing. Pure uncertainty will make you more afraid.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Matt,

    Thanks for sharing!

    I completely agree that uncertainty is one of the most scary things.

  • Craig says:

    I have struggled with my fear of dying for many years. I was raised Catholic by extreme fanatical parents who had me convinced there was a heaven and a hell. I never really contemplated any other possibility until I lost my daughter and couldn't believe that a perfect infant child would be made to suffer and die the way she did. At that point I lost my faith and began to see my own mortality in a new light. The fear of impending nothingness is very overwhelming and very scary to deal with. I don't go to church and I don't believe in any particular religion, but recently I have found myself thinking more about life and beyond. There are times when the thought of ceasing to exist terrifies me, but I am also beginning to see that endless life on this planet would be equally horrifying. I do find comfort in reading other peoples thoughts on dying and there is a part of me that refuses to believe death is the final act. Maybe it's just a blind hope I cling to now, but I believe most people who have experienced NDE's are telling us the truth….and even if it is some chemical reaction in the brain to help ease our passing, then so be it….I will take it. Also, knowing that I will die gives me the freedom to make the most of what time I have. While I am here I plan to love my wife and daughter with everything I have and try to be a good person despite my many flaws. I think we tend to get caught up in what we are going to lose rather than what we have to offer. Enjoy your life and when your time comes…hopefully you can look back on what you have accomplished…..and if there is an afterlife waiting for you….consider it a bonus on top of a life well spent !

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Craig,

    I am so very sorry to hear about your loss.

    In regards to your opinions, I couldn't agree more. Do what you can, love the people close to you and just try to live life to fullest, because that is something you can actually affect.

  • ali says:

    I know how you feel, i have felt this way since i could understand the concept of death. No body understands, they think i should live for today and enjoy what i have but i could never imagine not seeing my loved ones again, never seeing a beautiful sunset,never hearing an uplifting piece of music etc. they think i am mad……………I think they are for not even considering it!

    You are not alone

    xx

  • Zaibii says:

    Hi,

    I just google'd why are people scared of dying and I found this really understanding and comforting article with all these grea point of views and comments… yours!

    I'm just and eighteen year old half Spanish, half Pakistani girl whose lately been randomly thinking quite a lot about what happens after death and where will I be?? Of course no one has the answer to that question and yet we all say things to reassure ourselves or calm ourselves down about death.. The anxiety is killing! yes, it is.

    I'm not sure what is it that scares but I have a feeling its the fact of being so alone buried underground and being bitten maybe by whatever is around and feeling every bit of it.. I know sounds a bit bizarre, well, completely really but its sometimes that and sometimes its just being somewhere (don't know where), alone (again alone) with not a face to recognize or not see one at all…

    Or maybe just wanting to know where I'd be going…

    (Its like a one-way non-refundable plane ticket that you can't do much about…

    I don`t know yet about leaving a whole legacy or anything of the sort behind, hey, I`m only eighteen and just got into university studying biomedical sciences, wanting and hoping to become a child specialist one day and doing my share of work but i don`t know if anything I do or try is good enough for anything there is (like after death etc )…

    Half the things I said, I`m not sure if any of it makes sense but a lot of the comments here were very calming about how everyone deals with this fear of dying which we naturally all have to do..

    @ Ali : I can't stand the thought of not being able to be or see or talk or anything of the sort with all the people I care about and share all these lovely a million and one moments with…

    But yes, clearly I`m so afraid of dying… maybe for all the wrong reasons… just maybe!

    Zaibii – xoxo

  • Zaibii says:

    sorry about all the spelling errors! Got kinda carried away and didn't really double check –

    Zaibii xoxo

  • Annie says:

    Please go to youtube and watch the documentary "The Boy Who Lived Before". I'd really like to know what you all think about this little boy. I would like to learn your thoughts. Thanks!!!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    ali,

    Thanks for writing.

    Luckily, though, everyone here understands you and your thoughts.

    Zaibii,

    Thanks for sharing.

    Everything you write makes sense to me at least! And really, don't worry about spelling. :-)

    Annie,

    I didn't see the whole thing, but read about it. It's impossible to say, but could such things actually happen? Maybe – there are many many things we don't know/understand about our world.

  • Ben says:

    Hi, I'm Ben, 16, and I have started thinking about death quite a bit lately. I think I had an existential crisis – and I think looking that term up might comfort a lot of you :)

    The conclusions that I have come to are that life has to be finite. If it were infinite, there would be no need for emotion, meaning or any kind of action. I consider finite life to be a blessing, not a problem – which makes our emotional attachments more poignant and all the stronger. I see no need to rush ahead to death as it will not come until it comes – and we won't even notice it. As Greek philosopher Epicurus said: "Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist."

    As further consolation, as one psychologist put it: "Death awareness is the price we pay for self awareness." No other species is self-aware in the way we are; I consider that a blessing too. With self awareness comes at least some degree of free will – it is how a man or woman responds to death which matters.

    As for leaving a legacy, it must be bore in mind that no legacy will last forever. Somehow, it will be erased – but if we can leave behind a legacy that is useful to future generations in some way it is surely a worthwile thing to do. I see meaning in future scientific discoveries and space travel – we forget we all live on only one little planet and that we have barely begun to discover the wonders of the universe.

    It might sound silly, but my own quote on this subject is "Forced to be, forced to live, forced to die." Since we must live and die, let us view our existence as a gift and use our precious time wisely.

    I firmly do not believe in life after death but look up how consciousness is formed, and about the id, ego and super-ego. I find the explanation of our consciousness very interesting and consoling because it reveals what 'I' truly means.

    Thanks for reading – now don't die before death. Go and live!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Ben,

    Thanks for your comment!

    Some very good and interesting thoughts there.

    And I completely agree about not dying before death!

  • George says:

    I wrote in this blog 4 years ago, April 2006. I warned people of things to come in the world. We have arrived. Undeniable. The word seems to be in a spiral downward that will not relent. That is exactly where we are heading, the proofs are everywhere if one is not too blind to see.

    Wake up people. There is no death. Death of the body, yes. No cessation of life. If you want to accept it or not, the reality of eternal life after death will be exactly what we all will face.

    There cannot be many truths. Only one. Competing religions are abundant, some with millions of followers, several with a billion plus and thousands of small sects world wide. But, only one can be right.

    Jesus Christ told the woman at the well, "You worship, but you know not what, because salvation is of the Jews." Period.

    Islam, need I say more. The goal of the world will be to destroy Israel. The world? Yes, the entire world including the good ole USA.

    Israel, the nation who God has chosen to show the world that He is a covenant God. The history of Israel is set, just as their future. The Jews were set apart by God to bring forth Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ came to die, right on time as prophesied. He died for all, past, present and future.

    Wisdom has been poured out on mankind in this last generation. If not, throw the Bible away. If man does not have the ability to destroy himself, toss it. If Israel is not back in her land, burn it. If Islam is not after the land of Israel and the entire world pressuring Israel for peace, noting in the Bible is true. No China, Russia, the EU blow it off. The world is not heading for electronic money, the Bible is false.

    Sin, self explanatory. The Bible states, "For all have sinned and come short of the Glory of God. The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ, our Lord."

    "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes on Him shall not perish, but have eternal life."

    What does this have to do with being afraid of death? It removes it.

    The Bible states that death is an enemy, not to be taken lightly, to be highly considered. The Bible states that a wise man contemplates his death. Not suicide, but his ultimate appointment. A man can take his own life because of many reasons, not a wise choice.

    In the last book of the Bible, Revelation, Jesus Christ is presented in his Glory, not this meek and mild, rolled over to the Romans and the leaders of the Jews. He came to die. He did. He rose from the dead because death had no hold on Him. Nor will it on you. If you die, you will be raised from the dead. Some to eternal life with God, most to eternal separation from God. The key is Jesus Christ, faith in what he did for us, taking the penalty that has been recorded, nailed it to the cross, once and for all. Done. The penalty before God paid in full. From Adam to the last person who will be born on this planet. "It is finished,' Jesus shouted from the cross. What was finished.

    Redemption for mankind. "If you say you have no sin, you call God a liar, and the truth is not in you," states the Bible.

    "There is no other name under heaven whereby you must be saved, at the name of Jesus Christ every knee shall bow, every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the Glory of God, the Father."

    Truth or not. You choose. Read the Gospel of John, you will never be the same. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness," states the Bible.

    God only has one way to forgive sin, faith in the Blood of Jesus Christ shed for you. Animal sacrifice before the cross, the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus Christ 2,000 years ago. Just as effective now as then. God is eternal, so are you.

    The Bible states, "Death, where is your sting, where is your victory?" If you have, or will come to Jesus Christ, ask for forgiveness, you will be saved. You have God's word on it!!!

  • George says:

    God had built in a fear of death into all mankind. But, he also gave the answer.

    The Bible is the address of one man, Jesus Christ. From Genesis to Revelation, one man, The God/Man, Jesus Christ.

    Mohamed says he was given a new message, okay, how's that one worked out for the world. Mormons, they have Joseph Smith with his new message, really? Hindu, atheists, Buddha the list is endless. The Jews not accepting Jesus Christ as Messiah, tragic.

    The world seems so sophisticated, smart. Yeah, you really think so?

    It is all a delusion, man has nothing that has not been given him by sources outside himself. Period.

    The Bible asks the question, "What does man have that has not been given him?" Answer? Nothing. Wisdom is not from man. Wisdom is from God, which God? The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. The God who stepped into time and space, created by Him, died a death that we may never fully understand. All we can do is look at the claims, say yes I believe, or no, this is insanity.

    Your choice. The Bible is one third prophecy for a very good reason.

    God wants you to know the truth of forgiveness through Jesus Christ alone. No other way. Afraid of death, without Jesus Christ as your sin covering, you should be very afraid, you have every right to be afraid. Israel is God's time clock. Midnight is closer than you know. Fear, yes. Selling God and his salvation through fear is better than not accepting the salvation offered you. Better to come by the Love of God, as in John 3:16, but by fear if need be.

    The Bible actually states, "Some save through love, some by fear."

    "The fear of the Lord in the beginning of wisdom. The fool has said in his heart there is no God. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hand of the living God," states God's word.

    Choose wisely, my friend.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    George,

    I would really prefer if we left this space free of religious discussions. If one can say that they got comfort through their religious beliefs, absolutely, but not to discuss or say negative things about various religions.

    The idea here is to offer people a place to ventilate their feelings, and for each and everyone to discuss how they feel and deal with it. Please respect that.

  • Quote:"#5Martin Nyman April 22nd, 2006 at 19:05

    Some time ago, a man stopped me in the street wanting to ask me some questions about my belief. “Shoot”, I said, and the man started asking me questions.

    Christian Guy: “Are you comfortable with you beliefs?”

    “Very”

    CG: “What do you believe in?”

    “Not much, love maybe”

    CG: “So, you don’t believe in God?”

    “No”

    CG: “I hate to tell you this, but you might get hit by a car and get killed any second, and if that happens, and you don’t believe in God, you will go to hell.”

    “Thanks for telling me, have a good day now”

    WTF, that guy just tried to threaten me into beliving in his perception of a higher power. That’s not a religion that I want to be a part of.

    I don’t know why I just wrote this here, but it kind of felt as if it related to the topic somehow. And if it didn’t, maybe I managed to put a smile on your lips and take your mind off thinking about your mortality for a second!"

    Umm, Martin let me tell you a story.

    There was an atheist teacher, and one of her students was a really good "muslim"(muslim is a word in islamic religion witch means "a person who believes god, or shortly a believer") and the teacher thought the student was wrong so she was giving him extra homework and detentions just to make his school days worse.

    So the student goes back home early cause he gets kicked of class and his father asks him what happened and he explains.

    The student goes back to school two days after and his teacher starts asking him what happened for not showing up, he says: "I was hit by a buss without a driver in it"

    And the teacher says: "Are you playing games with me? A buss can not drive itself without a driver."

    Student: "Very well, if a buss can not drive itself without a driver how come earth can move without a driver?"

    I hope you get the point, i know that it's the gravity. I read and watched a lot of science programs, but still "The only thing i know is that i don't know anything"(Citation needed-Aristocrat) Cause there is a lot of things to be learned. And Einstein said: "Universe is too perfect to be created by a coincidence like big bang" I'm not trying to scare you but there is a life after this life in witch we will be judged, were some of us (depending on the things they've done) will go to heaven, some to hell. And not believing god means going to hell. Killing an innocent human means going to hell. Etc.

  • Joe says:

    im 18 years old man, and ive been having these fears for the past 7 years of my life, it will hit me in waves, at least once a year and last for a good week of just The most real and nerve whacking fear i have ever experienced. Death is the only thing capable of giving me anxiety attacks, it seriously makes me feel like an empty shadow. It also motivates me to get my ass in gear. But i wish i could get rid of the fear of not existing, it angers me and terrifies me.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Joe,

    Thanks for writing! I agree, what we can do is try to suppress the pain.

  • William says:

    I understand your grieve man,…. I am 19 and I have been thinking about this the past days. I can feel the pressure of fear rise to my chest, and then to my head every time I think about this. There was a point where I really felt extremely weak thinking so much about this. I felt my stomach coil up, and my heart pounding relentlessly. You know, sometimes I wish I had no conscious. Wish I never knew we died. I wonder if i will remain conscious after death. Will it just be nothing? Or is there really a hell and heaven. Is it just a fairy tell to make people feel better about life?? Don't know. I just wish my death is spontaneous and quick so i will not have to think about it when I'm dying. The only thing I could imagine worst is my brother dying before me. Were are so close. It's a very unique connection and very strong. And when he dies,… what will happen 2 him?? Ill keep wondering with this grieve pain with the rest of my life where could he be? He was here, now he is not. Sometime I think these thoughts overrun me. O man,…. anyways, everyone will expirience death one time. Nobody lives forever. So ill just welcome it when it comes. Like everyone else did in the past. People whom we don't ever knew, but existed. Same will happen 2 us.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    William,

    Yes, all those thoughts are very hard to know how to handle. But take joy in your great relationship and enjoy life as much as you can!

  • David Chan says:

    for those who have satiated these fears with religion, stop reading. but for those who ask for more, please tell me that i'm not alone? here we go: if everyone has this fear (of death)–this tight uncertainty–how can we justify bringing life into this mess? i mean, how can we hand out death thinking we can pay for it by giving the "miracle" of birth? i'm not trying to be cynical, but it may sound like that if your ears are atuned that way :) i'm selfish. i would like to give a whole-hearted apology for that statement, but i would only be fooling myself–i'm selfish, because when i do close my eyes for the last time, the world ends. the world as i know it ENDS. i tried to lose myself in religion, but the science overwhelms. how can i believe in a guy sitting on a cloud (whatever the cloud is conceived to be), who desperately needs us to have faith in his existence if he is truly that "omnipotent"? if all this is in the "plan", i fear that this is all for naught; that we existing is tantamount to the existence of an ant we unknowingly stepped on: tragic, yet negligible. my belief is this: i can't be the only person in the world who has had these thoughts, so how have we gone on? how has life still gone on with this super-unknown? how have people still given birth with this uncertainty? status quo? ambivalence? progeny? i don't know the answer but i can try to guess: because it may be "a crooked game, but it's the only game in town." (neverwhere-neil gaimen)? i subscribe to the idea that this statement is the most truest of all. we may not like it, but we're already here–so i guess we have to play the game. doesn't anyone else feel trapped? utterly helpless? like we're just a bunch of rats being let loose in a maze that isn't designed for us to win?

  • Tammy says:

    I am so glad I found your site, I am 37 years old and have had the fear of dying since age 18, I sometimes lie in bed not even thinking of dying and it just pops in my head. the fear of non existence, gone forever. I have such a big panic attack that i dont know whether to scream or cry, I feel just a big emptiness inside. this usually last only a couple of minutes but seems like an eternity. I am thankful my husband is usually lying beside me. if I hold on to him it seems to go away.

    I am so afraid of dying my biggest fear not seeing my children grow up, seeing all my loved ones.

    When my grandfather passed away strange things would happen like door bells ringing on special occasions like his bday.

    And even with all this happening I am still afraid. and it hits me like a tons of bricks again again of not ever existing feeling of being nothing. I got some comfort from other ppls posts and i will continue to read comments often, in hopes that some day I can live my life without fear. Thank you

  • Maddy says:

    I have the same problem I am only 14 and sit in bed wondering if theirs a god. And will it really be like sleeping for eternity I need help. Someone help

  • Robert Nyman says:

    David,

    Regarding children, while life as far as we know it ends, it it is a wonderful thing to go through. And bringing children to this world is giving them the gift of getting to experience this, as I see it.

    However, I do recognize your feelings of despair and feeling helpless, and it’s a very hard thing to handle.

    Tammy,

    Thank you for writing.
    It is very hard to learn to live with it, but my only advice is to try and look past the fear and instead see and enjoy all the wonderful things we have around us.

    Maddy,

    If you feel that strongly, you should really take to the loved ones around you and perhaps also a psychologist or similar.

  • Alec Maynard says:

    The Ultimate Question
    —————————–

    As I sit here, tears run and pool on my cheeks which burned from the salt. My existence is hopeless. Life makes no sense. What was the point in existing if all is certain to be lost, every thought, every feeling, every one that I have ever met is doomed to be lost from the plains of known existence for as long as eternity extends utterly alone and completely unaware. Do we live on forever? When we die do we ascend to a level of consciousness that is incomprehensible? Do we dissolve into the mechanics of the universe and live on eternally with it without thought or feeling, after all it is scientifically proven that energy never diminishes or disappears but transfers and transforms into a different kind of energy. If all life begins and ends then where does it stop? Surely this implies that it occurs on a larger scale also, doesn’t it? If the universe began, where does it end? What created it? As with the universe the concept of god is similar. The idea of a being, of a something whatever it maybe, a higher power, implies that it has a beginning, where did it start and when does it end? What created it? Or is it living in an eternity as well, which also can be construed as a hell. Never ending, do we want our god(s) to suffer in such a way? If something cannot end then it cannot have began as nothing that is made can last eternally. Is the universe simply just a case of relativity? Do we live in a world that is built to our understanding that we cannot possibly fathom beyond? If you were to raise a colony of ants you would be their god. You have given them a universe that is relative to their size and understanding. You provide them with food, you can choose to destroy them at any moment, you hold their existence in your hands and can take it away at a whim. This could be the same for us, merely dwelling on the collection of atoms in a macro-verse. Perhaps the nature of the universe is circular. A fragment of time as we understand it whirling on the spot for all time or even an infinite number of everlasting fractions of time repeating eternally and our lives are merely a reflection that skips from one to the next until it reaches the ‘end’ and begins again. Our births could therefore be our death as well and we are prisoners of infinity. Maybe we are immortal and all live forever amongst an infinity number of parallel universes, a multi-verse, where every single possible probability is played out, infinite me’s and infinite you’s existing simultaneously and our conscious merely skips along the line of life. If you shoot your self you die and all your friends see you die but your consciousness continues existing in another dimension oblivious to the infinite deaths before it. I don’t know, maybe life is all a dream and once we die we wake up in another dream. Do we live inside an artificial state to keep us prisoner whilst we are harvested for fuel? We could be reborn as another creature, oblivious to our previous lives. Or maybe we do go to an afterlife. An existence that reflects the choices we made in life but then are we really significant enough in the grand scheme to really be judged? Do we judge the microscopic bacteria that house themselves on our bodies on an individual basis? No, we don’t because they are just too small and too insignificant to even be noticeable. With this in mind, living in a universe that, no matter how much we would like to believe is, isn’t centred round us can we really be sorted into higher plains through good or bad? What about Beforelife? Maybe our spirits continue in some form, achieving freedom. What is freedom though? Freedom itself is a flawed concept as it implies that we can ultimately escape and ascend. No matter what happens in life, the conditions we live in, even if it is a utopian society, we are still slaves to our carnal needs, we are slaves to our mortality or is mortality the ultimate freedom and in life we are trapped? Again its all relative to our personal understanding of freedom. Can souls exist, how can a soul be trapped in a body? Surely if we had individual soul there would be cases of people waking up in others bodies? Why should death be the only release to a force that isn’t answerable to death? Are we really nothing and alone forever? People die around us all the time yet we continue, we are only left with memories and evidence of their lives, we can see their graves, see them rot. We know that before us came an entire history that involved millions that have all had their time and passed on so why is anyone significant, why is my time this time? Time itself is only a human measure that the universe doesn’t conform to so what possibilities are there? Why do I have a conscious, why do I wake up every day in the same body, continued from the day before. Why is sleep only a fraction and forever at once? Is that what death is? No waking up with the realisation of elapsed time? Why do some of us die straight away, most of us die in between and few live to the very maximum our bodies will allow. What justifies the time we get to have?

    If you hadn’t noticed all of these are questions and theories, scientific, philosophical and ecclesiastical. None of these are facts and essentially none of these are answers. The truth is that there is no answer to the ultimate question, we can spend our entire existence, whatever that may be, trying to find an answer. We can choose a faith or theory that makes sense to us, that provides us with comfort but in reality we can never really know the answer no matter how sure or indeed unsure we are.

    All this said I am still sat her, I still panic at the notion of demise, that I haven’t made the best of life. Out of the billions of us alive today how can none of you know the answer? Why can’t I give it to all of you? I don’t want to be without love. I don’t want to lie alone, for all eternity.

    Alec Maynard

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Alec,

    Thank you very much for writing. Those questions are all the ones people go through, most likely in vain trying to find the answers.

    I think we need to try to learn to live, to enjoy the time we have here, and not dwell about the questions since we can most likely never solve them.

    I sincerely wish you, and everyone else, will be able to enjoy their lives.

  • Alexandra Owen says:

    I’m sure no one is going to read this but I need to write it down..

    Recently and more so last night, I was lying in bed thinking about dying. The moment before death. Just lying there, like I was, all the thoughts in my head, the things I was looking at. One day I could be doing exactly this, thinking “when I close my eyes, I’m never going to wake up” I felt I was living in that exact moment and I sat straight up panicking. Felt utmost anxiety and panic. I ended up crying from feeling so frightened. It’s one of those things that you push to the back of your mind, such as cancer that you think “it wont happen to me”. But for all I know I could have cancer in a year and I could literally be lying there thinking to myself that this is it.. all my thoughts, memories, emotions.. it’s all going to be gone.

    I’ve had such difficulty to push it to the back of my mind now so all day today I just keep getting this feeling of panic. I guess one thing has come from it, I am going to enjoy every day as best as I can! I hate my job at the moment and I’m only 24. Myself and my partner are looking to move to aus next year so I’m going to go over there and find a job I enjoy and do something everyday I enjoy doing. I can’t bare the thought that I might be lying there dying and not feel like I’ve lived my life.

    I just hope this feel of panic will go soon though!

    Anyways I just felt I needed to write it down because it’s the only way I can get rid of my horrible thoughts in my head haha.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Alexandra,

    Thanks for writing! I can definitely relate to those feelings you mention, and I have been there too.

    I hope writing it down and sharing, and trying to make the most out of your life really helps!

  • Jaz says:

    I really hate these feelings. It does feel like a wave attack. Everytime I go lay down to sleep,it always comes at me thinking someday it’s gonna happen. To me I think it is depressing in a way. I always try to keep my head wih positive thoughts but it only makes it worse.I have a catholic family but it just comes qt me thinking about life and all it’s happennings and a bunch of questions of ‘why’
    I have experienced this fear not very long ago but maybe 4 months ago,and it’s not only about me dying,it is also about my family and sometimes I cry because it just seems so sad. I mostly agree with the people above. I’m not quite sure why but I’m pretty young (I guess) to be thinking about this in my age…so…young) I’m only 12..and I have been searching the web for people that are also like me and agreeing. My family say it’s a way of life and all,I don’t fully understand though. Well really nice post(: and I really like how other people share their feelings that i can compare to mine.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Jaz,

    Thank you for sharing!
    I think this fear is a part of life, and that most people go through it, some more than others.

    All we can do is learn to live with it, to sometimes let us think about but not consume us entirely. Focus on the good things, on the loved ones in your life and do all that you can to enjoy your life.

  • DaganJ says:

    after reading this post and some comments… I think I need a long walk with my dog. Peace and love everybody, keep faith, keep positive, always keep true to yourself.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    DaganJ,

    Thanks, and same to you.

  • daniel sciple says:

    i wish i could go back to when i was young to fix all the mistakes i made with my parents my life is im lossing my mind as i speak if i loose anybody i will not beable to handle the thought of nothing that after you die there is nothing i cant think about it my little brother is trapped in a world of happieness and i dont want that to end i want him to be happy as as long as he can before he has to see the truth of the world my sister is deperessed a smoke r and a drinker i cantdo anything to fi her life i want to but nothing i do matters we will all die oneday nevere to see what we will become im scared i cant loose my mom or dad i do not know how to live without her being their and my brother i cant loose himhe cant loose my mom or his dad i dont know what to do

  • daniel sciple says:

    Do you remember when you were children and you loved playing with your toys and wactching those movies playin with parents and freinds not a care in the world we didnt think about death i wish i could go back to when i beleived in god when i was happy when i loved evreything im filled with this this fear its not a fear its a consumption of my mind tomorow is the same day as today soon i shall run out of tomorrows and that is it? it doesnt nothing makes why? why? what is life

  • Liviu says:

    what stops you to believe in God as you were a child ?

    I don’t have this fear anymore but my daughter has and I’m currently looking for a way to help her. This fear of death is omnipresent for many people as I could see.
    I liked very much what it was said “I can’t even begin to fathom that my life will end”…”love and sorrows I bear with me will vanish”.
    So, is the mind (ego), which is not accepting it’s own death and this is normal. The stronger the ego the stronger fear we get cause this is the ego’s business.
    However, it is not necessary to die in order to get rid of our ego. Once we realize that what is dieing is not us but our egos, we begin to escape. And this is only the beginning of our discovery.

    All the best for you.

    Cheers,
    Liviu

  • Robert Nyman says:

    daniel,

    Thanks for writing. What is is life is indeed a very good question.

    Liviu,

    Thanks for sharing! All the best to you too!

  • Coyla says:

    It just hits me, I dont know how to deal with the fact that one day, no matter what I do, I wont exist and neither will the ones I love.

    Im so afraid of death its taking over my life. Night times are worse but now it keeps hitting me throughout the day.

    Im not afraid of how I will die, just the fact that I dont know what comes after, if anything and if its nothing thats really really sad.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Coyla,

    Thanks for writing.
    Not sure if it is any comfort, but try and focus on other things – suppress those thoughts and instead think about things that make you happy.

  • Lorinda Grimshaw Dakka says:

    Hi Robert,
    My best advice is to ask God to please show you the truth. Ask God with all your heart and soul to show you if He exists and who He is and what He requires from you. The answer may take years to come to you, but keep on trying with sincerity. This is how I got the truth which is of course the answer that I needed.

    Kind Regards,
    Lorinda

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Lorinda,

    Thanks for writing. Unfortunately, it’s not really in line with my beliefs, thank you for the suggestion!

  • Danielle says:

    Well I was in bed last night and that familiar ‘wave’ came over me again and for the first time I simply googled ‘I’m scared of dying’ a few pages later and I stumbled across this page. I was reading for about 3 hours but will admit I skipped the last 2 years!!

    I too was wondering about things as a child. I was very aware of my parents mortality as my dad is much older than my mum. Thankfully I had older relatives to pre-occupy my thoughts too, I had 4 Great Grandparents alive then, all have now since passed away. I set out an order which basically went descending numerically of who would pass away first in my family, so far the order has been correct (even down to my dog!).
    We are now in a void as I didnt know who would die around this time (my dad is older than my maternal grandparents) so if I went numerically my dad would be next, but shouldnt my grandparents go first? But who am I to say they should? My dad is now 69, he is the last surviving member of his family, his older brother (age 79) died recently. My grandparents are in their early 60s and have lots of brothers/sisters still surviving.
    I think really it will be my father next and that is heartbreaking isnt it?! I tell him everytime I speak to him on the phone that I love him at the end of the call, and I always give him a little kiss goodbye when I see him, I’m so afraid if its the last time I speak to him I want to know I’ve told him how much I love him but he’s fit as a fiddle! Why am I so obsessed with this ‘order’?

    I think right now I’m agnostic, which means unsure doesnt it? I have liked too believe that whatever we believe in will be our own ‘Heaven’ but it frightens me that my dad is completely atheist, he believes we are like computers, when we die, we ‘switch off’ and thats it, truely terrifying in my eyes (Yes I think my dad thinking like this has given me my phobia of death but I dont blame him, he calls a spade a spade!)
    Will my belief that what we believe in comes true mean that my dad will not be on the ‘other side’ wherever it may be??

    I could go into all the questions that have filled my thoughts but I think during the course of this page all of them are on here! I read so many of peoples thoughts last night which was truely special, I took comfort in that I am certainly not alone in my thoughts of the unknown or in my fears. So thank you Robert for putting your thoughts down first, I wonder how are you doing now 4 years later? Your answers to people seemed to get more optimistic then went down again at some points, have you noticed any patterns? I think the winter and nights are definitely a trigger for many people who feel this way.
    I will pop by again soon :-)
    PS Happy New Year 2011 – didnt that come quick?!!

  • Danielle says:

    Sorry, back again, I have been readin more recent posts now! Alec above said this: Out of the billions of us alive today how can none of you know the answer?
    I have thought the very same, I have wanted to run screaming and telling everyone and I stop and wonder, why are some people afraid and some aren’t? Why, when I tell some people my fears do they NOT look at me and say ‘Oh my God, you are right!’ Some say ‘Well theres not much we can do about it is there?’ I wanna scream ‘WHY DOESNT THAT TERRIFY YOU?’ (Although I did infect 1 person with the same fears once) but why isnt EVERYONE afraid like we are? Do they not see how big the ‘nothingness’ is that we see when that wave comes over you?

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Danielle,

    Thanks for writing!
    I think for me that I avoid trying to bring the fear to other people. If they want to talk about it I can raise some awareness, but most of the time , people who aren’t afraid seem to be better of not being pushed into that kind of thinking,

    Also, funny that you mention the tone/mood in my comments! I was thinking about that the other day, that my replies really do vary over time. :-)

    And Happy New Year!

  • Marie says:

    I can understand how you feel. Death is always in the back of my mind. I don’t allow it to become as “real” as you though. I am a Christian and, have experienced the presence of the Lord but, soon afterwards the fear came back. I am trying so hard to get to “know” God all over again, only to end up almost beating my head against the wall. I ask, I never said I wanted to be here on earth. I should have had a choice.

    My childhood was one of fear, and, little knowledge of love. I think that is where the problem started but, still it is no resolve for me. Now, am reading the bible, I mean I am determined (again) to find God so I will find peace in the latter part of my life.

    But if God is real, He is keeping me in his care. I am too afraid to wander off onto another path. As He said He is the truth and the life, and, I am not going to take any chances, as God has already shown me in so many ways he is real.

    I can only sign off with God bless you,

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Marie,

    Thanks for sharing.
    I understand your sentiments, and do whatever feels right for you and is a comfort/path to take!

  • -T- says:

    I am a depressed girl who hates life. For a person, who doesn’t know me, it seems like i have no problems. But in my mind, i am dying. I HATE MY LIFE. having no choice is killing me already. I mean, you know, your spirit will stay in same body which you have now. You have nothing to change that. You can’t choose not to live or not to die. There is no other choices. You live or you die. There is no other way of to be exist. I said, i hate life. It doesn’t mean that i want to DIE. To understand me is impossible, even i can’t figure out what exactly i think.
    The only thing i know is, I am TOO SCARED TO DIE. I am so afraid of the thought of death. I mean, no one knows what will happen after we die. (don’t include religion for a sec.) I believe that when i die, everything will be over. There will be no more “who am i?” questions. i will be dead when i die. This may sound stupid to most of you. I will disappear. I will not exist. I don’t want that. I am too scared. There is no way for me to escape. The thing makes me feel so depressed. I am stuck. I don’t wanna live, I don’t wanna die. So, what now? Am I going to wait, doing nothing?… And the sad thing is, most of you might think that i am scared because i am near to death, i am old, or something like that. NO, i am actually young and haven’t met anyone who feels in the same way, at the same age, in my life. I wish i could share my thoughts, but everyone around me seems to have no fears like me. I HATE IT TOO. only thing i have to do is, go and pretend like i am just like others, and put a fake smile on my face then laugh at stupid things, just to show how phony i am just like the others. Yeah, i am hateful but not all the time, anyway..

    P.S: For the ones who don’t understand me, just forget about it. I don’t blame you.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    -T-,

    Thank you for writing.
    I’m sorry to hear that you feel that way, I really am. I just wanted to say that I sincerely hope you will find meaning with life and that it will be good for you.

  • PJ says:

    Hello Robert, All. I understand your fear, I share the same feelings as you. I think I have always had this in the back of my mind since I was small. I’m at the age now (41) where I feel that there is something inherently wrong with the world, although I cannot articulate this in any meaningful way. I ‘feel’ that there has to be more to life than what we have, but again, cannot define what ‘more’ is, or should be.
    My greatest fear now is knowing that my children will, one day, also die. This causes me a great deal of sorrow and fear that they may have a painful or tragic death, that I’m not there for them, and whatever comes after death may harm them in some way. I realize this sounds incredibly morose, but these are my thoughts. I wish I had answers, proof, anything that gives assurance that what we are and have been has been worthwhile and not just ‘an inevitable process’. Humanity is not an inevitable process, is it? If it is, why should I ‘just accept it’?
    I am healthy, generally happy, successful in my career and have a nice house, very nice cars, holidays etc yet all of this is just ‘stuff’ – insignificant. I cannot find the meaning of why we’re all here, and what happens when you die. This is the important stuff. Every theory is “I think that….”
    Still, as one of the posts says, ‘if you’re alive, you’re not dead and if your dead, then you wont know it’ – made me laugh.
    I wish you well and hope that you get some comfort and peace that is right for you. You are not alone. Thank you for this post.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    PJ,

    Thanks for writing.

    As a parent too, I can totally relate about one’s children. It’s just the feeling of being helpless, and desperately seeking for some confirmation, some information that things will be ok.

    Life might be an inevitable process, which is indeed really hard to accept. However, I think all we can do is focus on doing the best can with the time we have here.

  • angii says:

    I fear death, I fear the dying process and the anguish it leaves behind. i fear for my son’s that i will be taken away when they are young-that they will never know how much i truly love them and cherish them. They won’t remember me, my scent, my laughter. I fear my husband won’t keep my memory alive for them. I worry that they will cry for me and have no one to turn to over the years.
    This sounds ridiculous as i am only 30 and quite healthy, i wonder if im a little crazy even thinking of this, or is it just part of being a mother?
    This fear was properly instilled after I watched my mother-in-law in her final moments when she lost her 2 year battle with cancer. watching her in those final moments was heartbreaking, in those moments i lost any little faith i had. I know no-one deserves death but she was perfect to the core and didn’t deserve the pain she went through.
    Its not even been a year but i cry for her everyday. I know she ‘technically’ wont miss things herself but im saddened by all the things she will miss-she will never meet her grandson , she wont be there at Christmas and when we argue over me wanting to take my shoes off in the house and she wont let me!
    I don’t know where im going with this but i guess i just needed to tell someone, my family would think im being overly morbid if i said this to them!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    angii,

    Thanks for writing.
    As a parent too, I can totally relate to all the things you say. I also lost my father to cancer before my daughters were born, so he never got to meet them either.

    I think all I can say is to love your children, treat them as good as you can and together with them, try and cherish the memory of people who have passed.

  • Nadia 29 says:

    Well, what do you know I am on the same boat! I’ve been living with this fear of death since I was a kid, but the symptoms progressed into something much worse about 4 years ago when I lost someone very close to me. And even to this day I can get the most sickening feeling in my stomach whenever I think about death, start crying, feel like I can’t breathe, can’t function and just hate living altogether when I’m experiencing these types of feelings.

    So for the past 4 years I decided to take action against this thing that I felt was eating away at me, and read anything I could get my hands on as it related to religion, atheism, philosophy, science…anything to give me a better picture about death, probability of an afterlife, whether we really have souls, etc. So I have immersed myself in this reading (I have read a little over 70 books from reputable authors, some which aren’t the most easy read by any means) and I have to say out of all the great things I have been able to accomplish in my 29 years here on earth , the fact that I have come so far in this research is the thing I am most proud of.

    So I have come a long way. 3 to 4 years ago, I was a person who could hardly work due to my obsession with this subject matter and finding a solution. I forced myself to work in an extremely demanding job even though I could not be fully present due to by haunting thoughts…and after work I would shut myself out from the world, reading anything and everything I could get my hands on. Being a cynic, an atheist my whole life…believe me, it was not easy and it’s still not easy overcoming my fears. But with every new complex bit of information that I learn..for the most part it ends up solidifying the thinking that my rational brain has told me to reject my entire life: that every person really does have a soul, it truly does survive death, and eternity is not just wishful thinking.

    I have done the research. And this is only the beginning for me..in fact, I feel this is my only purpose in life, to seek truth. I plan to study this until the day I die. I have a lot more reading to do and long way to go but I do want to say one thing to everyone here: I would not put all my faith into whatever your brain is telling you about God, death, etc. Heck, even after all my readings, I don’t even trust the conclusions I arrive at, only because I don’t think my brain is capable of coming to the types of conclusions that men like Aristotle, Thomas Aquinas, Agustine, C.S. Lewis, Adler have come to. These are people who have spent their entire lives pondering all these questions we are asking..and I’m not saying to trust their works and beliefs because they dedicated their life to this subject, but also just because of their sheer mental capacity. If you think you are the only one asking the question and trying to answer it, believe me these men have done that and more. Their works would make your head spin. Did you know both Aquinas “proved” the existence of God? I challenge you to read his arguments.

    These men have proven that God is real, souls are real and eternity is real. But on the other hand you have other great thinkers like Darwin, Hawking and Einstein who are all well-known atheists. However you have to think how big of a role does ego play into an atheists’ thinking, as well as just sheer arrogance. I used to be an atheist myself, so I think I have a pretty good grasp on this: anyone that is going to outright DENY the existence of God is just plain arrogant since he’s not content with leaving the matter open-ended and saying he does not know one way or another. So whenever you sit at home pondering these things I ask that you think about your sources of information, whether the intentions of these people are good and true, why these great minds came to their current level o thinking, etc.

    Anyway, I hope this information has been helpful to someone out there, and I hope that one day each and every one of us will find peace in this subject matter once and for all..and even if we don’t in our lifetimes, I hope that we don’t give up trying. I think there’s a reason why we are all suffering from this..for me it was to motivate me to seek truth. I hope God will put this to rest for all of us soon and give us all the answers we need, when the time is right. :)

  • frances says:

    With me it’s a great fear/sadness knowing that i will no longer be on this planet one day. When i think about me having to die one day i find myself staring into space wide eyed not quite comprehending how it is that i won’t be present anymore….such strange feelings i know. I have had and am having the most wonderful life. I so thoroughly enjoy so much exquisite detail on a daily basis that i am often moved to tears. I do find life quite easy to live and problems and obstacles i have overcome with ease and good humour….never have i found trials and tribulations along the way. I know i am exceedingly lucky to be able to cope better than i think most people do.My background involves a very happy childhood.I am 53 years old and have been a qualified nurse for 34 years. I am a member of MENSA and have a thousand and one interests in life. I adore my ‘fellow man/ human race’ so much that it hurts. But…….the pain of knowing i will one day not be here on earth is sometimes very hard to bare. Thank you Robert for sharing and i do feel a little less alarmed now that I’ve read other perspectives.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Nadia 29,

    Thank you for your long comment! It does sound quite interesting, and I hope all the knowledge you gain will make you happy and more calm about it all. I do agree that excluding any options is not a good thing – there’s so much in this world we don’t understand, so always leave room for doubt.

    frances,

    It is indeed a hard thing to face. I’m glad you found some consolation here, and feel free free to read or write at any time.

  • John says:

    I have recently started thinking about and fearing my own death. It was caused by a medical issue I had that wasn’t life threatening but it was enough to really rock me to the core. After that I started to really think about my existence. That is when I stopped thinking I was invincible. ;)

    I am an athiest. I believe that we are just a product of evolution. I truly believe that the secret of life is that there is no secret. This of course makes it difficult for me when I think about death. To think that I could miss seeing my 3 kids grow up and have families, or to not get to see what our absolutely wonderful species will create or discover next. At the same time there is sometimes a feeling of insignificance, when you think about the word infinite and the word universes in the same sentence.

    These feelings don’t overwhelm me or my life but they are very very powerful at times. I imagine the universe just going on without my participation, for billions and billions of years and I am going to miss it all. Such a sad thought. I try to soothe myself by thinking that my children with my DNA will always have a piece of me inside them. Just like my family members tell me “oh, you are just like your father was”.

    One exercise that I do which actually helps a little is when I have these fears of death, I immediately think to myself the complete opposite, What if I lived to be 100 and lived a great and fulfilling life together with my family! I do this to see if I can actually imagine that feeling of joy since it is so easy to feel the feeling of dread when you are thinking about your mortality. I find it harder to feel the joy but maybe with some time of me picking my own brain and practicing I will be able to make it easier. ;)

    Warm regards to everyone,

    John

  • Robert Nyman says:

    John,

    Thanks for writing!
    I think you’re right – if one has a belief in a greater power it could make it easier to handle these thoughts.

    I love the exercise and I think it sounds like a great approach!

  • Anne says:

    Im also afraid to die. Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve always had fears of dying. I remember crying myself to sleep when I was little thinking of my parent’s and siblings dying. Religion wasn’t a major part of my life. My grandparent’s were religious and I feel that actually made me more in fear of death. I always associated God with death. Then in my 20’s, didn’t think about it much. I didn’t have a care in the world. (Thank goodness because it gave me a break! :) But now Im in my 30’s, married and have a 4 year old son and one on the way, my fears have come back into my life. Of course this fear is much more vivid at night which sucks! And my beliefs in a God have diminished over the years. Never thought I would EVER think of myself as an athiest, but Im leaning more and more towards that belief. I sometimes want to believe that there is a God but I feel that religion is something made up for us humans to feel like our life has a meaning or purpose. I’ve thought about going to church but I feel like Im going for the wrong reasons. That reason being to ease my fear of dying but not truly believing in a God. Does it really give everyone peace of mind when they believe a certain way of what happens after death? Apparently so but I believe that NOONE knows what happens after death and maybe that is what is so frustrating to me. I struggle with this everyday and I hate it. I wish I could think like my husband does. He says not to worry about things you can’t control. It sounds so easy, doesn’t it!? The ONLY thing that gives me some sort of peace about dying is that everyone is going to die. That’s the only thing I can hold onto at this point. Im hoping that I can come to some sort of resolution in my life where Im ok with it all. I know this subject is depressing to think about and I truly am a happy person that enjoys living and enjoys all the wonderful things on this earth. I deeply love my friends and family and I think that is what’s so hard to let go of when you die. Thanks for sharing your story. It helps to know your not alone! :)

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Anne,

    Thanks for writing!
    I’m sorry the fears are back, and I genuinely hope you find a good way to deal with them.

  • Gaz says:

    I get the scary thoughts at night too, sometime I have to sit up because I’m so scared I can’t even lie still, but how do I deal with it? Porn that’s how? works every time.

  • katy holdenberry says:

    umm well idk i just want to commit suicide so i wont be scared anymore to die unexpectdily so if yall can help me please i dont know what too do anymore

  • Robert Nyman says:

    katy,

    I hope that that is not the truth, and that you find a way to feel better.
    Talk to friends, family or try with some professional help.

  • katy holdenberry says:

    okay thank you u actuly helped i think god gave us a life for a reason to enjoy it at that time and not waste it thanks and if i have any other problems i will talk here!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    katy,

    Sounds good.

  • Micky says:

    Interesting and nicely written article. I am not that afraid of death, but I am still asking myself: How in the world I started to exist? I mean, why I got my mind, ego or soul? And this beautiful place for living, how did it all start?

    One day, I started to think about world something like there is no “creation” and “destruction”, but only change. Energy changes. When we cut paper on small pieces, it is still more or less that paper.

    Few days after, my college professor was talking about particle anihilation. Gasp. …maybe there is someone or something making fun of me. :)

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Micky,

    Thanks!
    Existence is indeed something mind-blowing to think about.

  • katy holdenberry says:

    Hi ,

    This is katy ‘s mother I saw this on her computer … and she never told me about this that she was afraid of dying i guess that i never really listened to her and understood her . My daughter Katy was a wonderful girl proud happy and a beautiful lady My daughter Katy committed suicide this afternoon at 1 her favorite time of the day she . She called at 12 saying mom i love you but there is no reason to live if god is gonna take away my life i said baby ” i am busy please just stop with this shit u are freaking me out ” okay mom u will see when u get home that i am not crazy i love you always remember that i will always love you no matter what i said katy sweetheart i am busy please stop i love you too i was worried i heard like a cry … i dropped the phone as soon as my daughters best friend called and said Mrs holdenberry help please ur daughter is dying i dropped the phone ran in the car got home … and saw my daughter hung from the celeling on her fathers rope she had cut her veins too she was still alive after they got her off the rope she was still alvie untill 500 please i need some advice RIP katy i love you baby girl <3

  • katy holdenberry says:

    Umm why havn’t yall fucking answered me

  • Robert Nyman says:

    katy,

    This blog post and comments is about sharing feelings and discussing things, if people so like; it is not about obligations or similar. I don’t think it’s the the place for the discussion you seek.

  • Katie says:

    I came across this site in a quick search on the internet. Thank you, Robert, for addressing this topic. This post itself provides a certain comfort to me. It is comforting to see responses and know that I am not struggling alone with the thought.

    I am currently a junior in college working on my undergraduate degree in psychology. I have struggled with panic disorder for a year (which is kind of ironic). A common symptom of a panic attack is an intense fear of dying, which is what fueled me to fear death. About six months into my struggle with panic disorder, my anxiety had become comorbid with depression. I became depressed about fearing death.

    I have examined from every angle what happens (or does not happen) at the moment of death. I have struggled with both science and religion.

    To put it very, very simply:

    From a scientific standpoint, I find comfort in thoughts. For example, the chances of my existence on this Earth are so infinitely small that it is fascinating to think about, which produces a little spark of joy in me. From a religious standpoint, if I were to believe in God, my belief would be that he loves everyone no matter what and no one should fear eternal damnation, because justice happens on Earth. After all, he is the creator of all things. So, as you can probably see, I get my mind in and endless loop of mental torture some days.

    For this reason, I have come to the conclusion that I will never be able to be comfortable with any explanation, because they all have their flaws. So, it is in my best interest to operate with the humbleness to admit that I do not know what the inevitable will bring.

    Once again, thanks Robert.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Katie,

    Thanks for writing.
    Interesting thought process, and I like the conclusion you’ve come to!

  • Matthew says:

    I understand this fear and anxiety all too well. Oddly, it isn’t derived from death for myself, but from life. Life to me so far… has been a jumble of ideas and history that have had no definite conclusion or purpose. The thought of living forever has triggered attacks that leave me feelings like I’ll be forced to witness events unending without rest. I imagine this is relatively the same as the view with death, as it is unending and uncontrollable.

    I believe my view of this situation comes from the fact I have found no real direction in life. As I said to me it has been a rather strange affair with so many differing views and notions of reality that I largely see no end, no definable set parameters to existence. This in turn has made it difficult for me to find a place to call home socially and a career that isn’t a pointless action in futility. Of course, I don’t have to point out that without a career for income and social network you eventually could be heading down a path that leads to death. So, I guess in the end I do fear death but not so much as I fear life as it leads to such an end.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Matthew,

    Thanks for sharing.
    I guess that what life seems to be, though: a lot of random things, some with longer staying power than others. At the same time, though, there seems to be a red thread throughout it all which is you and your personality.

    I think we need to embrace it as it is and make the best we can out of it.

  • osman says:

    I’m 16 and I have lived my whole life believeing in god. Then I recently started thinking what if god doesn’t exist. Now I don’t really believe in god and ever since I can’t stop thinking about death. I can literally feel the pain in my heart. My family believe in god and I don’t want to tell them how I feel nor do I want them not to believe in god because he may not or may exist and I don’t want them to go through the crap I’m going through. I asked my dad what percentage of belief does he have for god and he said 60 to 80 which made me feel better because he hgas some doubt so if he dies and goes no where it won’t be upsetting. I wish there was an after life and perhaps there is but I believe in science and logicc and I can’t believe that hell is a place where one would be sent for even murder.

  • just another girl says:

    death is part of life and there is nothing we can do about it. tons of people died in the last billion years and tons of people will die in present and future. thinking of death just cause us pain. you can’t really enjoy your life while thinking of what will come. enjoy what you have now and say thank you every day for what you got. you know when you get older and you realize that death is soon to come you tent to make peace with it and those little things like grandchildrens and family helps you get through the days.
    now.. i’m only 18 and i thought of death many times but there is no reason to be afraid of it. not when life is so beautiful

    sorry about my english. i’m not so good ><"

  • Robert Nyman says:

    osman,

    Thanks for writing.
    I think you should talk to your family about your thoughts. Just expressing what you think won’t necessarily take away their belief – I think it’s important to be able to discuss things and try to understand and respect each others angle.

    just another girl,

    Thanks for your comment.
    I do agree that we should try and make the best out of it all. Some people will need to ponder, though, but doesn’t have to seclude having a good life.

  • Kathie Hansen says:

    I found your site through searching for “afraid to die”…looking for other people’s experiences.
    A few years ago my health began to fail, and I quickly went from being active and involved, to being housebound and afraid. I feel I’m in a grief state, I still can’t believe I lost my vigor so quickly.
    I feel helpless and weak and afraid of what is going to happen to me. The reality is I am weak and it is like I am in denial or something.
    I keep thinking I’ll wake up and it will all have been a dream. I feel disconnected from my children and lonely.
    Realistically people in my family tend to die in mid eighties to mid nineties…and since I’m only 62, I still have a ways to go.
    It seems an impossible task at this point…I am in pain a lot and to have 20 more years of it? The thought is overwhelming.
    I have sought counseling and they just throw medication at me. I take it to feel ‘better’ but it doesn’t really help. I hope i can get through this feeling of dread and foreboding I have.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Kathie,

    Thank you for writing.
    I’m sorry to hear about your physical state. All I can say is that maybe it helps taking to your family and discussing how you feel, and to let them share your perspective.

    I hope you can find both people to talk to about as well as ways to being active in some way. I think it’s important to do things to feel good about yourself, and perhaps you can find something doable with your condition.

  • Stephen Ladd says:

    I find that death is so overwhelming that I beging to question reality. If the reality we know is false, then so is death. How can this be that we loose those we love until we are alone. What was this journey for? Have I imagined the entire thing? Do I create each day upon waking? I find the release of sleep such a blessing…my mind wanders with out the cage of a body, and therefore is more spirit like….perhapes death is unable to touch such a being.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Stephen,

    Perhaps it is so.

  • Travis says:

    I’m terriffied of my mortallity, when will it happen, how will it happen, will it hurt, what will happen afterwards, will i notice what happens to my earthly body,but most of all i am terrified of that last breath, I’ve been told Death is a release, but i keep pictureing that last breathe and feel the dread of knowing that no matter what i do, it will still be my last and i am powerless to change it.. the thought is crippling sometimes.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Travis,

    Thanks for writing.
    I can definitely relate to those feelings, and it’s terrible. Let’s hope it isn’t like that.

  • Allie says:

    I’m not sure if anyone will read this but i’m a 14 year old girl..it’s 2:50 am and i can not sleep. i had a horrible nightmare about the world ending last night. Tonight I started thinking what it would be like in heaven.

    The thing that scared me the most was not being with my family in heaven.

    I also pictured death dark, and just being alone . no idea what to do :/

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Allie,

    Thank you for sharing.
    The best thing you can do is talk to someone you really trust, like a family member. If that seems hard or like something you don’t want to do, maybe some counseling to talk to someone who listens?

  • J. says:

    Hy everyone… I Don’t like to state my name in the web because of all the security issues, therefore i will introduce my self as J.

    I wish i was able to believe in God, but i just cant… I used to be a
    somewhat religious person, but i never let myself be blinded by the concepts of the religion itself, and i have always searched for a way to relieve my self from the idea of death… After all this time, although i cannot say i have a religious belief i do admit that it makes things a lot easier, so the way i see it people are usually happier and more successful when they are good, and most religions ask for goodness in exchange for salvation… So i choose to do my very best at making everyones lives happier, even if it means making some sacrifices of my own.

    I am yet to see full grown results as life can be complicated and this isn’t an easy way to live, but people need each other… And always being pursued by this fear of death the one thing that really did calm me down was to be held by a girl. Women just have that effect on people i guess, they just give away this very maternal feeling, like they wont let you go no matter what, they make you want to protect that feeling and treasure it… I speak this way maybe because i was raised by to women, granny and mom lol, so i might have a bit more of a tender side in me, i think. But whenever i slept with my girlfriend the most amazing sensation i got was to hold her tight against me and to fall asleep like that. It ended, life sucks bla bla bla, we’ve all been there i think :p anyway nowadays i feel that whenever im with my friends i feel just as calm as with her.. The nights are my greatest fight. Always thinking about the boundaries of the universe and about the big crunch which would be the ultimate end for everything, like the opposite of the big bang, when the universes expansion ceases it will start growing smaller and smaller due to gravity until it eventually reaches the starting point again, in which all matter will be crushed together. Even if we could avoid death forever thin SoB would still get us :( luckily its only one of the many theories, so for now nothing is guaranteed … As i was saying, nighttime is the time i think the most about death… So if you feel like this just hold on to your significant other, and in him or her you will find a reason to smile despite all this crap, because the universe was made for us, and if we are lucky enough to have been that little fella that reached the egg in time to become alive… We might as well enjoy the ride and live happily, and maybe even try to make every body else happy while we are at it, and when death comes, lets face it with a smile and learn what no one who is alive knows. Exactly what it is that awaits us. This was a bit longer than i expected, anyway its 3:41 am and i should try to get some sleep. Life should be shared people, its to big to be eaten by just one person and to short to be enjoyed without some help ;)

  • Robert Nyman says:

    J.,

    Thank you for writing.
    I definitely agree with what you were writing, and it is indeed great advice!

  • Kukulkan says:

    I am 23 and first experienced this fear when I was 14. I remember the moment when this started, I was just trying to sleep like any other night and in mid sleep I thought “what if nothing happens when you die?”. I swear it was like lightning had struck my entire body, It was the biggest “wow” thought I had ever experienced. I am very surprised many share the same story…

    1. Becoming aware of death
    2. Thoughts appear before sleep
    3. Anxiety attacks
    4. Happens in waves (have the fear for months-not caring for months)
    5. Never finding the answer

    Why can’t we figure this out and why doesn’t our primal instincts delude these thoughts ??

    Well guess what ?? I think I found the answer to all our problems, however, it requires a leap of faith, and not in a mainstream religious manner.

    I grew up catholic, and when I turned 13 I began to see the flaws in religions and started stepping towards mainstream science which seemed to make so much sense at the time. It wasn’t until I was 17 when I started to do some research on my ancestors. The Aztecs, and most native american civilizations, believe in an afterlife and the most puzzling evidence they had was their wisdom given to them by their “gods”. Don’t get confused by the history you have learned about these people from schools for they are, like most subjects, biased and accepted. The Aztecs didn’t believe in their “gods” the same way christians believe in theirs. The god of rain was not literal, but a manifestation, one part of the “whole” god and their god was infact the Universe who they called Ometeotl (which translated to a universal balance of two). There HAS to be a balance to everything, good and evil, dark and light, even our bodies share this balance, two eyes, 2 parts of the brain, the heart beats in 2 rhythms, 23 chromosomes from each parent. As you start to see how everything has 2 sides to the coin you will then bring into play the microscopic to the giant. The same way electrons revolve around the protons and neutrons so do moons around planets, planets around the sun, and the sun around the galaxy. Everything was designed in a code, everything must relate or it wouldn’t exist.

    There is so much more to be said but after gathering all the info it brought comfort into knowing that these people figured out the laws of balance AND believed in an afterlife. For them to be right about one and wrong about the other seems very unlikely to me.

    What does this have to do with the fear of death ?? EVERYTHING. People want this answer given to them, if it was that easy it would have been done a long time ago. Before you try to discover what happens when you die you must first know what it is that makes our universe work and resonate in the first place. Balance, ying yang, duality, karma, because with this, brings meaning. Now you may think that you are alive now so the balance is to NOT be alive but where does that leave your conscience ?? Well by definition your conscience or soul, spirit, ki, awareness, aura whatever you want to call it is ENERGY which cannot be created or destroyed, so, your conscience is already in balance. This can only mean one thing, your conscience is in control of a physical body in a physical world, balance would mean you will be conscience not in control of a body not in a physical world but conscience non the less.

    The only way to try to figure out, or accept, death is by first trying to learn or experience meaning though a thought, idea, or message you are neglecting. It is like trying to convert a muslim into a christian. The muslim is the one that has to “think outside the box” before anything can be printed in their brain. You have to read something so ridiculous it has to grow on you in order to accept.

    I tried to keep this short but couldn’t help it. I hope you found comfort in my words and my apologies if I insulted anyone. REMEMBER, you must take a leap into the unknown and let your heart and reasoning decipher the puzzle. Maybe this link is your savior….

    http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/mistic/karma.htm

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Kukulkan,

    Thanks for writing!
    It’s a thoughtful read, and I believe most people will find it interesting.

  • JoLynn says:

    I have made my life to have very little stress. I am 36, work fulltime and have a wonderful hubby and daughter (7).. I also have Rheumatoid arthritis (crippling disease).. One day I become super stressed over this property we bought.. How I am 36 and how I am not even close to where I thought I would be. All of sudden this trigger my fear of death.. I have always been afraid.. But I could usually find an excuse to comfort me.. I have search many different beliefs.. And each has given me in the past comfort of death.. But this time the stress I was experincing opened a flood of fears. For two weeks I was in a mourning of dying. I cried that my hubby would dye. And I ponder how much longer do we have together.. Then I felt quilty that I would cause my daughter pain when I die.. It was like I was mouring my life and death. Everytime I met someone I would think “I wonder how much longer they have”.. It got so bad I couldnt eat, sleep or do my job.. I would take long lunches and go to the park to cry or go in the bathroom to cry.. I couldnt fight it on my own.. I am on meds now. Which I hate.. But I know I will go right back into a depression if I dont have them.. I havent found the answer to my issue but I found something to help me enjoy things I have before.. I am still obbessed with reearching the answer for death and how to cope.. But I am not upset over it now. The weird thing when I dream its happy normal everyday life stuff. I my dreams I dont fear death.. i dont care. i care about what I am doing at the time.. Sometimes when i wake I hit snooze so i can keep that feeling for another 10mins.

  • Amber says:

    Hi Robert. I also fear death but I mostly fear hell. I grew up in a very religious family and was taught that if I didn’t do exactly as the bible told me I would burn in hell. I think it’d be easier for me to cope with death if I didn’t feel like I have to pick a religion to save me from eternal damnation. I am not a very religious person and have found while studying other religions that they are flawed….but if I don’t believe in God then I’m left in the unknown. I also suffer from panic attacks at night, constantly checking my pulse, and praying to this God I don’t believe so he can give me another day of life. I wish i could just believe in something, that way if I believed in God I would find a religion or if there is no God then I could deal with the unknown. Being stuck in the middle sucks!!!Thanks for giving me a place to write!

  • Kukulkan says:

    Amber, this god you pray to that you are not sure is there is in fact either there or not. If he isn’t there, then there is nothing to worry about concerning hell because there will be no destination mapped out for you when you die. You will either become a spirit in a world you will have to figure out by yourself like ALL of us, or it will be as peaceful as it was before you were born to ALL of us.

    If that god IS there, don’t you think he would understand your situation better than you think he does ?? You are not alone, and believing in anything out of FEAR is not healthy. I’m sure he understands this as well.

    Even though we see life is not as fair as we wish it could be we must also accept that we really don’t know anything. We know what exists here based on our senses. To most people in america it is common knowledge that the possibility of making it to the moon is very likely. To people in north korea, going to the moon is not only impossible, but no one has ever done it before. They don’t know the history we have, so their senses can’t understand something so simple to us. Heaven, hell, purgatory, spiritworld, all of this we really know NOTHING about. Our senses haven’t been there.

    Don’t worry about what you can’t control, that defeats the purpose of life. And I know its hard to bear, especially at night when you really have time to think, but you have to create this will power yourself. Just remember, we are all in it together. Inevitability is not a dilemma, it’s requirement to the senses.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    JoLynn,

    Thank you for writing.
    Maybe you will never find an answer to it, and thinking/worrying about it too much will wear you down, while at the same time you might not getting anything out of it.

    I know it’s very easy to say, but perhaps the only way out of it is focusing on being happy and the good things you do have in your life, and try to stop thinking about death.

    Amber,

    Thanks for sharing.
    I share the comment of Kukulkan, that fear should not drive you to any religion. If a religion gives you comfort or something else that is good and constructive, by all means, go for it, but not from being afraid.

    I think at the end of the day, try to make the most out of your life, and put your mind and thoughts on living instead of being afraid.

    Kukulkan,

    Thanks for chiming in!

  • Francis says:

    I just read this article when I came upon it by simply searching “I’m afraid of dying.”

    I’m 19, and I have had these thoughts probably since I was 15. I see news of deaths and tv shows where people/”actors” dye, and I can’t help but start to cry.

    I cry because I can’t imagine myself not breathing, not feeling, not doing. I also have this fear when it comes to my parents and sister. I guess I can call myself selfish because I don’t want them to die.

    I can’t imagine my life without me speaking to them, not having my parents give me advice or help me out. This makes the little fights so insignificant, that I get mad at myself for going along with the arguing.

    About a year ago, for about 2 months, I constantly cried myself to sleep because I could not stop thinking about death and not being able to live longer and always enjoy my family and those I love. I know that sounds silly.

    I have wanted to speak to a psychologist or a professional of some sort about this, but never had the guts to speak out about it.

    Any who, I really enjoyed this article. I felt like I connected with man of the feelings you pointed out. Thank you!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Francis,

    Thank you for writing.
    I can definitely relate to most of the feelings you mention. However, I do hope that you find comfort in reading that many people feel the same way, but that many try to focus on other things instead to get by.

  • TheGuy says:

    Firstly, it’s nice to know that im not the only one who has this fear. I am young and I have got alot of life left, i hope but it still really makes me want to cry.

    What do you think?

    When we die we:

    -Go to heaven if we are good, etc.
    -Become reborn as another animal or human.
    -Nothing. You are unconcious and won’t notice a thing.

    I love my family so much, i just don’t want to leave them.
    I just want to know what the answer is. I am really worried.

    I just wish we could all know.

    All my life i’ve been worrying. I’m sick and tired of it.
    I talked to my mom a long time a go, and she said that i shouldn’t be thinking about those thoughts. It helped for a while but now its back.

    So long as we are all in this togethor it makes me feel a little better, unfortunatly it doesn’t stop the fear.

    Please reply.

  • TheGuy says:

    Oh and which option would you prefer from above? But be honest on what you think it is.

    I have another question. I belive in hinduism, can i still be accepted by gods of other religions? Im worried. Also i really hope that when you die, there is either a heaven where you can be happy or you will be reborn again, in a different body. I do really CANNOT live without my family. *in tears* sorry. I am so glad i have a place to express my feelings and i hope this is okay but i’d like to pray for a momment here.

    Dear god,
    I admit i am not perfect, i’ve made mistakes, alot of them, and they could have been avoided. I hope it’s not too late to change my ways.
    I hope that there is a heaven where we remain happy forever with our families and friends, or we are reborn to this world as what we desire. If there is a heaven, i hope it’s not too late for me to change my ways. I hope for a long life and wish for either of the two things to happen afterwards. I hope that everyone in the world will live life and after that in peace and happiness as long as they accepted their mistakes. I’d give up everything i own and have to be with my family and friends forever.

    Aum shanti, Aum Shanti, Aum shanti

    Ah i feel a little better now. I can start enjyoing life again, because i am going to fix my ways, and believe, and hopefully go to heaven with my family and friends, become reborn on earth with the same family or a different, but preferably the same and eventually go to heaven with god, or nothing. I hope that all is well for you guys too, but still i would still appreciate any answers to the questions above on the previous post. Thanks, love you guys.

    Sorry for the legnth, and remember, respect everyone, enjoy yourself, atchive your goals and live life to the fullest, and prepare for the wonderfull stuff that lies ahead. And if your still worried, remember that it will feel just like how you felt before you were born if none of the two wonderfull things happen. It won’t feel bad so long as your good and respect god and everyone.

    I think you can choose the religion you believe in and so long as your are good or start being good, nothing bad will happen.

    Sorry for the long post and disorganized way i wrote, wrote alot.

    Look forward to your replies.
    :D

  • Robert Nyman says:

    TheGuy,

    Thanks for writing.
    I think there are almost as many beliefs as there are humans in the world. Some believe in religion, some in science, some in numerous variations of those.

    At the end of the day, know that you aren’t alone in your fears, and also that the best you can do is focus on being happy and good to other people.

  • TheGuy says:

    Thanks for the reply Robert. It’s nice to know that there are many others just like me with the same fears. Do you have a prediction and or hope of what might happen? It might help us all enjoy life. Do you think we’ll be reborn, go to heaven, or nothing.

    I am so sorry if this is bothering you, im just very worried, even after my second post, it may take a while to heal.

    I really need a predicted answer from others like you. And especially for “I belive in hinduism, can i still be accepted by gods of other religions?” What do you guys think. And is it too late to start being good, i have to admit, i was a little bad when i was younger.

  • TheGuy says:

    ^for the question above, do i need to believe in everything of another religion, im worried that if my religion isn’t you know, i cant say it, isn’t true, (god: this is only part of my worry) can i still be saved by other religions.

  • Kukulkan says:

    No prob Mr. Robert, I always like to help people in this situation. There is some part of the brain that comes to terms with reality, for many it just has to be awakened. A busy person will not think of death since they will be too worried about tomorrow. My advice, work very hard at your job, school, hobby, etc. There are enough resources to entertain us, with out that we are left with thoughts that go out of control and we can never find the answer because it is not our purpose. Realize your talents and push your limits.

    TheGuy, if it brings any hope, I believe in a matrix like system. If you seen the movie it is essentially, humans entering a cyber world. What i’m talking about the “spirit” is the human and the world we live in is the matrix. Your conscience is trapped in your body, you or something/someone put you in that body. When you die you will return back to spirit world which is really “reality”. It’s like a dream. Sometimes you see yourself, or you travel very fast to another image, you might have a nightmare, sometimes things are out of place, you see things that are not possible, yet you believe it. As a spirit, you will go wherever your mind wants to go.

    All that being said, Buddhism is great if you are interested. That will focus on your spirit hundreds of times more than mainstream religions. It is not a religion, Buddhism has one god, the universe, and they only speak wisdom. In the end, when you die all that will matter is your spirit, and if you don’t believe in the spirit you are very unaware of reality.

    http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/l/lao_tzu.html

  • TheGuy says:

    Thanks for the advice kukulkan, i really appreciate it. I just wish whatever happens im with my family and friends and am happy. You’ve really helped alot, would you mind responding to my questions. I just feel the need to get other peoples opinions, I’m still a bit worried, and i hope to talk again. I just cant help but cry sometimes. I really need advice.

  • Kukulkan says:

    You have to come to terms with reality. You will die and leave your family behind, just like every one has in the past and in the future. It is a cycle, a code, a law that we all have to go through. I often think that “god” could be testing us to see how we can cope with such a merciless world. We cannot be in this physical world with our families forever, if we were immortal, we would already seem dead. With immortality bring less meaning, a years time to a regular person will seem like a second to the immortal. You have to die and move on, just like everything else.

    Like I said, when you die I believe you will turn back into energy, like you were before you were born. Coming back to another body seems very possible to me, into an animal maybe, and if we die and nothing happens, that’s only a fear we have while alive. The big bang, god, or something way above our consciousness created all that is, all the thoughts in your head, emotions, karma, everything is ran in a cycle. We live inside the universe, do you think our home has thoughts ?? What if this universe is the mind of god ?? Most religions say we were created by a god. That means that this universe we live in is part of him. Everything that is and happens does in his vision. When you die, even if the whole universe gets destroyed it really wont, it will go back into god.

    The best way to kill a thought is by using your mind on another subject. Stray as far away from it and give yourself something more important to worry about. When you are depressed you can sit around and suffer all day in paralysis but you can also turn that depression into rage, anger, anxiety and if you put that energy into a your talents like playing guitar or a sport you can become a very dominant beast because you have then brought meaning to your life. What’s gonna happen IS gonna happen. The rules have been made way before we even existed, accept it, be brave, and smile.

  • TheGuy says:

    Thankyou very much for taking the time to help me. I really do appreciate it. Even though i cannot be completly cleared of worry, as i know it will always be there, i will be brave and I WILL SMILE because I know that it is something we all have to go through.

    Anyway because we all have to go, i feel a bit more calm, knowing that people like you also have a bit of worry, but we cannot let it ruin our lives. As you implied, we should cherrish and enjoy each given day.

    Any tips on living longer?

    And so basically your saying i’ll never see my loved ones again? D:
    If you are its time for me to spend A LOT more time with family.

    Love you all, and love god. :D

  • TheGuy says:

    ^And im sorry, i didn’t really understand about the immortal stuff, what does it mean? ;D

    Theres my smile, and again: :D

  • Robert Nyman says:

    TheGuy,

    Absolutely, more time with family and loved ones, and treat them in a nice kind way!I hope that whatever you believe in, you will be judged by your actions, consideration to others and kindness.

  • TheGuy says:

    Is it too late to start being kind? Im only in my teens. ;D?

  • Robert Nyman says:

    TheGuy,

    It is never too late to start being kind!

  • TheGuy says:

    Thankyou, Robert, for starting this board and allowing me to express my feelings, and understanding them. And Thankyou Kukulkan for expressing your thoughts to better calm me. My worry is still loming a bit, but i talked to my mom and she said that it’s a waste of time worrying about these kinds of things because fact is we won’t know the answer, we’ve just got to pray be kind and wish for the best. I’m in comfort knowing that i’ll always have my family, friends, teachers, and (hopefully you guys are all here), this form as well. Thanks guys! Let’s all enjoy life. :D

  • TheGuy says:

    And just to really clear my mind, what your saying is that if there is an afterlife and I start being kinder now, I can still get in?

  • Kukulkan says:

    You are 19, there are people who dont realize to be good until their 60s, even more. We all go through transitions, master your fears now and you will always dominate above them.

    What I meant by being immortal I meant in the physical world. Not even the solar system is immortal and our compositions come from the sun. This is the way it is for us, all of us. There are only two facts in life, we will die and we will pay taxes.

    Good or bad, we will go to the same place after death, from there only our spirits will determine the next stage of our consciousness. Think about it this way, when you sleep you become unconscious, and when you wake up you want to go back to sleep. It will be the same when you die, except you will know it’s not a dream.

  • TheGuy says:

    I really liked how you think. It is something we all have to face and thankyou for taking this time in your precious life to help me with my worry. It is because of you and everyone here which has helped me pretty much over come my fear. Its just the thought of being in an enclosed space that makes me worried. If you can talk to me a bit on that…it would mean a whole lot. Im sorry if im bothering you too much. Thanks in advance.

  • Lexi Ruffnix says:

    Hello. I am alexandria. and I am 20 years old. I am up at 1:22 Am in the morning back at my mothers house. I came back to NC to help her out after and during her surgery. She has lupis and its been steadily getting worse. I dont need to continue on that note but what Iwant to say is I know that with all the comments you got you most likely won’t have time to read mine. But I’m so .. idk touched..? by what you wrote. Every night when I am alone… in the dark I think about death. I think about dying. Every since I was small . When I had my first near death experience at 8 years old that resulted in me seeing death.. and being able to touch the hand that it reached out to me made me afraid. afraid of everything and question everything. at just 8 years old. I had a drowning experience… and now I am unable to fear Dying.Only death. What happens after the suffocation. Or the blindness. and that warm emptyfeeling that is of a release. Knowing i wont come back. I have had 4 suicide attempts growing up. all with pills. Something to make me go easy into that ‘forever night’. Because my life was never happy. It was never settled or structured. I can only dream of accomplishing what you’ve accomplished. My fear has me at a standpoint. I constantly think something bad will happen. I constantly think I am sick or going to have an accident. I am so afraid Ican’t even worry or fear the things in life that make it hard. Only the things that make it end. I dont even feel human. I know there is something more powerful than us out there. But knowing it… and understanding it is even harder. Despite my belief in a higher power I STILL fear Death. and I can’t breath sometimes. Sometimes my fear of death makes me wish I could jsut get it over with. and I can’t help but notice that in just meeting my real family at the age of 17 that non of them are older than 60 accept for my grandfather. Cancer runs high. Heart disease, lupis, and leukemia . and it seemd like EVERYONE I spoke to understood and came to terms with it. My mother wouldn’t talk to me about it. Sometimes my dad would make me feel better by saying something funny about how Ishould jsut be good so that god doesnt flip the switch on that elevator shaft to heaven into the other direction.
    adults were fine with it. it was just me. and I would ask my self.. how could you be okay with.. Just NOT existing? how could you be okay with Ending everything and not knowing if you’ll ever come back to this eternal universe? I know everythings connected. I am a eastern pagan ritualist. I cannot choose a religion. So I mix eastern religions with the religions I grew up with. Knowing that prayer and meditation is the only thing to keep me okay I cling to it. But sometimes that thought comes backand it pulls me down. and of all the things in the world to learn.. thats the one thing that you can study forever… and ever… and you’ll never find an answer until its too late. I am an optimist… but sometimes it just gets me down. and I want to call it quits. Because it feels like it is already over.
    But that is one thing.. I am unable to be indecisive about. It hurts. allI want is to never be alone again. and I do things that I regret wishing to make the thought go away… but its always there. Just lingering. I guess what I really wanted was to say thanks for being the first person to tell me that I am not crazy or alone for thinking its… maddening. The thought of dying that is. because I feel like I am going to go crazy. I have only been back home with my family a few days and its getting worse. I sleep inthe bed with my little sisters. and I become angry and paranoid anytime someone brings up something like alian invasion or natural disasters, or 2012,.
    BUT thank you so much. Thank you so damn much for making me feel not alone right now. even though right now I am. even my fantasy world scares me sometimes. My nightmares are always consisting of me being chased down or lost. and I wake up so tired and afraid and scared all the time. the same damn nightmares every night.
    I’ve realized now.. ITS THE FEar… that is killing me. I use to think all knowledge is good for you. If you use it the right way. But now I wish.. I wish I could pretend that death is unknown to me. EVeryone says young people thinkt heir invincible.. I never have. i wish I could be like them. and not care. spend my whole youth days drunk or high. But I am afraid of going to far into nothingness.
    Please know that your not alone. Please try to be happy for your family. I dont know if I will ever have kids… because I am afraid they will be like me. Obsessed with the fear. Its so scary sometimes. Please just.. if you can pretend for them. For your family. dear god maybe you could just give someone some hope that they could be like you one day.

    Sincerely lexi

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Lexi,

    Thank you very much for sharing!
    I always read the comments here, to understand and to hear about different peoples’ perspective.

    I think all we can do as humans is – through whatever route we choose – try to come and terms with death. If that is in believing in an afterlife, reincarnation, pushing it away, focus on the good things that life can offer you or whatever else, I think that’s what we have to do.

    I do hope it will work for you too.

  • Kukulkan says:

    TheGuy, we in our normal lives do very similar things everyday. For the most part we wake up early, go to school/work, come home, do hobbies and repeat. Being claustrophobic is very natural since we are so used to the outside world, even though most americans stay in their homes all day. You fear something that hasn’t happened yet. Instead of fearing the event, compromise and adapt today so IF the time comes you will be prepared. We live in a world were we don’t have to look over our shoulders. We think the police can handle all our problems and when the law isn’t there who do we turn to ?? Just ourselves. We must think like cavemen, in a sense that we must be independent, resourceful, and without fear.

  • Aya says:

    The fear of death is natural. No one can be immortal. So better be ready for that at every moment of your life. Do what you want to do and say last words everytime. I left last words on site http://dyingmessage.com/ and my friends could hear it after my death.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Aya,

    Thanks for writing.
    I do agree that we should act more aware of that we have a limited time, and be kind and generous to other people.

  • Filipe says:

    Hello, Robert!

    I am 22 year old final year computer engineering student in Portugal. When going to bed at night time, I often find myself thinking about the mysteries of life. Creation, evolution, etc… Years ago, for me, the simple idea that God (or some other Superior Entity) didn’t exist at all and that I wouldn’t be able to remember all the good times of my life and not being able to see my loved ones after death, terrified the living daylights out of me! But not anymore…

    The more I know about science, engineering and any other scientific-related fields, the more I tend to think that there really is a God that is controlling the physical and abstract laws of the Universe which leads me to think that there must be an afterlife. The more I know, the more I am convinced about it! I know that what I am about to say may be a bit off-topic, but some people become atheists because of the developments and recent studies of the theory of evolution (of course, among many other things). However, for me, evolution is just a part of God’s project for life in the Universe, as we know it. It’s like a computer: it was created by man at one point in time, and evolved to what we actually have. No matter how different a computer was 30 years ago, it is still one nowadays (just way more advanced)! I could talk and talk about this subject and similarities between software programming and DNA, but I won’t for now.

    Regarding some comments (written a few years ago) saying that God created evil, I have to say the following: God did not create evil. Evil is mainly the abscence of Good. Could also be seen as a donut: “donut holes don’t exist, they’re just the abscence of donut.”

    Either way, stop worrying about Hell. If you live a good life, independently of what you believe in, I think you’re in for good news. I sure hope that when our time comes, we’ll all be able to see our loved ones on the other side.

    Remember: no matter how dark a tunnel may be, there’s always light at the end of it. This means that no matter how scared you may be of death and the process of dying, something better is waiting for you.

    Love and peace to all!

  • Sophie says:

    Hi,

    It has been kind of interesting reading all of these comments. I have had a fear of death since about the age of 10 – 11. Being a hypochondriac definitely doesn’t help because I often think I’m about to die a lot sooner than I previously imagined.

    I’m 20 now. When I was 18 I had myocarditis. Which is when a virus, that could be as simple as the common cold, attacks the heart and produces similar symptoms to a heart attack. I was in hospital for 4 days and during that time… surprisingly, I wasn’t as afraid as I have been before and as afraid as I am now.

    Thankfully the virus stopped attacking my heart, I was put on medication for about a month and saw a Professor who said I had recovered. I’ve seen him three times since and he said everything was fine.

    Then last Monday, I noticed an ulcer in my mouth that didn’t really hurt and a blood blister, which I’ve never had before. It’s been a week and they’re still there. Of course, I’m freaking out and afraid that I have mouth cancer. I saw a doctor on Sunday and she said “you don’t have cancer” but I’m not convinced :( I know that doctors dismiss symptoms sometimes due to age. Which worries me, I’m going to see her today and I’m thinking about asking to get a biopsy done. I feel like without hard proof I won’t be able to calm down.

    This thought that I could have cancer has brought up all my fears of death again. Even though I’m only 20, my boyfriend is without a doubt the love of my life. I’ve only been with him for just over a year and the thought of not being with him for many more freaks me out.

    I think what scares me is the idea of just being nothing, of everyone forgetting me, of my boyfriend forgetting me, moving on and living his life without me. I know, I won’t be conscious, but while I’m alive the thought scares me. I’m also afraid of spending the last moments of my life depressed and in pain.

    I hate the fact that I experience this, I’ve completely lost my appetite in the last three days, I can’t stop myself from shaking and I can’t count the amount of times I’ve burst into tears.

    I hope, I get some good news from the doctor and dentist because I’m not ready to leave yet :(

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Filipe,

    Thank you for writing.
    I quite appreciated your positive message and look on things!

    Sophie,

    Thanks for sharing.
    I’m sorry to hear about your current fear, and the anxiety of not knowing if you are ill or not. I sincerely hope that things work out and that you can stay here for much longer.

  • Peter Emil says:

    Im a healthy 25 year old guy from Denmark, I grew up in a highclass society in England and like the children around me grew up with pocket money and alot of time on my hands… one thing led to another and drugs became apart of everyday life…

    because of this ive looked back at my childhood and thought/worried that because of the actions i took when i was younger that ive already unintentionally chosen a certain path. which now i cant change. (ive been clean for 6 years now, however smoked a joint recently thinking nothing of it; that i can say with certainty will not happen again.)

    This i seemingly know to be nonsense however ive started to worry about it often. What if me smoking has started some pschological thought loop process where i cant stop thinking about death and what happens.

    I cant express the fear i have of death enough. However it worries me more the thought of Suicide. It scares me so much to even think that one could end up in that situation :(

    I have been wondering if anyone has considered Hypnoses? This is something i really want to know!? does it work!? is it possible to trick the mind to be calm and accepting towards the idea of the end? Could i accept that this will happen and just move on!? PLEASE somebody tell me this works that they have tried it!?

    thanks for listening.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Peter,

    Thanks for writing.
    Personally I have no experience of hypnosis, unfortunately.

  • Jake says:

    hello i am a 16 year old who is terrified to die i have litterly scared myself into tachycardia everytime i think about it my heart races i often cant sleep i feel sick to my stomack i beleave i do need help with this problem but everytime i try to talk about it with my mom she thinks its a rediculus fear because as she puts it -its coming anyway no madder what u do- witch scares me even more i cant cope with this i have often thought about taking my own life because of that fact
    i cant stop think about it when will it happen why does it have to happen
    my mom has also tryed to takes hers multiple times aswell is there anything i can do to help eas my worrys im at the end of my ropes and i dont know what to do

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Jake,

    Thanks for writing.
    Try to express to your mother how badly you feel about this, and express that you need to sit down and talk about it.

    If that doesn’t help, maybe you can try some professional counseling, through your school or similar.

  • jake says:

    i have tryed but she will not listen and yes i do beleave i need the help but i dont know anyone who would be willing to talk about such a thing i am scared like many other people i dont know how to go about living with this huge thing that will always be shadowing me…

  • Robert Nyman says:

    jake,

    I hope that your school have some counselors you can talk to – probably the best approach then.

  • jake says:

    what can counselors do for it though i do not understand how they can help..

  • jake says:

    and thank you for actually listening to my concerns

  • jonathon says:

    @ Jake
    i too share the same fear as you although mine not as serious as yours i too am looking for some comfort in the subject witch i have not been able to achieve in any way or form
    I think u said it pretty spot on ” i dont know how to go about living with this huge thing that will always be shadowing me…”
    I will hope that u find some way to help u deal with this issue
    As for me i am still looking for now..

  • Robert Nyman says:

    jake,

    The point of counselors is to give you support and help you out, and if they can’t, connect you with someone who could.

    jonathon,

    Thanks for writing.
    I believe talking to people close to you, but also those who work professionally with dealing with such thoughts, can be very helpful.

  • horsegirl says:

    im scared of dieing because i all ways thought that my life was a computer game and i will never die but today i relised that i will sooon die and i will never get to see the the world again so sciencetists can you make a cure like to put us in a robot and we could live to see the 3000 and get to live forever

  • Robert Nyman says:

    horsegirl,

    Thanks for writing.
    It is an interesting thought!

  • Verona says:

    Thank you to all who have posted- this blog is truly so helpful to those who share this fear. I can whole heartedly empathize with those who have expressed their fear in death. I am now in my mid 20’s and first began to heavily contemplate death 7 years old. Ever since this first thought about death, I often times obsess over it in my mind; what is it, when will it happen, how will it happen and most importantly that plagues me… what happens after…? Yes, the fear of the unknown, this has to be the main contributor of my fear. I don’t worry about if I will leave a legacy or if I will be remembered for something great… I just don’t want to leave this world, my loved one’s etc. Perhaps along with the fear of death is the possibility of dying alone… IDK

    Part of my wants to know WHY I feel this way… what happened or didn’t in my childhood that makes me so fearful? I envy those people who are able to be at ease and at peace with the idea of death…

    I think the most challenging aspect of having this fear is hurrying through life because I feel like I cannot get enough done or experience enough… because in the back of my mind, I’m always thinking “You’re going to die someday… you need to try this, experience this, meet this person, go somewhere etc…” Not a good way to live… rushing through everything, I never really feel ‘present’ or ‘in the moment’…

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Verona,

    Thanks for sharing.
    Glad to hear that you find comfort from reading here!

    I believe not being in the moment is indeed unfortunate, but the upside could be that you make sure to do things instead of postponing. Naturally it’s not good if if it’s mainly out of fear, though.

  • Jake says:

    @veronica
    i also fear some of the same things u do im afriad of nuthing being after thus seacing to exist and i fear of not being remembered like in 100 years after death whos going to remember or care about someone who died 100 years ago i dout anyone will remember me or know anything about me all there gunna know is my name when i was born and when i died UNLESS of course u become famous for somethng like elvis presley or albet eighnstien ect. i havnt seen a tombstone more then 200 years old and most of them say name last name date of birth and date of death ooooo so much info and stuff to remember people by…

  • Jake says:

    sorry @ verona***

  • Lisa says:

    Your words pretty much echo my feelings. I became a mom in January and since then, my fear of death has magnified. Now that I’m a mom, I’m terrified of dying and missing out on all that my son will experience.

    Like you said, what scares me is the realization that I will cease to exist. To know that one day, I will close my eyes and not have any more thoughts or any more dreams depresses the crap out of me. And to realize that there will come a time where I will never see my son or husband or family/friends again scares me. I was raised a Christian but have been floundering in my faith lately (especially being married to a scientist who has no religious givings).

    In my heart, I truly, truly hope that there is an afterlife where my ego/emotions can still operate. If there’s not, I know that I will not care when I die as I will just cease to exist. But it seems so scary to go into that darkness. I always imagine that death is like that moment when you fall asleep, but before your dreams begin. I hope I can at least have some dreams. ;-)

    Thank you for showing me that there are others who feel the way I do. And this is a nice reminder to live my life to the fullest!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Lisa,

    Congratulations on becoming a mother!
    As a fellow parent, I know how that can make the emotions even stronger. But make the most out of your life with your son and make sure you don’t miss out on it!

  • Verona says:

    To Lisa- Congratulations on becoming a mother. In addition to being afraid of death, I’m afraid of having a baby because… what if I’m not a good mom!? Silly, I know.
    Do you think the reason your fear of death truly has magnified, is because you are afraid of leaving your husband and son? Or something else?
    I can really empathize with you regarding your wavering faith. I was raised a Christian, and believe there must be a higher power that loves the human race and wishes us to have love and joy… but I cannot find any love or joy in death… at all. As much as I truly want to believe in heaven… it’s so hard, I can’t see it, I don’t know for sure it’s there, so I don’t want to put all my eggs in that basket. Does that make sense? But on the other hand, I so WANT to believe in God, Heaven, Hell etc… just to know there will be an extraordinary after life waiting for me where I could potentially see my loved ones. As a scientist, what does your husband thinks happen when you die?

  • David says:

    I used to feel like this, due to be belief it was all pointless. I’ll die eventually and then it really doesn’t matter what i do.
    Then a friend showed me some stuff about near death experiences and some of the theory, One consistent thing ALL people who have NDE’s is that they feel this rising or expansion of consciousness, a feeling of contentedness and well being. This is NOT due to low oxygen levels in the brain, People with 0 eeg activity and on like support (oxygenated brain) have experienced this also.

    Consciousness is not explainable by physics yet and there is level of evidence that doesn’t make it unreasonable to believe there is something after. It’s not certain but it’s a distinct possibility.

    So work with the assumption it’s true, that this is your only chance at THIS life, and make the most of it, meet as many people as you can make as many friends as you can because they’ll probably be there with you. Fall in love and live.

    It made the world of difference to me.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    David,

    Thanks for writing.
    I agree, love and live sounds like great advice!

  • Holly says:

    I am 21 years old and have suffered an overwhelming fear of death, increasing over recent months. Fretting over the idea of being scared, unprepared, alone.. I have researched NDE’s, toyed with religious views and after reading this site end to end I’ve came to a conclusion. Worrying saves no one.
    I have also seen a strong correlation between age groups and links to depression and anxiety. I have suffered and been medicated for depression previously and I definitely see this as a contributing factor.
    My 91 year old great grandmother told me life takes a finer pace after 50 and you’ll simmer down and enjoy yourself to such an extent that thoughts about the end barely cross your mind.
    I don’t know about an afterlife, religious or ‘paranormal’ although there is astounding evidence to back this up. I’m not sure if this makes me feel better or worse. I just know that what ever is meant to be will be.
    Losing friends and family to the hands of death since the tender age of 11 is bound to impact my thoughts on mortality. I’d now like to believe the hands of death don’t snatch, they cradle.
    I cannot believe how much this site has helped me reflect.
    I have the utmost respect for everyone who has shared feelings or advice and I hope we all find the peace were looking for.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Holly,

    Thank you very much for writing.
    I do agree that worrying doesn’t save anyone. I think reflecting and awareness of your thoughts and fears are two very important things, but at the end of the day, live will be what we make it out to be.

  • Austen Ness says:

    i am 17 years old and for the pass 2 years i have feared death, not knowing what is going to happen, not knowing if i will ever see the people i love and care about again after death. but after reading lots of these comments on this website, it has really made me think differently, its motivated me to actually want to do something with my life, i just wanted to say thank you to all of you that have commented on this and have shared your thoughts on this subject.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Austen,

    Thanks for sharing.
    It makes me glad to hear that reading here is helpful!

  • OS says:

    Hi Robert,
    First of all, really good first post and good job on replying to all of these comments, I think it is great what you’re doing here. This is therapy for many people, I’ve read a bunch of posts and I find comfort.
    I’ve been thinking about death as alot of other people. And I know that we’re all going to die at some point.
    However it’s so frustrating. There is nothing that I can do to stay forever with the people I love my family, my father, my mother, my brother and sister. Lately I have been going crazy at night about this, and I cannot calm myself down. There is no way you can just say: everything will be fine. Eveything wont be fine, that’s just something we say.
    At one point we will all have to leave this world alone, without any loved ones around.
    The feeling that I get when thinking about this is just too overwhelming, how meaningless life is and how we don’t matter.
    How I am just this decaying organic material like everyone else.
    I haven’t been talking about this to anyone, but I think this helps me some. I will probably come back here and try and talk more on this, even if what I am writing now is just rambling.
    I know that I have to leave this world in order for letting other people enjoy this thing we call life.
    Anyway, thanks again for all of these posts all of you.

    I am still young and probably too confused.

    I want to recommend “moby – god moving over the face of waters” it’s really nice. (since i saw other people posting songs).

  • Robert Nyman says:

    OS,

    Thanks for the appreciation, it gladdens me!
    I sincerely hope the reading and sharing here comforts you, and that you will find a way to make the most out of your life.

  • OS says:

    Hi again,
    Thanks for your reply.
    I’ve been looking through your archive and this post seems to have been written kind of from nothing? Alot of “geek” posts, nothing really this existentially bound but then this comes. What was the thought proces? What happened, why did you feel the need to share this with the “geek”-readers.
    It seems like it came kind of out of the blue.

    (don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean geek as a bad thing.)

    Do you think that you’re just the raw flesh beneath your skin? The bones in your body, and the chemical processes in your head?

    I see people recommending speaking of this subject to family and friends. Did you do that, and how did you lead onto the subject?

    best regards

  • Robert Nyman says:

    OS,

    I’ve always mixed more personal posts with writings about web development here, although the web part has definitely been in the majority of articles.

    I’ve discussed my thoughts with families and friends, yes, and I believe it’s great to share with them and also to get their perspective on things.

  • Searching for answers ... says:

    Hi Everyone,
    I came across this website and I typically don’t comment on blogs but I’m currently struggling with the concept of death … As many of you have mentioned, I’m worried about leaving my family, friends and vice versa, I find that I have strong anxiety and worry about this so much so, that it keeps me up at night … I try not to think about it but it’s not that simple … Does this ever go away? I’m at work right now worrying about death when I should be focusing on other things .. please tell me this feeling goes away? I have talked to other’s about it and for the most part they understand and agree to feeling the same way but I don’t know if they think about it like I do … I think the part that scares me the most is that it’s so final and the unknown … Is it true that you deal with it better as you get older? I mean, I’m 28 years old, I have so much life to live and hate that I’m stressing about dying when there is so much more to live for … Any words of wisdom or inspiration would be very helpful :)

  • nat says:

    life and death has also been a concern with me. yes it is a very touchy subject trying to comprehend death and all those after our mortal lives. and speaking of that, this is why we have doubt. i too am a christian man but i feel doubt sometimes and lose faith. but the way to look at life is to recognize the happiness and joy thats ahead for you. yes, there is sadness and fear, but thats what life is. Try to not think too much about death and focus on whats happening rite now. love your family and spend time with them and as you grow, your faith will also grow! take care <3

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Searching for answers,

    Thanks for writing.
    I don’t think that the feeling necessarily goes away, not by itself. But you can choose to focus on other things, and just refrain from giving it too much of your time. Sounds simpler than it is, though – I know.

    nat,

    Thanks for your comment.
    I love the part about recognizing the happiness and joy that is ahead – that is a great mindset!

  • Emily Katie says:

    I am only 14 and was browsing about the fear of death and found this website, i’ve just spent the last half and hour reading through everything on here. I don’t doubt that it is unhealthy for me to fear death at such an age but i am so afraid that when i think of death, quite childishly and simply, i cry with fear. You are reading this, no idea who i am and i am writing on here with no idea who you are. I see through my eyes, my world exists through my eyes and it seems inevitable to see it in any other way, so i am petrified!
    Also the fact that one day…. no one will know i existed, just thinking of it now makes a tear come to my eyes and i mostly think of it at night in bed.
    Am i unhealthy for being so afraid… everyday of my life?
    I am also an ambitious writer and am currently attempting to write a book, i have written a few since i was 11 but they are so deep and people often cry when they read them that i am concerned for my health? I have a great upbringing and am privileged to say i am well off. I would like to think i speak wisely for my age. I’m so confused?
    I turned to religion in order to attempt to be comforted but hence, my family are agnostic! I feel so depressed. Is this normal for a 14 year old girl? Or am i… emotionally unstable? Sorry if i sound stupid.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Emily,

    Thanks for writing.
    I think it’s good to think about things such as existence, and contemplate the things we know and the things we fear.

    Writing and reading sad things is one thing, but the important thing is that you don’t let the fear take over and control your life. Discuss and channel your thoughts about death, but also make sure to enjoy life and existing as much as you can. Because both you and the world deserves that.

  • Dear Robert:
    Thanks for the your neat site. I worried so much as a kid about all that bad stuff. My Dad was a religious but well-humored, wonderful man from Poland who had unshakeable faith in God. The day he died he asked to speak to all his kids one by one and was even joking the day of his death when his breathing was getting short, stating , “I’m waiting to go, but he (Jesus) won’t let me!” He read the newspaper that day and had a happy time with family and friends. He had no fear at all. When his breaths were getting shorter he asked to see his prayer book and started praying and then later on in the night went into a coma. Seeing someone die in such a beautiful faithful way makes you believe that there is really a God and something good on the other side. My Dad never did me wrong – he was a beautiful, good man. I felt there was no way he was mistaken about all that. It must have been real! The priest that gave my father his last rites from the Polish parish said he believed my Dad was a saint and that we could pray to him as one. God Bless all.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    bashia,

    Thank you very much for sharing that beautiful story about your father!

  • Jake says:

    well its been awhile since i posted on here
    the good news is i havnt scared myself into tachycardia for awhile kinda lost the thought of death for a few weeks then just out of nowhere the thought came into my mind and braught back all the old thoughts and fears with it
    been up all night thinking about death again i just cant seem to get it out of my mind and if i do it always comes back…its kinda bad that my own thoughts are enough to scare me more then any scary movie or anyone eles ever has
    i am currently 16 and the thought of death and if theres anything after has been haunting me since i was around 12 when me and one of my close friends just started talking and the “what do u think comes after death” question came up i hadnt thought about it much..well at all befor then we got to talking about it and he insisted that there was nothing after. It started to make sence after awhile but i was determined to find out and for 4 years ive come up with absolutly nothing ive done research on NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES and OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCES but nothing really sadisfys me i mean anyone can say that they’ve had one..:: example i could go out and post somewhere use here as an example and say ohh yeah ive been legally dead befor and i what i remember is having total peace at mind and i saw heaven and whatever eles but then again i dont beleave that we were made by one cell that turned into a human and animals because even if that were true what are the odds of there being more then one male and female evolved within 100 years apart within traveling distance with no sence of direction finding eachother.Also i dont see a point in any laws forbidding anything i say if somethings going to die anyways let them do what they want to do when they want to do it. i personally dont really see a point in life at all if your going to die to me the whole thing is pointless and all basicly a waste of time

  • Jennifer says:

    I have the same feelings as everyone on this page. I think most people in the world do. I have also done lots of research on near death experiences, and they occassionally give me hope, but the fear and doubt is still there.

    Jake: I know you questioned that NDE’s can be made up by people, and I agree that’s a possibility, but not likely according to the studies I’ve been reading. I’m in the middle of a research book about NDE’s in children and the researcher is actually a doctor who consults with patients immediately after their experiences. There are also adult studies like this as well. So there are lots of documented cases that are told to the researchers even while they are recovering in the hospital, which makes the likelihood of lying less likely.

    I’m unsure of what to make of NDE’s because I don’t yet know if it is something that happens in the brain or a real spiritual event, but the out of body experiences that are confirmed as accurate are very interesting to me.

    I also had an experience after my grandmother died where I woke up to find a figure sitting over my bed watching me. I think it was her. Sometimes I hold onto that. I guess we won’t know until we die, but I do think that there is circumstantial evidence for an afterlife that needs to be looked into and is being researched right now.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Jennifer,

    Thank you for sharing. It is very interesting comparing experiences and all the things people have shared and been through.

  • victoria says:

    I believe that everyone is born with fear of the unknown and that pretty much everyone is afraid of the nothingness, if you will, after death. Personally i am terrified of death and the thought of not being with my family and my soulmate and not having my thoughts and my conciousness. After reading through this website i found myself thinking of something i believe that no one else has ever brought to my attention.
    Clearly we all fear death here. Some more or less, but we all fear death. Maybe its not all fear of death but an anxiety of having two completely opposite possibilities. 1) nothingness 2) afterlife, heaven, reincarnation, etc. If someone i knew and trusted could prove to me that there is nothingness after death then i wouldn’t be afraid (and obviously if s/he could prove that there is afterlife then i wouldnt be afraid either). I don’t know about all of you but i wouldnt be spending my time fearing the nothingness after death. I may feel sad or shocked or whatever the feeling may be but fear wouldnt quite be it. I think that i could possibly eventually accept it and be at peace with it. Because we are stuck with different options, we are afraid, uneasy, unsure, and curious. This is the unknown, which we fear.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    victoria,

    Thanks for writing.
    I think you are right, and for everyone I believe it is about acceptance and coming to terms with it.

  • jake says:

    way easier said then done i really really wish i could just accept it i don’t think i ever will
    just the concept that we’re born to die
    anything befor life or after death means nuthing
    and everything in between wont madder after death
    not like us normal people are gunna be remembered for anything (with the exception of ur close family and friends)<–this also means your never really truly dead until everyone who knows you has died aswell

  • Robert Nyman says:

    jake,

    Way easier said than done, and that’s the challenge for all of us.

  • Bledi says:

    I’m 29 years old. It’s been 13 years that I’ve been thinking about death. It’s more frightening to just think how fast years have past. But during this time I’ve experienced 2 faces of this intense feeling. At the begining I was so much into this that it almost killed me. As a matter of fact I was about to commit suicide (8 years ago) but it was only the thought of hurting my beloved that prevented me from doing that at the last moment. I passed 1 month in a hospital even though I was sure of no mental illness. The psychiatrist I met there was one of only few who really understood my thoughts and feelings and this was a huge relief for me. He made me read ‘Myth of Sisyphus’ where I found that I was not alone in the world. Since that time I’ve always been willing to improve my life and to find hope in things I do. I’m still thinking of death but somehow I’ve learnt to cope with it. When I think of my past I see how different I was and how I’ve evolved over time. For sure this will go on for the rest of my life and in my opinion this changes are kind of death and rebirth. So when the time comes it will be the next step of a continuing cycle. No one has to worry about that. Our conscience begins the time we come to life and ends the time we go. No one has ever worried why don’t we remember things before we were born. Why should we do that after we’re gone? I think thats a realistic way to approach the subject. So lets keep going on and live our life with the good and bad things it brings us. The UNKNOW is the real meaning behind our life.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Bledi,

    Thank you for sharing!
    I really appreciate hearing your story, your background and how it has changed you over time.

  • ammar says:

    the solve about death and go to heaven its in islim so read about it and you will understand why we here in life

  • Robert Nyman says:

    ammar,

    There are many beliefs and faiths in the world, and that is one of many.

  • Martin says:

    I’m 21 years old. Since my sister died when I was 5, death seems to have always been in my life. Constantly in the back of my mind, I can never seem to ignore these thoughts. I found this site when looking for some kind of relief to my endless thinking, and I don’t think what you said could have been expressed any more gracefully. I’ve taken comfort in what many have said, and applaud you for your responses.

    Being afraid of death is exhausting. I have little fear of my own death, my greatest anxiety lies with my family members dying (mostly my immediate family, how can I continue on without my parents? The more I think about it, the more I think I will be incapable.). Within the past year have come to the realization of how short life really is, and it feels like I am always bracing for impact. It’s a very uncomfortable and upsetting feeling that the ones you love at some point won’t be with you and you have very little control.

    One of my struggles with coming to terms with dying was having to learn that I don’t have the upper hand. I’m not in control of who lives and who dies and when it will happen. The only thing within my power is to try to enjoy what time I’m blessed with and make it better for others while we’re here. In the night time, when it’s dark and everyone’s in bed asleep, it’s much harder to think rationally and the panic attacks begin once again.

    Does anyone have any advice on how to somehow keep these feelings at bay? It’s so nice to know that I’m not the only one with these thoughts,

    Thanks,
    Mart

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Martin,

    Thank you very much for sharing!
    I’m really sorry to hear about your sister and it must be really hard to go through something like that.

    I think, like you say, all we can do is be kind to our loved ones, spend time with them and make sure we don’t just stress away and miss the really important parts of life.

    When you are alone, especially at night time, it definitely can creep up on you. For me, I focus on all the good things I have in life and how good life really can be. I focus on happiness and opportunities, because that’s all we can do.

  • Joanne says:

    My husband committed suicide in September 2010, I walked into the house & found him hanging. It was the worst day of my life & I thought I was going to die in that moment. I have always been afriad of death & seeing my husband dead in is worst form was heartbreaking & I will never get over it. I have considered suicide myself as I don;t think I can live with the pain of never seeing him again for the rest of my life, but again I am still afraid of death. Its all I think about, I research it almost every night, have constant panic attaks, I think im slowly dying just on a daily basis with feeling the way I do.Not nice feeling this way everyday & as much as I try to block it out, I cant…… I have 2young beautiful children whom I adore, but I find it hard to look at them & know that one day I will have to tell them the awful truth about their dad. It was so unexpected & so drastic & I try everyday to make sense of it & I cant. The shock, guilt, realisation, anger, hopelessness, heartbreak eats away at me everyday….I need him so much.

    I truely hope that there is life after death, I pray there is, as its too upsetting to think that is it, I need to see my husband again, to say all the things I never had chance to say. How I will die, the process & the thereafter scares me silly & I think & worry about it everyday….Think its cruel that we are put on earth to die & not know if there is anything at the other end…I dnt want to come back, only as me as I am now & the same loved ones, & a happy ending, or eternity in heaven with them all…..A question we all want answering, but have to go through the petrifying dying process to find out…..

  • Anthony says:

    Wow. Like everyone else on here I wondered how many people are afraid of death. I am 33 and it scares me how fast time goes now. It’s seriously scary. A year goes so fast. I see other people around me aging also. I see myself aging. I try to enjoy every day now as opposed to when I was younger and took it for granted. I definitely think there is an afterlife. There has to be. How? Just do some research on people’s experiences with people who passed away from this life. It’s crazy. Not crazy as in bad…but just how can you not see that death is simply the end of our normal “life.” Ever seen Ghost Hunters? Yeah I know…people will say its’ all staged. It’s not. People actually live after death. How many people do you personally know who have had “crazy” things happen that made them realize that someone they know is around them after they passed away? I know a ton. They aren’t making it up and certainly aren’t “stretching” to make it seem real. It is real.

    Now if you don’t believe me and think I make no sense that’s fine. But think about a few scientific things also. It is known by science that matter can not cease to exist. It must transform. Every scientist on earth would agree with this. We are all matter. Therefore, we can not cease to exist. We must transform.

    One more thing. I’m not overly religious but in 7th grade a priest explained death to us and it totally made sense to me. It still does to this day. He said. “People don’t die. The body is like the wrapping on a gift. The soul is the actual gift. The body dies which is the wrapping on the gift. The gift itsself is the soul. That is the person you talk to, the personality, etc. You merely see them in that form as a body. But the person you talk to and know and care for is all coming from inside that wrapping (the body) in the form of the soul. The soul does not die. Therefore, nobody actually dies.”

    Eh…you can say I’m full of it if you want :). I just wanted to share my thoughts on the subject. You can combat anything you wish.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Joanne,

    Thank you very much for writing. I am very very sorry to hear about your husband, and I can’t imagine what it must be like for you.

    I understand it must be very hard, but try to focus on your children: to help, support and be there for them. And also, seeing a professional for counseling is probably a good thing to do too.

    Anthony,

    Thanks for sharing.
    You might very well be right! I did also like the analogy about the wrapping and the gift. :-)

  • Joanne says:

    September 2011 actually, minds in a fog, forgfet we have just gone into a new year…..gets worse everyday. The thought that I will NEVER see his face again, not asked the questions I need answering & worst of all never been able to tell him how much I loved him…..
    I know I will never be the same person again, & depression is hard to deal with, I have a vague idea of how he was feeling now as I am feeling low enough to condsider the same fate…..
    I have always thought about death & been scared of it since I was about 7years old, after this its all I think about every second of the day, wondering what happens at the moment of death, during death & after death…..also they say if you commit suicide you will go to hell, thats if there is an afterlife & that bothers me greatly???
    Think death is prob the best way to go…u dnt have to deal with your own emotions then!!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Joanne,

    I can imagine it’s terrible. Like I stated above, try to focus on your children, and also on seeing a professional to talk about this and explain in detail how you feel.

  • carla says:

    Its conforting to know that other ppl are going through something as what i am going trough. My fear beagan when i was 9 years old thats when my dad passed away. I knew ppl would die but i didnt really understand it tillthat summer after my dad passed away. Since school kept me busy when i wasnt going to school (summer breaks and weekends) i would constantly think about dying. My mom never got any help for me and i kinda just forgot about it all together. I was in such a hurry to turn 18 and graduating high school and going off to college and turning 21. I am 23 and when i was younger and would think of me at age 23 i always thought about already having a career and in the process of gettting married. Even though i always kept myself busy i have suffered with anxiety and depresiion but not the “im scared of dying” depression just sad over other stuf.. recently when i watch tv shows about earth and about death (the kind that come out on the history and national geographic channel) i would freak out. But i would take a xanax and calm down. Just before my 23 bday a friend of mine passed away in a really bad car accident. After thatg i realized how short life was. A couple of weeks ago i got very depreseed over being single. I miss being in a relationshi. I hated my job amd i quit. Being at home made me even more depressed then the thoughts about death came again. Im so afraid of dying i cant sleep. I cant eat. I cant do anything. I cry all day and i hate when its night and to think of another day coming so fast. Im scared my mom will pass away or my brothers or their kids..i read online trying to find an answer im going to church and i just dont know what to do.. i know being at home doesnt help but i cant do anything else.. im terrified of dying. What if we are like a computer once it shuts down it shuts down. I pray and pray to go to send me a sign that he exists and i have yet to find it. I want to believe there is something else out there. The thought of sleeping forever is too much for me to handle. I really need help. I have no health insurance so i dont know where to turn. Can someone please help me. Anxiety and depresiion anre consuming my life. I try taking xanax but not even doubling to dosage helps anymore. Please someone help me!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    carla,

    Thanks for writing.
    I’m sorry to hear about your situation and the things you are going through. I believe that with mankind, we need things to focus on and work with, to keep our minds from occupying themselves with thoughts they most likely can’t solve – like the thoughts about dying.

    I think, if possible, getting a job and being around other people would really help in that aspect. And try to see if there are any local support groups where you live, where you might be able to talk to other who share the same feelings.

  • Evalina says:

    I know how you feel I am scared of death to I just wish there could be a “Life after death” I don’t want to die I wanna live forever. I will not be scared of death only if I know their is a life after death and that I will be able to talk or at least be conchis. I am 13 years old every time I think of death I cry I cry until someone or something distracts me sometimes as the days go by I think of death and I wanna cry I don’t wanna leave this world I don’t want my body to stop moving I don’t wanna stop breathing I can’t I just can’t die….I don’t believe in god but if thats what it takes to go to heaven after I die I will say their is a god ! Please help me I need to know if their is a god and a heaven. But I know no one can prove that cause no living person has died so….sadly I guess I’ll just have to see what happens. :'(

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Evalina,

    Thanks for sharing.
    I understand your feelings and they are very hard to deal with. Like you say, there is no proof or evidence. All we can do is to see all the wonderful things that we have here in life and make the most out of it.

  • jeff phillips says:

    I’ve read all the comments on this site and it’s just sad. I feel bad for folks with this overwhelming fear. I guess I’m just luckey. I’ve come to terms with this age old fear. Of course I’d like to live forever, but the evidence shows otherwise. If there is a life after death, a good life, I will embrace it. However, if there is nothing after this wonderfull life we all have here and now, the fear will be gone. After all, how afaid were you in 1850? The point is, enjoy your life every day and treat your fellow man in the best way you know how. If you live in that way, you will have had a succsefull and meaningfull life.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    jeff,

    Thanks for writing.
    I’m happy that you have found a peaceful state of mind, and I wish you the best!

  • Justin808 says:

    Hi everyone!

    I am quite glad that I found this online. I too share the same fear at night of lying in bed, thinking about the imploding of the universe, my final breath, what happens when that last bit of life runs through my body? I haven’t read all the posts but I believe that the thought of death is scary because it seems so…final. It just seems that the older we get time seems to be flying by more quickly. It seems like yesterday I was just a little boy going out to play with my friends without a care in the world. All my relatives were alive and we always had a grand old time during the holidays. As they all started passing one by one, the thought of mortality never really settled in until recently. I am not religious in any way save for me believing that there must be someone watching as I believe that I should not be here today from some of the things I used to do in high school. Religion aside, the thought of an afterlife and my past relatives greeting me at death’s door may provide some comfort in my days here on this crazy planet. In any case I think I will try to embrace and accept the facts and see hope that it will help. Thank you all for allowing me to share my thoughts and fears and I wish everyone on this board an exciting, fulfilling and a long time here on Earth.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Justin808,

    Thanks for sharing.
    I really like the idea of meeting your relatives at the end of your life!

  • Katie says:

    Though I’m not religious, I do believe in a soul and an afterlife. Many people don’t believe in a soul or afterlife simply just because it doesn’t seem logical. But really, is life logical? The fact that a sperm and an egg suddenly become a walking, talking, and thinking human, does that really make sense? No. Also, even though you cannot see things, doesn’t mean that they aren’t there. You can’t see your soul, but it’s still there. For example, you can’t see wind, but you know it’s there because you can feel it. You can feel your soul every second of every day. (:

    Death does freak me out a bit, mostly just losing my parents and friends, but I’m confident that we’ll be alright. I doubt that just science and heaping piles of muscle tissue are what makes us who we are. We’re so much more than that. I think that though death is scary, it’ll be an adventure. I know that there isn’t just ‘nothing’ after. When I was very little, before I even knew what death was, my grandmother passed away. I had a dream of her traveling the world [in a ghost like fashion], and then departing through the sky.

    Since I had no concept of death, I couldn’t have made this dream up to comfort myself. Which is why I think that it’s a sign that I’ll see her again and we’ll go to an even better place, maybe even come back here after we visit that place.

    I hope I could comfort some of you, I’m quite young [13(:] but I hope I’ll be able to put some of your fears to rest.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Katie,

    Thanks for writing!
    I hope it is the way you describe it, that there is something more. I think you are absolutely right that we try to apply logic to life and death, but they are far beyond what we can comprehend.

  • Paul says:

    Robert,

    Thank you for starting this thread; to know one is not alone when the “waves” hit me will surely be incredibly comforting. As many before have posted, the attacks seemed to start at an unjustly young age and have been persistently following me through life.

    I seem to have some kind of split approach with respect to death. At times it seems I’m almost complacent with my mortality, as if I’m a torch carrier linking a generation. I suppose in a way, that is exactly what we are.

    However despite any convincing justification, that terrible anxiety is just so strong at times. I only hope that my acceptance will improve with age, as I have also read here.
    Again, thanks to Robert and everyone else for the comfort!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Paul,

    Thanks for sharing.
    I like the analogy of being torch carriers and yes, that’s probably exactly what we are.

    I do hope you get comfort in seeing that you are far from alone in this, and that you will find good advice among all the comments here.

  • Dawn Austin says:

    I am a nurse and I worked in hospice for a while. I loved it, people appeared so peaceful after they died. I’ve always had an acceptance of death…However, lately, I do not know exactly what I am going through but I am feeling totally scared of dying. Maybe I am having a mid-life crisis or something?? I am 41. There’s lots of living I still want to do. Maybe the economy and world times are wearing on me, I don’t know.
    When I think about it, truthfully, there isn’t anything we can do about it, so why do we worry about it? We are all in this together, none of us can escape death.
    Someone wrote that death appearing in a dream could be a symbolism of change. Maybe thinking about death a lot lately, just means a change is going to occur. I am not sure but its nice to read what is posted here and connect with people who are having some of the same thoughts.
    I hope their is an afterlife. Living is so amazing. Why can’t death be amazing too?

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Dawn,

    Thanks for sharing.
    Living is amazing indeed. But, if it’s any comfort, we don’t know about death – perhaps what happens then is even more amazing?

  • Layl Noor says:

    Dear Robert,
    First I would like to thank you for starting this blog, somehow it calms all of us who searched the words to find out who else is affraid of death, and here we all are. Looking at the comments, I’m assuming we are about almost 300 people around the world who have replied to your/our fear of dying, so we are definately not alone in this. Then, I would like to congratulate you for still making it to 2012, we are still here afraid or fearless. So I would like to ask you, how do you feel now, compare to 6 years ago?

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Layl,

    Thanks for writing, and for asking!
    Yeah, hard to believe it’s almost 6 years ago I wrote this… :-)

    Overall, I’d say I feel pretty good about things. I have a lot of things in my life that definitely makes like fantastic, and life is an amazing thing. I have my dark times, as most people, but overall I don’t want to waste my life worrying about dying all the time – I want to live it to the fullest!

  • Beth says:

    When I saw this post, I didn’t hold out hope that people would still be commenting, but I’m so glad they are! The last couple of weeks have been extremely stressful, and I find myself thinking about death constantly. I try to imagine eternal nothingness, and I experience my anxiety disorder like never before.

    I am comforted by reading about quantum physics and mechanics, since they both point to the idea that the world is not just materialistic. I would venture to guess that a greater than average number of quantum scientists believe in “something” after death, since in the quantum world, the material is only one part of the story.

    I have been talking with friends and family about this fear (It’s worse at night and makes it difficult to sleep despite the fact that I am a healthy 33-year-old woman.) I also see a therapist about my anxiety. The put it out of your head advice is only marginally helpful. Instead, I find that I need to confront what’s making me fear death now. Going through a lot of transitions at once has definitely exacerbated it. I want to live a full and happy life. I want to find joy again. And I want to get a good night’s sleep! This thread has been a blessing, because in the whole experience, the hardest part was feeling isolated by my fear. Knowing that this is part of being human and that there are others out there struggling makes it a little easier.

    Good luck to everyone who is dealing with this issue and thank you Robert for continuing to engage with commenters.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Beth,

    Thanks for sharing.
    I’m really happy to hear that you find comfort in reading this! I think each and everyone needs to look into what they believe helps them in facing the fear. In your case, to me it sounds like a natural reaction to a time of transitions, when it becomes common to question bigger things in life.

    Good luck with it all!

  • mark says:

    very insightful look on life right your words have helped calm the fear a little bit but i believe there gotta be something at the end of the road i am not a science person but i know matter cannot be created nor destroyed so that gives me hope

  • Robert Nyman says:

    mark,

    Hope what you read here helps.

  • Joseph says:

    I’m not one to normally do this kind of thing, expressing my feelings and such, but I think I’m in the same boat as a lot of people on this page.

    About 2 weeks ago, whilst trying to sleep, my mind decided to tackle the subject of ‘Death’. As I lay there I was trying to comprehend what exactly happens once I was dead and for the life of me I could not think of anything. I just could not picture ‘me’ not existing and even trying to….that thought terrified me more in thoose few minutes then I have ever been in my entire 24 years of life. I instantly broke out into a cold sweat, I could hear my heart pounding in my ears and my whole body was overcome with the most intense feeling of ‘pins and needles’. Not the pain part of it, just the sensation.

    2 weeks on and my mind still insists on pulling this damned subject up at the most odd moments. From sitting on the toilet to playing with my niece, every time I’m thinking of death I experience the same feelings of intense terror and nausea. And it is almost everyday now. It is making me miserable!!

    I personally think most people’s fear of death is the inability to comprehend ‘not being’. It is certainly the case for me. I now find myself in envy of all thoose religous people I used to despise. Not ALL religous people, just the really pushy sort who seem to be on a mission to shove it down your throat or/and interrogate you at your front door. Atleast they have a comfort in believing their ‘souls’ will be somwhere after they cease to exist physically.

    I had a doctors appointment two days ago, I discussed it with him and luckily he took me seriously and has arranged for me to see a therapist at the end of this month who will, hopefully, be able to bring me soom measure of peace.

    I don’t exactly know what this website is but you’ve given me the chance to ‘write’ this down and, even if no one reads this, it has made me feel a hell of a lot better. So to whoever owns this website: Thank you, I really appreciate it.

    On a side note: Does anyone else find the thought of living forever equally terrifying? And a quick apology for my poor grammer, paragraphing etc

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Joseph,

    Thanks for writing.
    I think many people can relate to that turn of events, when you for some reason start thinking about it and then it just goes on from that.

    Glad you’ll get to see a therapist and I hope it will be a good discussion!

    Living forever definitely has fear connected to it too, so it’s hard to find any ultimate solution for it.

  • Shashank says:

    Dear Joseph,
    I have been following this thread from last 1 year. First of all I would like to thank everyone here for sharing their thoughts on fear of dying and Death. This thread has helped me immensely in knowing that I am not the only one with this fear. Whenever I get this fear, I go through this thread and it gives me kind of reassurance that my fears are shared by many others also. The kind of reassurance, understanding, insight that I have got from this thread has helped me a lot in overcoming fear of dying.

    Beside this there are some good books which have helped me in understanding Death. I am listing few of them below:

    1. Osho The Death – The greatest fiction
    2. Osho – From Death to Deathlessness
    Many other Lectures / discourses of Osho on Death and Living

    I have a special inclination towards Books on Taoism by Osho, who says Death is not a negative thing but Death supplements Life to make it as whole. According to Taoism complementary things completes each other. One is not inferior to other. Somehow I have started trusting through my increased understanding, thinking, analysis, awareness and reading many books on life, death and living that there is some higher power beyond our understanding which cannot be comprehended through our limited small brain. This higher power / consciousness, you call God or whatever controls the natural laws of the Universe through which our life moves. I have started trusting in something beyond my understanding. When I see the beautiful objects around me like a beautiful flower, a beautiful animal, our own human body my intelligent mind fails to understand who has created all these beautiful things. The complexity and the beauty that surrounds us, baffle me to accept the divinity. I have read the Darwin’s theory of evolution and few books by Richard Dawkins (Blind Watchmaker) but they all failed to convince me of the immaculate, precise almost perfect creation of this world. I am astounded, baffled, and in complete awe and praise, I accept this divinity and trust that whoever has given me this great life will take it from me in a graceful manner. Trust is what I give you here. Thx for reading till here. Forgive me for spell mistakes and if I don’t make sense to you.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Shashank,

    Thanks for your comment.
    I’m really happy to hear this thread is helpful to you! I also appreciate the book suggestions!

    It is indeed a wonderful, magical and beautiful world. We don’t need to understand it, just enjoy our time in it to the fullest.

  • Cash says:

    I am desperately seeking an answer on how to cope with my Thantrophobia. I have been uncomfortable with death and dying in general since I was a little girl, as far back as I can remember. I used to believe in god when I was very young; I tried several religions and none of them except Buddhism seemed real or practical enough, however I just simple do not have the obedience it takes to be a buddhist; although I wish I had. I used to pray to god every night and I truely wanted to believe but something in my gut and my heart even then was telling me that it was not right. I believe death is what we are before we are born. Non exisiting, never was. We are born to die and we all die to live, and thi contradiction boggles me. Essencially, I am not afraid of dying, I am afraid of living and not remembering why. I am prone to depression, and I always have been ever since my bad childhood began when I was 5 years old. I was melested by my uncle and my cousin, my mothers boyfriend tried to shoot her in the head infront of me when I was 10, I was raped by a coworker when I was 17 and my friend Riely hung hisself when I was 14; he was only 15 years old and felt his only way of escaping his dads abuse was to die. I could go on and on about the tragic events in my life, but to be honest, through all those events up until Riely’s suicide, I was a pretty decent, normal, happy, outgoing child, who still prayed for things to get better and always attempted to find the good in the situation not focus on the bad and be happy even if I was truely upset just to spare the spritelyness of others. But.. as I got older, and my life did not seem to worsen but yet not get any better, I realised that I didn’t understand why I was praying to someone I had no reason to believe in. No matter how behaved I was, or how much I prayed, I only seemed to receive the bad things. I know there are many people worse off then I am, but that is another reason why I do not believe in god. You see I think the reason I am so afraid is because I know in my heart that when we die, we become nothing and loose everything, it seems so unfair, why do we get to experience something so great that just one day without your approval or knowlegde, just .. stops? It does not seem right to me. There has to be something more, but the lack of evidence dampens my hope severely. :( This has been such an irritating dibihlitating and perpectual sickness I have been trapped by for too long. I cant live one day without thoughts of death, sometimes it makes me so depressed that I think maybe it would be easier to just face my fear the only way possible, which is to die. I would never kill myself, especially since I have an amazing daughter, however I used to wish I had the courage to do so, even now sometimes I wish for it. I have attempted suicide when I was very young but someone saved me who loved me very much and I am going to probably marry this man one day. All that aside, you see my perdicament, I live with this interfearence to my daily life and I am tired of it, I don’t want to waste my life worrying about when it will end and why. But I have tried antidepressents which helped but not enough, and counsellors, but nothing seemed to ease me enough for a comfortable state, so I figured maybe just talking to people about similar worries would help. It’s worth a shot.

  • Sheena says:

    Thank you so much for starting this discussion. Sorry for replying to this old thread, and also if this comes out as nonsensical:

    Sometimes, I wish I were religious. For some reason, I have made myself believe that being religious can make some of the thoughts and feelings go away. That, if I believed in God, I could speak to Him and He would hear me, and maybe that would make the reality of things easier to bear. That I could ask for a sign and He would bring forth one.

    Because right now, I am terrified. I am terrified of what I don’t know. Terrified of death, and this fear seems to always linger. This feeling is strongest when I am under the influence, which I know has something to do with how strong the feeling is. But even when I am not under the influence, it lingers. The idea of being and then just not. Of having life and just being gone, with people mourning for you, and everyone else just going on with their lives. The thought has made me pseudo-suicidal, as if there is no point in anything I do if I am going to die anyway, so why even bother?
    Why watch these characters on television, pretending to be other people. Why buy this? It seems so trivial sometimes.

    Luckily, this fear (and the love I have for my husband) keeps me from acting on anything, but it also makes me wish I had acted on it during my Softmore year of high-school, the 05′-06′ year (I am 22 now), when I was suicidal and depressed, getting high whenever I could and not caring.. But again, my husband makes me glad I didn’t, since he always says how happy he is he met me and what if he hadn’t.

    I just wish these thoughts would go away.

    Sometimes I feel as if I am cursing myself by thinking about it so much, that thinking about it will make it happen faster.

    Sometimes, people will say “Well most people die in their sleep” That we do not really see death coming. But to me, that is just as scary as knowing.
    (Speaking of which, has anyone seen the Nickelback video ‘Savin Me’? It features people with countdown clocks above their heads, representing when they will die, and only one guy can see them (as well as the person watching the music video), but he can’t see his own . Perhaps give it a look? Sorry if this was already mentioned.)

    A part of me wonders if we are not meant to understand death, because that is outside of the realm of reality as we know it, so our minds simply won’t allow it to be understood, like a paradox.

    Even the fact that this comment I am writing will most likely be here after I die is scary.

    So I guess all one can really do is “Distract” or “Live life to the fullest” because “Thinking about it is a waste” but that almost makes me feel like I am in denial. That I am just trying to keep myself from facing it.

    As it has been said before, I wish there were some sort of sign from the beyond. That maybe the person I am closest to in my life will be able to tell me that there is something. That we do not fully understand the universe, and there are still things about our own bodies we do not understand. But in my own mind, it is hard for me to believe in there being anything more, when you see the lifeless bodies on T.V. or watch an episode of Snapped when a woman kills someone and they are on trial. That person they killed, they are gone, people will mourn, we will be no more, and if someone is on trial for that it makes me think there must not be an afterlife, or else murder would not be seen as such a bad thing, if one were killed, just like the Death with Dignity thing or a woman who wants to spare her husband the pain of cancer and kills him.

    A part of me hopes we will learn more, but the part of me that doesn’t hope that worries about what we will find out.

  • Martha says:

    1. I had a therapist tell me that fear of death is really a fear of living. 2. Sometimes I tell myself that I didn’t ask to be put here on earth, and that takes away the fear of dying. 3. I try think of my body as being separate from my mind and my emotions. Picturing each part as separately not being here isn’t as scary as thinking of them all as one and not being here.

    I hope this makes sense and might be helpful to some.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Cash,

    Thank you for sharing. I’m really sorry to hear about your background and what have happened to you in your life. I believe, or rather hope, that there is a bigger meaning somehow. That all the things we share and experience means something.

    All we can do, that we can wrap our heads around, is being nice to each other and try to make sure that everyone’s life is as good as they can be. As a parent too, I believe what I can teach my children and pass on to to them is the curiosity, courage and kindness for their own sake and to bring to other people in the world.

    Sheena,

    Thank you for writing. Personally, I don’t think thinking about is a waste – I believe it’s important to think about our existence and live. But, i do believe if we let these thoughts, or fear if you will, own us and steal away to much of our lives or time, that’s not optimal either.

    Life in itself is an amazing thing that we can’t explain. We can do religious or scientific guesses, but we know nothing about the overall thing. i think the same thing goes for death, that it is beyond our comprehension.

    In my humble opinion, yes, thinking about it is good, but distraction and focus on living is just as important.

    Martha,

    Thanks for sharing, and for the advice. The way I see my own fear, though, is not fear about living, but rather a fear of losing the wonderful thing living actually is.

  • tim-tam says:

    I wish I could be the person who had that magical answer to THE most
    puzzling,unanswerable fears since time began. Unfortunately, I’m like
    you all.
    I asked about death when I was quite young and was told “why do you
    care?. No-one will remember you or care. You will be rotting in the ground”. That was the answer my mother gave.
    I have internalised everything and tried to rationalise every bad, negative thought to such a point that I am now a shell of what I may have been.
    I think that watching my own grandmother constantly talking about dying because of some new illness she has has made me consumed with death. not so much the afterwards, for me, it is being told ” you
    are dying”. It really does take ones breath away and turns your insides to water. I fear body pains are more than body pains, sore throats are something more sinister and that they will lead to that awful “prognosis” of death by dying.
    The thing is though, I’m not really living!
    Like all of you, I don’t want to just exist or be: I want to thrive and feel that somehow my very small insignificant existence meant somthing to even one person.
    Egotistic?probably. Irrational? Yeah. I think I want to be not just heard, but sympathised with. I know there are no cures for dying.
    I wish I disn’t have to take medication after medication to numb my
    fear. I wish there was a window or portal into the unknown. i wish for
    so many things.

    I’m 38 and though I fear dying, I really should fear not living as that is what is robbing me of my existence.
    And that is not fair on my three awesome children, my husband and
    myself.
    I don’t think any of us would be happy even if told we would live til we were 99. We’d still be waiting and asking “how,what day, where?”
    I will get up tomorrow, like you and try to make the best of the day
    bad thoughts and all.
    Cry if you need to. Don’t be afraid to laugh and like I say to my kids:
    no matter how bad your day may seem:, somewhere in the world right
    now some poor soul is suffering more.
    i hope you all can find your own sense of peace. Even if it is for 5 minutes.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    tim-tam,

    Thank you for sharing.
    I believe you are absolutely right: no matter how much you fear dying, you don’t ever want it to steal away your life and abilitiy to live to the fullest.

    The thing we can control is making sure that our lives, and for the people around us, is as great as it possibly can be.

  • meg says:

    I remember as a child I began to realize that we don’t live forever that at some point we all face the end. At the time it wasn’t such a big deal i cried but i moved past it . But now as i am getting older and those who I’ve known since childhood are passing, and it scares me more then i ever admit to those around me . At times it just pops into my mind the thoughts of life stopping and I am in the moment of “I’m scared’. I understand completely where your coming from, especially as you have a family .

  • Robert Nyman says:

    meg,

    Thanks for sharing.
    Yes, I guess it comes and goes for most people, and it is definitely a challenge to try and handle it in the best way.

  • Zara says:

    This has been such an interesting read. I share similar fears. I am currently pregnant and I believe that might perhaps be the reason why my fear seems to have heightened so much. The unconditional love I feel for my little one, my husband and my parents seem to intensify this fear. I guess what I’m really afraid of is not knowing what there is. If there is perhaps an after life, the question lingers whether I would get to see the people I love, and if not how lost I’d feel then. But I try to find comfort in the fact that my fear resides with me because of the immense love I feel, same as you Robert and that brings happiness and contentment to my thoughts:) because we are capable of loving that much, and that surely is a good thing.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Zara,

    Thanks for writing.
    And I think you are right: so much love and so many things to love for, condensed in feelings, can probably lead to the fear of missing out on something so wonderful!

  • tracynz says:

    Thanks so much for you site Robert! I am 40 and i have always had a fear of death and the beyond, the thought of being nothing is just to much for me to handle! I am a christian taught hell fire and brimstone but due to experiences i believe now jesus came to save all mankind and not just a few people (if interested in this google Tentmaker) How i came to this is I would be considered a bad christain as i smoke drink live with a man i am not officially married to etc etc but i learnt its about the heart and how we treat people that matters the most not outward acts but inward acts of the heart! Just one thing that i have to remind myself to have faith when i doubt is when i was going threw a divorce i was extremely depressed and wanted to die each day i remember crying out to god saying I wish i was never born but i couldnt end my life as i had 4 young sons to raise and couldnt do that to them, deep in my pit or hell of dispair a quiet voice inside me said you will be ok tracy, a lovng voice it was, its weird knowing that i did want to die then when i was so low but still have fear now, i choose to believe that was gods quiet still voice that night! But even with my faith i still have this fear, i hope that one day I can overcome this and have a good peaceful death experience and have hope that there is another better place for all of us next but even if there was no god then to still live life loving being kind etc etc but i do think the we have a great creator as when you look at some flowers its almost like the petals have been painted with a paint brush and snowflakes are so beautiful under a microscope etc etc So I have to have faith in jesus as he gives me Hope that a god who loves us walked among us facing death itself for us and showing us by being raised again after death and awesome teaching about how to live a better life! Thanks for this site is wonderful that others are brave enough to share their fears and get comfort from each other weather we are christains muslims buddists atheiest agnostic etc etc My Hope is that we can all discuss this together in the next life!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    tracynz,

    Thanks for writing.
    And I agree, the important thing is indeed how we treat each other!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    tiffany,

    Thanks for sharing.
    Being good, kind, strong and inspiring sounds like a commendable goal! And I hope you have a lot of time left too!

  • tiffany says:

    I’m also afraid of dying. I dont know why. I just am. I always think… I could die… Anytime. I’m going on a 4 hour trip for 2 weeks in 2 short days, and I could get in a car crash… And die! I dont want to die. I love life and I want to make something out of my life and experience everything I can. What will I have left behind? Will I be missed, cherished? Will I have made any difference whatsoever in the world? Or will I just be forgotten. when will I die? How? I hate thinking that one day, I will die. And I wish I didnt have too. I want to be immortal. Another thing, is there life after death? I have no idea… Anyways, dying is my NUMBER ONE fear. I hope to put it off as long as possible. And only hope that I make something out of my life and am remembered as a good, kind, strong, and inspiring person…

  • tiffany says:

    one more thing, I’m only 16 so I should.. hopefully have a lot of time left

  • Mark Dade says:

    The part of dying that scares me the most is the idea of floating up out of my body, having that weird outer body experience, looking down at myself and those in grief, leaving behind everything beautiful in this world. How painful and heartbreaking would that be? Then as I continue to float up out into the clouds and into outer space flying by stars and planets and then finally arriving at the pearly gates and into some super bright light and into a place the bible says we can’t even fathom and live for all eternity scares the shit out of me. I mean seriously, who really wants to live forever? Wouldn’t you get a little nutty say after a couple thousand years of floating in around in a place that doesn’t play rock n roll, no classic muscle cars, and chicks that wear only dresses and never get laid. I think I’d rather stone cold dead. I can’t image a world without this one, with all its wonderful things, but could live without all its sickness and pain brought on by man.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Mark,

    Thanks for writing.
    Yes, I would agree that the world we are in is an amazing place indeed!

  • Christopher says:

    To be honest, There is no proof that you’re going to die. There is no written law in existence that you will die. You’ve just heard of or seen others die and so you think it will happen to you. But it’s illogical to die. Life is eternal. The best thing you can do is make sure it is eternally happy.

  • Christopher says:

    The first biggest trick played on man kind was telling him that he was going to die. The second biggest trick was giving him hope that he could live forever.

    Free yourself of this inconsistent hell. You can live forever with out knowing death.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Christopher,

    Eternally happy sounds interesting, although probably not possible, I’d say.

  • Christopher says:

    It’s the probably that says “hope”.

    I remember the first time I ever heard the concept of death, before that day I knew nothing about it, no idea it even existed, not even sure what it meant. I was 7 years old. My sister told me I wouldn’t be a live forever. Now how could a young girl know that? What’s more, how could a young boy believe it?

    Well I couldn’t believe it. It just didn’t make sense. My sister’s proposal of death lead me on a 21 year journey through psychology, atheism, religion, science, space, theory, and philosophy. And it finally came to me at the tend age of 28. Every moment was eternal and I was convinced of something new. Isn’t death new? Isn’t dying as new as being told about death?

    There’s only one scary thing about death. It only actually happens if you believe it will happen. And that’s a terrible thing. But if you believe you will live forever, there will be away for that to happen to. No scientist, no philosopher, and no religion has the power to disprove eternal life.

    But following the words of any human being that thinks they know anything will buy you a ticket to despair. All men are fools when it comes to facts. How can you believe me anyhow?

    With no personal proof of anything, it doesn’t exist. Even God cannot be proven beyond a personal experience. When I was a young boy, I would live forever, and only to be saved can I live forever after learning that I can’t. Robert, you have to ask your self a serious question. Are you really going to die? How will you avoid death after being exposed to it’s possibility? Can you be saved?

    I can tell you you will not die, there is away to avoid death and you can be saved. But it is entirely and exclusively up to you.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Christopher,

    Thanks for writing.
    Like you say, science and evidence is something that is always evolving, while at the same time there are so many things we don’t know. Nor will we ever probably fully understand the concept of existence or death.

    I guess we will see what happens!

  • Christopher says:

    You’re welcome, I guess I’m trying to do the opposite of helping you become comfortable with death. I’m trying to help you discover the truth behind your true desire, which isn’t to become comfortable, but to avoid the conflict.

    If you really think about it, It will never stop evolving, meaning it will never really be solid. If science, or any man for that matter, figured out everything there was to know, we’d stop growing and learning all together. Then the universe would stop growing too, because it’s only growing as a reaction to our discovery. Then life would have no purpose for us, no answers to seek, no technology to advance with. The true quest for man is to find safety for himself as his dives into the unknown. With out the unknown in front of us, we’d have nothing to discover. Death fits into the category of the unknown. For on thing, I am a Christian and I believe in Jesus Christ, however, Since science can never fully stabilize it’s self with out destroying human purpose, and Religion can never stabilize it’s self with out destroying human purpose, then human purpose must stabilize it’s self. When you peer into the unknown you have the ability with the power of your mind to fantasizing anything into existence. How do you think science works in the first place? People made everything up from the dawning of man and covered over the empty void with their reasoning and rationality. The problem is, none of us feel worthy to live forever because we might be doing something bad, like ignoring the potential truth of not being able to live forever. That’s why Jesus Christ exists, to save us from that Hell. Ultimately people usually just turn bad because it’s easier than figuring out the truth.

    Ultimately, I’m saying your mind can make anything possible. Literally, anything.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Christopher,

    Absolutely, things evolving and us searching are the two key factors.

  • PsycKho says:

    I’ve been searching for someone who feels the same, naively hopping to find some confort or answer to my pain. And finally, someone feels the same. (Usually, people who fear death fears the pain, the loneliness et caetera) I just don’t want to stop existing. I do realize that as soon I’ll be gone I won’t realize it, but I don’t want to! I can’t even find word to express how cruel, how awfull and unfair it is.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    PsycKho,

    Thanks for sharing.
    I believe you will find a lot of like-minded people here, and I hope the reading will be somewhat comforting for you, to know that you are far from alone in your thoughts.

  • Filipe says:

    Hey, Robert!

    Remember me? The guy named “Filipe” who wrote a comment on August 27th, 2011 at 13:25? Yep, this is me… Still alive, man! Haha!

    Since that time I have been reading 90% of the comments posted on your website, so I decided to make a pop into the scene after a while. The difference between a year ago and now is that I already have my degree in computer engineering and am currently undergoing a two year master degree in the field in the University of the Algarve, Faro, Portugal.

    Meanwhile, just wanted to say that I am still alive, yes, and also to tell you to keep up the good work! Seeing all these people sharing their thoughts about death does ease this fear… Of dying!

    Robert, peace to you and yours and, again, keep up your wonderful job with this site.
    Hasta la vista!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Filipe.

    Good to hear from you, and congrats on the degree!
    Glad you can come here and find comfort.

    Good luck with everything!

  • Ben O says:

    This feels like an online AA meeting but for the fear of death lol.

    It feels unnatural that I have this fear at such a young age (25), however it is probably related to the fact I have allot of good reason to live, such as my two beautiful children.
    Someone posted that you come to terms with death as you age however I can only imagine my fear being greater knowing I am closer to death and at its peak would be a tremendously distressing thought/feeling given this I’m not sure if I want to be doped up off my head on drugs when I die or fully conscious of my last embrace with the people I love.
    I also read a post that stated “we shouldn’t be afraid if there’s nothing after death because you want know about it”, I understand the point but it’s not just the unknown I fear but the reality of my fate if death is the end of my existence, I just love my family and can’t comprehend the thought of being without them not being able to share our lives any longer in anyway. If it were possible to feel or think in death I would miss them.

    The fear its self for me comes from the fact that I will never see my loved ones again and there’s certainly no evidence to suggest I will. I’d like to think I’ll go to heaven and see them one day but that’s not the type of person I am and I think I’ll just die and that’s the end.
    On the topic of religion, I think the whole heaven thing is made up to relieve ourselves of this very fear, I pray from time to time and hope for an answer but of course I never get one and am sure there’s several religious/ non-scientific explanation that can’t be proven as to why, although sometimes I think I get given little sings/hints but again this is probably wishful thinking and nothing but coincidence and my mind trying rationalise the irrational.
    I hope with all my heart you religious people are right and I am wrong.
    I thought about talking to an older person to see if they could put my mind at ease however I don’t want to unearth anyone’s fear and think maybe it’s just something you need to come to terms with on your own somehow.
    They say you must face your fear to overcome it, I’d rather not. I dont think they took death into consideration but more so public speaking and hights ect wich I also fear lol not to the same extent oviously.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Ben O,

    Thanks for sharing.
    I agree, the heardest thing is to try and come to terms with the fact that you will never see your loved ones again, that’ you’ll leave them behind and maybe even that you’ll have another life where you remember it all, but can never see them again.

    I do wonder, though, that if there is something after death, if you will remember your previous life.

    But with what we do know, we need to be nice to each other, take care of our loved ones and make the most out of every second we have together with them.

  • steve says:

    This blog is a blessing. I have been having massive anxiety attacks at night over death, dying, eternity, and all the people i will leave behind. I am 44 and i shake and cry like a child when this hits me. i cannot wrap my brain around the concept of “eternity” and i am so scared of leaving everything i know behind when i die. i am literally in tears right now just writing this. i am so scared of it, it chills me to my bones.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    steve,

    Thanks for writing.
    I’m hoping you finding some comfort in seeing that you are far from alone in having these thoughts. Also, if possible, try sharing your fears with a loved one or someone else you can talk to.

  • steve says:

    I have tried talking to my family, no one understands or they just shrug their shoulders and say”You can’t do anything about it”.
    But when I look back into my past and see so many people who were so old when I was young and now they are long dead and when I am old I will still remember them and when I die they will truly be gone and THAT thought saddens me to know end. My grandpa was born in 1898. I was born in 1968. In 2058 I will be 90, God willing, and I will STILL remember his face, his voice, everything..but when I die NO ONE will ever know he existed except for an old gravestone in NJ and THAT makes me cry…literally, I am now just thinking of it. Its NOT fair I cant go back an relive my life again. Its so unfair that no one will ever know he existed or will forget him in the depths of time…its SCARES me…I cant sleep thinking about it.
    Steve

  • Robert Nyman says:

    steve,

    I understand how you’re feeling.
    When it comes to talking to someone, maybe see some professional or group with like-minded people?

  • peter says:

    Suppose – worst case scenario – there is nothing after life. Then I am not really afraid of death. You wont know it anymore. However I am/would be afraid of dying.

    While some people may die in their sleep or drop dead instantly, you may be one of those few very unlucky people, whom suffer badly during their struggle/battle to stay alive.

    In the worst case, you could have a fatal disease but a very strong heart. You are 24/7 in insane pains however it takes 2 months before you finally die, screaming is pain. And worst of all, if there is nothing after life, your 2 months suffering would be 100% futile and have NO reason/purpose at all.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    peter,

    I agree, that’s a situation I believe most people fear.

  • Osama says:

    I fear death more than you I think .. way way more ,, not because I fear the non -existence but because I’m Muslim I fear the following :

    1- the amount of pain I will reach during my death.
    2- the punishment that god prepared for me for my sins in a place we called ‘ the muslims’ the limbo ( which you will be punished for ur sins before the judgment day )
    3- the judgment day ( when the sun will be far from ur head by 2 miles ‘as Muslims believe ) and you wait thousands of years under it.
    4-the hell…

    .

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Osama,

    Thanks for writing.
    All I can say is that I hope all goes well. Maybe you can talk about this fear with friends who share your belief?

  • jenny says:

    It’s weird as I feel as though I just woke up one day and had this consuming fear of death and the prospect of there being eternal oblivion where the world will keep on going and people will continue to exist where I will just cease to exist and not even be conscious of it. I also have this fear that my loved ones will pass and I wouldn’t know what to do without them and for some reason all I can think of when I see other people is oh hey look you’re going to cease to exist in so and so years and I can’t shake the feeling.

    It’s gotten to the point where to seek some sort of comfort I read NDE and try to find books talking about the possibility of there being an afterlife and mediums. I want so badly to just believe in everything and have that be it but I can’t and every time I tell myself just to have a little faith all my feelings of doubt and fear come rushing back.

    I try to just live each day and not to worry too much about things that I can’t control and fearing the inevitable is just ridiculous but I can’t stop thinking about it. I am also afraid that since I am young and have a long way to go that this is a fear that I will have consume me for the rest of my life, even more so when I’m older and if death is just nothingness then I have wasted my life. I also feel that no matter what there will never be enough time and things just go by too quickly. Because I understand that we all have to die, and we’re not immortal, I just don’t understand why and what’s the purpose of doing absolutely anything if we just cease to exist.

    I can’t fathom how someone can be okay with just ceasing to exist and loved ones ceasing to exist, so not only do I want an afterlife, I feel as though I need one. I have a feeling that if i make it to 90 and I’m on my death bed, I’m going to still be fighting death kicking and screaming.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    jenny,

    Thanks for sharing.

    In regards to what you said about the fear consuming you for the rest of your life: I know it sounds like such a cliché, but that is up to you. If you choose not to let it consume you, you won’t be owned by it.

    I know it’s much easier to say than do, but that’s one of the few things you can actually control.

    I do hope it gets better and that the fear will go away over time.

  • Xinghan says:

    Needless to say, I share the fear with all of you. Althought i hate it, but i am a very skeptical person. Knowing this,i started looking for scientific answers in the fear of death. I found the work of Dr.Stevenson, it strongly suggests the possiblity of reincarnation. Although still afraid,i do think it helps a little bit. If you need to go the science route, try these books.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Xinghan,

    Thanks for the tip!

  • Shelly says:

    I’ve been preoccupied with death for three or so months, everyday and almost all day. It effects my ability to sleep, it makes me worry every time my boyfriend and I aren’t together, either when he goes to work or I do. We do everything together and have, since we started living together, for two years straight. I love him and I don’t ever want to lose him. I lost my dad when I was two and I don’t know how my mom handled it or still handles it. He was her first and only love; she never remarried or even dated. I mostly lie awake at night having panic attacks while trying not to wake my boyfriend. I’ve talked to him about it before and he said he used to think about it all the time when he was younger and now the only thing that bothers him is that everything will continue without us. That scares me, too. I have also lost my grandparents on my dad’s side, my great grandparents on my mom’s side, my two dogs who were my only friends growing up, and my mom’s parents are in their 80s so I fear that dreaded phone call. My brother studies philosophy so we discuss the subject often but it doesn’t comfort me. I do not want to lose him, my two sisters, my amazing mom who raised us alone, or even my dog who we take everywhere we go that she can go. I love being alive. I love experiencing, I have so many goals and my boyfriend and I plan on getting married, starting our own business, traveling, moving out of the country, maybe having kids, and I don’t want to die early having never accomplished any of that. I want to be able to repay my mom with all the things she missed out on by having to take care of us. I don’t want her to die before I do so. I don’t want to have reached no goals and regret my life so I can’t die peacefully. I don’t believe in an afterlife or a supreme being or even rebirth. I was born Into a Christian family and believed strongly in god until I was around 6. After that I began to question the validity of the bible and other religions and by the time I was out of high school I only believed in science and proven facts. It’s all I still believe in but I still wish there was an afterlife or rebirth or something. I don’t want my experiences to be lost for good. I want to experience the advancements, the discoveries, the future in general. I feel like all is for naught and I’m frightened. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I want to be free to exist blissfully. Life is a burden but very precious to me. I don’t want it to be over and yet it will be whenever randomness dictates it. I fear it will be tomorrow every night. It can’t be though. I have too much to do and too much regret of not having accomplished anything. Please don’t let it be over so soon…

  • steve says:

    I know how the above poster feels exactly. I don’t want to lose any of my experiences or memory. It makes me so sad that so many old people from my youth are gone and yet I still remember them but they aren’t here. i do not want to think about how life is all for nothing and that when we die its over and we are just obliterated from existence. i also dont want to be reborn and lose all memory of everyone and everything I ever loved. I wake up a night in panic attacks thinking about it.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Shelly,

    Thank you for sharing. I definitely feel the same way about loving experiencing things.
    It sounds like you have great goals and values, you have people to talk to and you know what you want to accomplish with your life.

    So, if possible, my advice would be to try and focus on doing all those good things. My own experience, while it’s ok to talk about and fear death, is to put your time and effort into the things that really matter and that makes you happy.

    steve,

    Thanks for writing. I believe many many people feel just the same way as you do. I guess what we can do, though, is to cherish what we have with them, every moment we get.

  • Kevin says:

    It started for me about two weeks ago…the fears. Now, all I think about is that I could be gone at any moment. It’s affecting my work, home life, everything. I’m scared. Thank you all for your posts. It does bring some, however little, comfort to know that others have the same fears.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Kevin,

    Thanks for sharing.
    Glad to hear that you find some comfort by reading here, and I hope you find a good way to deal with it.

  • Sheena says:

    Writing yet again.

    I try not to think about it too much. Sometimes, just knowing that death comes for everyone, and that likely, I will not know it when it happens, brings some sort of sick comfort. But, I think of a body in the ground, of my body in the ground. Even more so, of people seeing me go from living to dead, while they carry on, it scares me. It gives me a sick jealousy. Of life carrying on. And me, not.

    I have heard the concept of death is easier as you age. Why do I have to think of this at 22? Why not older, when I could accept it?

    Thinking of dying before my husband, leaving him to sort things without me, scares me. Sickly, I would rather him die before me than having him have to live without me. And I do not mean that in a selfish way, not as if “He can’t live without me”. Rather, a selfless way. Because when you die, you leave those to mourn for you, without having to mourn for yourself. I want to spare him the mourning.

    I am not religious. I wish I were. It would make things easier. But I want to believe in science. That science would not do something for no reason. I do not know how we got here, how we went from an empty universe, to Earth. But I would hope that our luck in becoming a human race was not for nothing. That we could not be here just to have it end. That maybe, the same cells and luck that allowed us to exist will be the same cells that allow us to live in some other form. And as senseless as that is, I hope that it is true.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Sheena,

    Welcome back.
    I think, with age, that acceptance seem to come easier. Over the years, you develop more thoughts and experiences and constantly get more perspective. Maybe this is the thing that helps.

    And I also do hope our existence makes sense, that we serve some purpose.

  • Tree says:

    Hi. I cant believe this commentary has been going on for 6 years now since your original post.
    I have been terrified of death forever. The worst of it comes at night—I can’t tell you how many times I have woken up screaming “No! No!! NOOOOO!!! It can’t be!!”
    That’s ALWAYS the end result…how it starts usually goes like this: My dreaming mind sees my life as having existed always, even though I rationally know this to be patently false. I see a long time line both literally and conceptually…….and see a finite point at which there’s nothing but a horrid black void, a vast nothingness, and I can only frantically rail against this by shrieking in horror at the huge wanting to not NOT exist…this feeling is so deep —so soul-rotting the inability to believe that I will no longer exist while the world continues to do that which I can’t anymore…then comes the screaming which always wakes me.
    My mother calls them night terrors.
    I call it horrifying.
    I can’t. stand. it.
    Drives me insane. 9 years of pyschotherapy could not eradicate this or direct me towards any meaningful insight. I don’t want to die. So simple a statement but one which holds the vastness of the night sky in my consideration of it. (The not wanting to die, not the cosmos)
    Thanks for reading.
    Tree

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Tree,

    Yes, it’s been a long time now!
    Thanks for writing, and I’m sorry to hear about how you fell about it all.

    Do you believe acceptance is an option? Or just totally focusing on other things, taking your mind off of it?

  • Dawn Brady says:

    Hi

    My question to you though is if you are so fearful of death, why did you bring a child into the world to give the same thing?

    I am terrified too, and would preferred to have never been born

    Dawn

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Dawn,

    I think many things come into play there:

    Being afraid of dying doesn’t mean I don’t want to live – on the contrary. I believe there are many things people are afraid of, but that shouldn’t mean that they should be avoided.

    And when it comes to my children, they might not ever feel this way at all, just love life!

    But if they do it, at least I’m in a position to understand where they are coming from then, and then I can be there for them.

  • Dawn says:

    All existence of all boned animal creatures is dependent upon the flow of a vital liquid known as blood, and the ability of the creature’s body to maintain such flow, which serves to allow the brain of the creature to avoid rotting. The brain of all creatures is what allows the creature to exist. If the brain ceases function, and causes the body to lose the ability to provide blood flow and cell maintenance, the creature’s body begins to decay, and existence is lost. Existence=life, nonexistence=death. Death=nothingness for all of eternity. It does not make a single iota of difference whether or not a creature came into existence or not, because the actual consequences of not existing, to the creature, are exactly the same, whether they “die” by not being created in the first place, or whether they die at age 120, after having lived for 120 years of time. The ramification of not being alive is extreme, and it applies to all creatures who are not alive, regardless of whether or not they ever were alive in the past. This ramification is: The experience of nothingness for all of eternity. Some would argue that “nothingness for all of eternity” is not an “experience”, but rather a “lack of experience”. I disagree, you do not need to consciously be aware of something, in order to experience it’s consequences. That is the context in which the word “experience” is being used in this essay. You creatures are usually quite willing to accept the notion that an “entity” that was never born, has no past, no present, and no future, for all of eternity. That is Truth. But perversely and cowardly, you are unwilling to accept the equally undeniable Truth that creatures who are born, and then die, also have absolutely no past, present, or future for all of eternity. The reality of having a past, a present, and a future, is completely dependent upon one thing: Being alive and existing. If you cease to be alive, you cease to exist, and as a consequence, you lose all of your past, present, and future. It is exactly as if you were never born in the first place, and this core Truth, admittedly a horrific one, is something that we cannot grasp or accept, much less embrace. The things you accomplish/achieve in life, can only have value for the short, limited period of time that you are not dead. They can have no value during the period of time prior to you being created, and they can have no value for the eternity of cosmic endurance that stretches ahead after you die, because all value perception is derived via the uniquely personal experience of existing. What this means is that not only is there no purpose to life, , but even more profoundly, nothing that we achieve in life has any significance of any kind. Achievement is also dependent upon personal perception, and no type of personal perception can exist, ever, unless the creature seeking or trying to retain their own perception, exists. So, lets say that one person lives their life lying in a gutter, never speaking, never engaging in sexual intercourse, never communicating with another person, never earning money or having a family. Another person lives in a mansion, hosts a TV show watched by billions of people every day, has sexual intercourse with a million women, invents products which revolutionize human behavior, earns trillions of dollars, creates a million children, and has the biggest family in the history of the world. The reality is that, because the trillionaire and the gutter-man both die, there is absolutely nothing, not a single iota, of personal life value, advantage, or benefit that the trillionaire will end up enjoying, over the gutter-man. In fact, it is perfectly possible that the gutter-man will be able to claim victory, since the only “score” that has any legitimacy is the personal perception of life pleasure and fulfillment that each individual experiences during their lifetime. This perception is also of no value whatsoever upon death, of course. But it provides the only legitimate way of “judging” the success or failure of any life. Only the individual who is actually in the process of living their life, can make this unique judgment upon himself. The trillionaire lives in a mansion, he has servants, he creates a million children, he changes the future course of human events/behaviors, he leaves trillions of dollars to other humans, cities, streets, buildings are named after him, pregnant women decide to name their babies after him, etc…, and yet none of this can possibly or does in fact have any value or importance of any kind, the instant that the trillionaire dies. This is because all value is completely dependent upon being able to perceive value, and all ability to perceive anything is lost for all of eternity immediately upon death, just as it never existed prior to birth, or to a creature who was never born.

  • Dawn says:

    In death everything achieved in life is rendered null, void,nonexistent. life did not actually happen.Death is the annihilation of all experience forever.

  • Angela says:

    Everyone has had the thought, at some point in their lives, that life itself may be pointless. I am here to tell you that you are correct. Life is completely pointless. You are born, live for a cosmic blink of an eye, and then die. There is no Heaven, Hell, Valhalla, Nirvana. The same thing happens to you when you die that happens to a fly when you swat it. It was alive, then it’s dead. Here I am going to tell you a very basic truth. What exactly are you. You are not a spirit, a soul, or even anything special. I know that sounds very hard to believe as most people spend their entire lives trying to convince themselves they are special. For if you are special then your life is not pointless. One of the reasons religion has done so well is the fact they convince people that there is a magical man in the sky watching everything they do and that he cares very much about them personally. How prosperous would a religion be that stated “God created the universe, then lost interest and went to get a Slurpee.” If you really think about it, what motivates most people’s actions is the desire to feel special. Competition is a huge byproduct of this need. The need to make money, gain power, even respect are all driven by the same need. Everyone just wants to feel as though their life means something and is important. Well I have bad news for you… you’re not special. Don’t take it too hard for I am not special either. We are both just accidents of evolution, lucky enough to live for a little while before we die and cease to exist. No matter what you do, or how much you want it, nothing will change the fact that you are not special and once you die nothing you did while you were alive will mean anything. This is actually very good news. Due to the fact that this is it, you might as well accept it. Enjoy every moment you can, because when your time is up, that’s it. No reason to get stressed out or worry. None of it matters. No matter how much money you get, how many friends you have or how many homeless cats you rescue, you are still going to end up the same way the Pope, Jay Leno, and Dahmer will. So relax, take a deep breath and enjoy what little time you have.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Angela,

    Thanks for writing.
    About the part on people meaning something, I don’t share your opinion. I think, no matter who you are, you can mean a lot to people and make their lives better. And even if the case would be that when you die, you are just gone, I’d make the case that you were special.

  • steve says:

    I am still here and still wrestling with my fear of death. It hasn’t gotten any easier, but it hasn’t gotten worse. I was sad the other day though because I found a book of photos from when my mother was young and I saw all her aunts and cousins and such and I asked her who they were and she couldn’t remember some of the really older ones names. THAT is sad, to think someday after I am dead a relative of mine will see my picture and ask “Who is this person?”

  • Robert Nyman says:

    steve,

    Glad to hear it hasn’t gotten worse. I understand the situation with pictures like that, but at the same time, even if I don’t know who the person is, I take comfort in the fact that most likely those people in that picture meant a lot to each other.

  • Tree says:

    aHi Robert-
    Thanks for the answer. I do think the only way to cope with these intense and awful feelings is to try and focus on the good things in life as a means of distraction. I try not to dwell on the cruel pointless joke that life is during my waking hours…time enough for the terror during the night.
    Sometimes when the night is very clear and the moon is gone, I go out to the middle of my yard and stare out at the universe …wishing I could be out there too and try to figure out why this is all here….its bad enough how little time we have but why must there also be the hugeness of the stars to underscore our insignificance?
    Tree

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Tree,

    Sure thing.
    Distraction/focusing on other things is definitely key here.

    Stars are amazing, though, showing what an amazing world we get to take part of!

  • Dazzle says:

    The fear of death is perfectly natural to all living things with a conscious mind. Without the fear of death we would die far quicker than we are supposed too. for example when you go outside and a flock of birds spot you they fly away because of the fear of you killing them. If they did not have that fear they would casually walk infront of cars or predators and die. Same for humans, if we didn’t have a sub-conscious fear of death we would take rediculous risks and probably end up dead very quickly. Of course that doesn’t make it any easier and yes like alot of you i am still terrorfied of firstly the process of dying and finally the no longer existing. i often wish i could be around in 500 years time just to see how things are, the technological advancements, evolution etc or if Earth is still supporting life. here’s a thought that freaks me out.. One day a long long time from now the Sun will expand and consume this planet and unless humans have somehow figured out how to live on a new planet nobody will ever exist again! having said that i do believe somewhere out there in the vast expanse of the universe their will be other planets with lifeforms on them and i’d really like to know for that for sure before i die. Im 32 and if i manage to live the same length of time i have so far i’ll be 64! scary!

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Dazzle,

    Thanks for your comment.
    Indeed, the fear of death does help in keeping us alive.

    Regarding the Sun – I do believe, at that time, if humans are still around then I think we have figured out a way to live on another planet. I’d also love to see how things evolve!

  • Nancy says:

    Hi Robert,
    I can’t believe that you wrote this in 2006 and people are still commenting on it. It must have hit a nerve. I will be 60 in May. For the last few years I have been feeling even more pressure than usual in my life (which has been a lifelong quest) in trying to discover my purpose in life. Coupled with that is the growing realization that I am incredibly afraid of death. Like you, I feel like I have a great life; I love my husband and my children and step children. I’ve loved the things that I have done in my life. I have never been bored. What I have been at times is anxious which has led to apathy and some inactivity. I stopped doing the things I used to (on a whim, I’d take flying lessons, or go skiing, etc.) These traits came on once I had children. I’m wondering if these are the characteristics of a devoted parent: no more risk-taking and much more concerned about staying healthy for the children. Maybe twenty years of avoiding risks and dampening my adverturous spirit actually caused this exaggerated fear of death. There are actually times that I am so tired of being anxious and depressed and uncertain and unable to make decisions that I think things will be better once I die. Then I get terrified and sad over THAT. Does any of this register with you or your readers? I just got a lab puppy and honestly, I feel as hypervigilent as I did when my babies came home from the hospital, so anxious that I almost wish I hadn’t gotten the puppy. I really do think that it is a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or something. What happened to my adverturous spirit? The can-do spirit? The girl who wouldn’t let anything stand in her way? I feel confused and pathetic and am trying to figure out a way by my 60th birthday in May to take my walk in the wilderness….just to seek out that younger version of myself who never feared death at all.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Nancy,

    Thanks for writing! And yes, amazing it’s been almost 7 years now.

    It’s an interesting point, Maybe we do stop taking risks when we become parents. At least initially. I think another point could be, like you say, that if you you just keep on living, take risks etc it’s not likely that you’ll fear death as much, since you’re busy actually doing things.

    But if you knowingly avoid things – out of fear or similar – it becomes even more apparent, triggering more fear.

    Interesting. And I believe the lesson is probably to just go on living, instead of avoiding things.

  • Carlos says:

    What if that which we think of death is not death? So little thought and scientific work has been done in this area that we know very little about what is called death. I think when we evolve being religion, and the main stream science takes up the task of investigating and studying what lies beyond the death of the physical body, then we will have no reason to fear death. This is already happening throughout the world.

  • Carlos says:

    Sorry, had some bad misspelling in my previous post.

    What if that which we think of death is not death? So little thought and scientific work have been done in this area that we know very little about that which is called death. I think that when we evolve beyond religion, and the mainstream science takes up the task of investigating and studying what lies beyond the death of the physical body, then we will have no reason to fear death. This is already happening throughout the world.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Carlos,

    Thanks for sharing.
    That could very well be so, but science might also reach a conclusion verifying that it is indeed final, both physically and for the soul. I believe all we have, and what we can affect, is our lives we have now, and try to make the best out of them.

  • R.Jeannie says:

    Wow, your post and the comments – so very conforting to read whst goes on in others mind that have the same fear! You know everyone has them but doesn’t speak of it much but to read then is nice! I’m sure you have comforted thousands, not just people thst have commented.

    I have read them all. Lots helped. Some traumatizing.. the 16 year old that killed herself and then her mom posting, terrible!

    Anyway, obviously my fear beought me here. I’m 22 years old and the fearof dying (mostly in horrible ways, while I know whats happening) & what comes after has taken over my mind and happiness. Not that I had much hapoiness to begin w.

    I had a bad childhood so I think as a defense mechanism I lived in a daze, like foggy, never clear thoughts, livingday to day but no substance, goals, ect. Not my own person but controlled by my mom. Church was a social escape for me, though I believed in god, I never questioned nor doubted it, until 16/17. But even so, I just decided that I didnt believe anymore and thats that. No more deep thinking aout what is and isn’t. I had a fear of death and pain and kidnapping (still do as I look 16 not 22 -_-) the most I thought was if I was ever seveerly burned, for my family to just let die and if thy didnt I would hate them. Selfish. Evil, yes but I refuse to live like that. I also have a huge family so always feared their deaths too. But somehow always shoved this away. I did get those seconds where I would think omg what if we didnt exist and it’d go away really quick.

    But then, my boyfriend left me, my sisters (twin and secobd youngest) moved out w their bfs and for the first time in 21 years I had to truly handle problems alone.I live/d at home so I wasn’t alone but it felt bad. I became extemely self aware cause for the first time I was lonely, I noticed every flaw ofine, emotional proble., thst I’m not invicincible., all these things, my bad childhood that foggy drugged like defense mechanism, the no goals of my life, so many things. And it drove me into depression that I got out of but then in Dec, my newest bf left me and I had no job, so much time on my hands and my hypochondria was going crazy on me! I was home all day babysittjng my brother, no eneegy no passikn for life. Feeling inadequate and one day I got high after smoking and then it hit me… I could die one day, today, tmrw. My family could die. Where do we go? When is it? Will it hurt? I can’t imagine life w out one of sibljngs. I have four. W my twin sister and my sister two years younger we been through so much together. And just all of us. All five of us are so uniquely attatched that nothing can get us over a loss like that. Especially if I lost my twin, we were born together. I know no life w out her. She has always been by my side. Its just horrible to think of it happening to her or any of them or their kids or my mom.

    I don’t wanna die horribly, I wanna go in my sleep. I’m so scared of this world. The kidnapoers, murders, the ruthless people. The bombings, the car accidents. That bostin bombjng scared me so bad, it could hapoen anywhere. I hate not knwoing wheb but I’d rather not know. I hate tht one day ill bring kids in this crazy world but I hope thst they can fjnd joy if I do bring them.

    The after death. Nothing can change my not belivjng jn god. Unless jesus hinself came down and said its true. I don’t know if I believe NDE or all those other things because it COULD be a chemical reaction or somethin. I have the most hope in reincarnation, but I don’t wanna come back in a horrible life! Or as a bug or animal. I don’t wanna warch the world the way it seems to get worse but I don’t wanna miss the great discoveries tht are to come. So as an animal I can’t really enjoy tht and as a bug, someknes going to kill me kn a second, lol.

    I like to think that when we die, our energy or spirit goes to a happy place. Its an afterlife but not heaven or hell. Maybe its here on earth amkng everyone but not harming anyone or letting anyone know we are here and not scry. I like to believe tht even the evilist people go there because as you leave your body, you are rid of the bad things you have done because yu didnt choose this life, or whatever causes you to do what you do. I like to think that spirit has a level on conscioisness that we don’t have yet thatis ourtrue selves and we gain that missing part once we go and so its our god and it forgies us because it wasn’t there to help. I know, ig soubds ridiculous. Maybe it came across my mind because I know some truly evil people out there and jn my family and hope the best for us all in the afterlife.or maybe its a blCk nothingness. Which doesn’t scare me as much as it does everyone else and I think thats because I never lived a happy life so I’m not scared of not having it if I don’t know I don’t have it. But maybe thatll change.

    This depressikn and fear has affectedme physically and emotionally. Hobbies don’t help. I was an avid reader and I lost my passion. I don’t drive for my fear of accidents and I only walk when necessary for my fear of getting kidnapped. I spend lots of time trying to get comfort frkm these websites and yours has been the best. The knly ways to ease my mind is sleep but its stsrting to come in my dreams in weird ways. Or goingout w my best friend or when I have my family around. I used to like being alone but now I’m lonely in a house of people.

    I have thought of suicide, not to do it but how much relief it’d bring.. but I have too much hope that I’ll get better to take that away. And I do want to find love again and have kids because to me being a big family person, they give a hope and purpose to life more than anything. I know that the best we can so is lkve life but its hard when I’m unemoloyed, not by choice for another couple months and homea lot because I babysit and live twenty minutes away from all my friends andccan’t just get up and go because of babysitting. I get in a car when necessary but I hope to overcome thst fear first.

    No medical insurance so I can’t go to therapy but my best friend and twin sister understand how I feel, they feel similar but not as intense. But I did talk to a 53 year old lady who has been around people dying, loved ones. And has had struggles (not w afterlife, she believes in God, 100 %) but she gave me a couple books to read and said think of it like this – time 20 minutes, let them pass.. no one you love or cared about or yourself died, so you got through I.. next do an hour, and so on until sleep. Then trt again. It be easier if I didnt get scared ofsleepjng and not waling up, but worth a shot.

    I know that when I get out of this depression and away from this fear, whether there is an after life or a black nothingness, I will do good for others and love and try my best to be happy and not worry about death and the after of it. Sure, ill always be scared. But I’d rather die and be happy that I left a great impact on those I’ve helped. I’ve dkne wrong before, but I was younger and stupid and I’m a different person now and werealways evolving and changing mentally, so if you fear death as easier it ks to be said than done, try not to fear living like I do cause it sucks. But when j get over this, day by day I will make it my goal to live and live happily. We might never know what hapoens after kr when we are going to die but what matters js now.

    Sorry for the long long post and the errors, typing on my phoen sucks but thanks for the chance to vent and for the comforting feeling your blog brings!! After 6 years its still getting comments, thats amazing!!

  • R.Jeannie says:

    Oops, seven years* I found myself wondering if any passed that commented and how nice it’d be if they gave you a sign somehow.. lol. Thiugh I hope they are still here living happily. I re read my post and realized I rambled a lot. Lol. My apologies.

  • Joe says:

    I had this talk with my girlfriend last week, she said she gets scared when she thinks about dying. I said I did to, with me it’s more of a middle of the night thing, when the lights are out and I am in bed alone sometimes, I just feel this total nothingness, like I am the only person in the world and I actually feel truly afraid of the unknown, the thought of the people I love being gone and for what?, born by chance in a loveless universe that doesn’t care if we live or die , or live in pain and fear?. I can’t believe that. I think there is a God out there who does love us, if there isn’t and we are truly alone in this universe and live and die because of a set of chance happenings, then we have every right to be afraid. As Mel Gibson said, if there is no God we may as well get a rope and hang ourselves. I know what he meant. If their is no point to all the hardships and suffering on this earth, that millions of people go through, no reason to go though this except to die one day, that is the reward?, I can’t believe that.

    There are atheists out there who have hope and find meaning in life even though they think they are going to cease to exist one day, but I find no hope in that thought, and it makes no sense to me. Not just because I am afraid of total death, it just makes no sense to me, I’ve thought about it for many years and I keep coming back to the conclusion that there is something else going on, bigger than you and me, something on a spiritual level that is extremely hard to comprehend and figure out.

    I was raised as a Catholic, believing that the people I know and love will live on after death is the only thing that makes sense to me, I cannot believe that all of the wonderful people I know will die and never be heard again, for me, such beautiful people , souls, are designed with the purpose of living forever. I think that is what’s happening, and fear of death for me as a Christian is lack of faith in Gods ability to save me, for me, I know if I had more faith in what I do believe I would not be afraid but would welcome this death on earth as it would be a passing into the place where we are meant to be, but I am afraid still.

    I am also afraid that I have wasted my life, I am nearly 40 and could have done everything better, I wasted so many years of my life dealing with problems I could not overcome until only recently, like a drink problem. I just feel like I blew everything.

    I want to end on the reason why I believe in God. It’s to do with powerful emotions such as love and concepts such as Justice. Atheists will tell you these are things created by living beings, animals, humans, to deal with life, and so on. But for me in order to have such things as love, you need a source, and that original source had to be the perfect example of love in order for us to be able to feel different levels of love, where did this source of great overwhelming love come from in the first place, it’s all very well saying it originated here on earth. But where , who was the first living creature to feel this , was this creature the creator of love?, it makes no sense to me, if there are other being in the universe that feel love, hate, how is that possible, how do they share the same emotions as us if they are millions of light years away, this tells us these emotions are everywhere in the universe, like a radio signal being broadcast from a source, a higher power.

    For me, death is the price of mans sin, death came into the world when mankind turned its back on God, and the only one who could defeat death for us was Jesus dying on the cross, this was the only payment that could be made to save us. If we put our faith in Jesus then there is nothing to be afraid of, he said if we had faith the size of a mustard seed we could move a mountain just by telling it to. He said do not fear people who can destroy the flesh, fear the one who can destroy the soul.

    Anyway, I am finished commenting, I see my fear of death as a terrible lack of faith on my part, I either believe in life after death and that Jesus died for our sins so we can live again, or I don’t. I have always believed in the Bible, and I still do, so why do I fear my own death, and even the death of people like my mother who is very religious and I believe is going to heaven, why am I afraid, it’s a lack of faith, and I am ashamed that after nearly 40 years as a Catholic I am still such a weak person spiritually and emotionally. I blame years of alcohol problems that wore me down until I was defeated and a broken man. I was able to stop drinking and am now trying to rebuild my life, and find Jesus again, I want to get back to the times where I could go to bed and sleep peacefully, the days when I felt God was on my side and everything was going to be ok.

    I wish you all luck in finding what works for you in dealing with you fear of death. I think as I get older it is going to trouble me more and more, but if I can find my faith again I think I will be able to deal with this a lot better and instead of seeing it as the end of all things, I will see it with hope that we will see our loved ones again in a better place where there is no more fear, no more being afraid of the dark.

  • Joe says:

    I just want to add, for people who say they are trying to believe in God, or Jesus and are having a crisis of faith, or terrible fear of death even though you are religious. It is said that in spiritual battle, evil spirits will attack you in areas where they know they can cause a lot of turmoil in your life. If you have a fear of death, they will exploit this weakness and cause fear. The bible tells us that fear is a tactic used by evil to cause us distress and to make us doubt that there is a God who loves us. As a Christian I believe that if we put our faith in things like mediums, or things like reincarnation, we are only going to cause more fear and uncertainty in our lives, how can you come to terms with death if you think you are going to come back as a bug to be squashed like the person a few posts above me said.

    If we build our foundation on the teachings of Jesus Christ and truly believe he is the son of God then death loses its power to cause us fear, because Jesus defeated death on the cross, for all time. The battle is already won, we just need to believe this and he will save us when we do pass on.

    I am not trying to force my beliefs on anyone, but I see a lot of people saying they find it hard to find God even though they are looking for him, start asking Jesus to help you, every night ask him to banish the fear in your heart , welcome him into your life,and say a few prayers every night, and change will happen over time. It might not happen over night, but it will happen if you seek him with a open heart and trust that he can work in you to get rid of your fear. It’s spiritual warfare, and you need his help .

  • Rob says:

    About 5 years ago I saw something that to this day I cannot figure out. It was a bright light hovering outside. When this “thing” realised I was staring right at it, it started to move. It traveled in front of me, only a few feet in front of me in the middle of the night. It was about the size of a beach ball, it was pulsating white, like a flame but it only had internal light, it did not illuminate anything around it like the trees, it was like some sort of a living organism pulsing . And you know the feeling you get when someone is looking at you, you sense it. I felt like this thing was looking at me as it passed by. It moved in a slow controlled way in a horizontal movement about head height, and it was like I came up on this thing and startled it and it wanted to get away.

    I had my phone on me at the time, but I was so shocked I couldn’t even think to take a picture. It wasn’t until this thing went out of view that I seemed to come to my senses and go tell someone what happened. It was a surreal event, and to this day I think I saw something I wasn’t meant to see, as my mind just comes up with a blank every time I try to think of what I saw, it’s like the human brain trying to decode something it’s never seen before. You are just left in a daze not knowing what to think.

    I think that night I got a glimpse of something that is from another dimension, or what people might call a spirit or ghost. I wish I was making this up but I am not, some times when I think about what I saw that night it scares me to death as I worry it might decide to pay me a visit again, and I think I would die of fright if this thing appeared to me in the night again.

    I watched this thing move in front of me for a good 15-20 seconds, and it was only a few feet away. I wish everyone could see what I saw that night as it would change peoples mind about life after death. It was also scary and very mysterious. There is something out there we don’t understand, I am actually afraid to find out what it was, I think I am better off not knowing what I saw that night as it gave off a bad vibe.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    R.Jeannie,

    Thanks for writing.
    Appreciate to hear your story and your thoughts. I believe what we can – and need – to do is talk to the people around us. We need to be open about our feelings and discuss our takes, and luckily it sounds like you have that alternative.

    Joe,

    Thanks for sharing.
    I believe people find different ways to handle their fear: many through religion, but many others through a lot of other ways. I’m glad that you and your girlfriend can talk about this!

    Rob,

    Thanks for commenting.
    Perhaps it was something good to see/experience that?

  • DB says:

    All existence of all boned animal creatures is dependent upon the flow of a vital liquid known as blood, and the ability of the creature’s body to maintain such flow, which serves to allow the brain of the creature to avoid rotting. The brain of all creatures is what allows the creature to exist. If the brain ceases function, and causes the body to lose the ability to provide blood flow and cell maintenance, the creature’s body begins to decay, and existence is lost. Existence=life, nonexistence=death. Death=nothingness for all of eternity. It does not make a single iota of difference whether or not a creature came into existence or not, because the actual consequences of not existing, to the creature, are exactly the same, whether they “die” by not being created in the first place, or whether they die at age 120, after having lived for 120 years of time. The ramification of not being alive is extreme, and it applies to all creatures who are not alive, regardless of whether or not they ever were alive in the past. This ramification is: The experience of nothingness for all of eternity. Some would argue that “nothingness for all of eternity” is not an “experience”, but rather a “lack of experience”. I disagree, you do not need to consciously be aware of something, in order to experience it’s consequences. That is the context in which the word “experience” is being used in this essay. You creatures are usually quite willing to accept the notion that an “entity” that was never born, has no past, no present, and no future, for all of eternity. That is Truth. But perversely and cowardly, you are unwilling to accept the equally undeniable Truth that creatures who are born, and then die, also have absolutely no past, present, or future for all of eternity. The reality of having a past, a present, and a future, is completely dependent upon one thing: Being alive and existing. If you cease to be alive, you cease to exist, and as a consequence, you lose all of your past, present, and future. It is exactly as if you were never born in the first place, and this core Truth, admittedly a horrific one, is something that we cannot grasp or accept, much less embrace. The things you accomplish/achieve in life, can only have value for the short, limited period of time that you are not dead. They can have no value during the period of time prior to you being created, and they can have no value for the eternity of cosmic endurance that stretches ahead after you die, because all value perception is derived via the uniquely personal experience of existing. What this means is that not only is there no purpose to life, , but even more profoundly, nothing that we achieve in life has any significance of any kind. Achievement is also dependent upon personal perception, and no type of personal perception can exist, ever, unless the creature seeking or trying to retain their own perception, exists. So, lets say that one person lives their life lying in a gutter, never speaking, never engaging in sexual intercourse, never communicating with another person, never earning money or having a family. Another person lives in a mansion, hosts a TV show watched by billions of people every day, has sexual intercourse with a million women, invents products which revolutionize human behavior, earns trillions of dollars, creates a million children, and has the biggest family in the history of the world. The reality is that, because the trillionaire and the gutter-man both die, there is absolutely nothing, not a single iota, of personal life value, advantage, or benefit that the trillionaire will end up enjoying, over the gutter-man. In fact, it is perfectly possible that the gutter-man will be able to claim victory, since the only “score” that has any legitimacy is the personal perception of life pleasure and fulfillment that each individual experiences during their lifetime. This perception is also of no value whatsoever upon death, of course. But it provides the only legitimate way of “judging” the success or failure of any life. Only the individual who is actually in the process of living their life, can make this unique judgment upon himself. The trillionaire lives in a mansion, he has servants, he creates a million children, he changes the future course of human events/behaviors, he leaves trillions of dollars to other humans, cities, streets, buildings are named after him, pregnant women decide to name their babies after him, etc…, and yet none of this can possibly or does in fact have any value or importance of any kind, the instant that the trillionaire dies. This is because all value is completely dependent upon being able to perceive value, and all ability to perceive anything is lost for all of eternity immediately upon death, just as it never existed prior to birth, or to a creature who was never born.

  • Samantha says:

    Hi Robert,

    I guess like many of the people who have written on this thread, i too am afraid of dying.

    I have grown up in a very strong Catholic family. I went to a Catholic primary school, Catholic high school and now a Catholic university. Whilst my entire life the thoughts and beliefs of the religion have developed a foundation for what should be my beliefs, all that i am left with as a result is confusion.

    My mum tells me that all the good people will go to heaven, but we won’t belong to each other anymore. My dad says we all will go to heaven and that if Jesus really died for our sins it must mean all sins are forgiven and therefore there is no such thing as hell. My boyfriend is Hindu and he tells me that we are reincarnated 7 times, each life better or worse depending on how we have lived in our previous life. Some people tell me that there is nothing after death, just like before we existed, we will just drift off into nothingness.

    I can’t say that any of these thoughts are comforting.
    Going to heaven, living for eternity is just as scary as not existing at all to me. Forever, i can’t even wrap my mind around that word. What’s worse to me is no longer belonging to each other. I have been raised by a wonderful family, i have learned to love, to care, to feel heart ache and happiness. All of these feelings are a result of the people that have become a part of my soul. I came from my parents, to not belong to them anymore is a horrific thought. If this is what my supposed God planned for us, i don’t know how to feel. I mean, i never asked to exist, why am i here if everyone i have been taught to love and care for will no longer belong to me. My mother will no longer be my mother… When i voiced these thoughts to my mum, she asked me “What about the people who come from families who don’t treat them well?”.
    That is probably a good question. But i always imagined it should be a choice. It’s heaven right? Heaven is supposed to be bliss… I don’t care about anything but being with the people i love and never ever losing them. I don’t care if we are all in hell, as long as we are together that’s all that matters to me.
    It just seems so horrible to put us here and then take us away from eachother.

    Reincarnation, another belief i cannot fathom. To be born again into different circumstances. I guess if my life was difficult and i struggled, the thought of being reincarnated into a different a better life would be an amazing thought. Maybe i am being selfish for wanting to hold onto this life so bad and these people so bad that i am not thinking about those less fortunate. But why? Why does anyone in this whole world deserve to be born into bad circumstances? I guess God would say that this life is what human’s have made it. This world, poverty, neglect… they all exist because of war over land and selfishness. Because people haven’t cared for one another. It all seems to make so much sense, but also such little sense.

    I can’t work out the meaning of life. I can’t go into nothingness, i don’t want to be reincarnated… i don’t want to go to heaven and not know any of the people i know today. I want this life, i want these people. I don’t ever for a second want to stop holding on to them. And floating off into nothing? That isn’t good enough for me. It isn’t fair… My memories, feelings, hope, sadness, joy, everything… to become nothing?

    I don’t know what the point is in what i’m writing. All i know is that this life is travelling fast and my mind is in an utter state of confusion. I wish i had stronger faith, i wish i had even one comforting thought that i truly believed in that would make dying easier. But i don’t even have one.

    I just wonder, what is the point in any of this? I feel like i’m living out a game of Sim’s.

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Samantha,

    Thanks for sharing. On the topic of heaven and and not belonging, it could perhaps be that you won’t know about the people you loved, i.e. not being aware of what you had.

    There are so many different ways it could go, and the only we all know is that no one knows.

    Cherish your family and loved ones, and make sure this life counts.

  • […] I’m Afraid of Dying […]

  • Katiwwir says:

    Hi

    I am so happy/and sad at the same time finding this blog. I am sad that so many people are experiencing what i feel which has made it all too real for me now. Before the idea of death and or loved ones dying used to scare me but i could shrug it off very quickly and just think ‘it wont happen to me’ but now I am coming to accept that it WILL and i dont like it.

    I feel like this is eating away at me like a disease quickly spreading. I will feel ok when i take my mind off it but will then just suddenly think OMG I’m going to die, which to be honest scares the crap out of me!

    I have always felt like there is something out there but i dont know what. I try to just believe in science but then i question things like who put the atoms there that starting the big bang? How is everything so conviently perfect e.g why are there men n women who have perfect bodies to be able to reproduce. Etc etc

    So when i think like that i do feel possitively like there just MUST be something out there and there must be a REASON for me.

    I too have had this debilitating fear after having my child which maybe if u look at all the posts alot of us have this in common and maybe it is a hormonal problem?

    Who knows? And that is the biggest problem with no answer…….