We all live our lives going through all kinds of stages, experiences and risks. What I wonder is if risks are worth taking, and if yes, which ones?
Let me explain a little more what I’m talking about. I have a fantastic family with Fredrika and our two lovely daughters Emilia and Filippa, and I love them so much it hurts. Any thought about if anything were to happen to them just tears me apart.
A side of this is that I, naturally, feel the responsibility to take care of them and do whatever is in my way to make their lives as enjoyable and happy as possible. And if I were to take any risk that would potentially leave my daughters without a father, I can’t fathom the pain I would put on them. This has led to me being ever increasingly worried about if anything would happen to me.
I don’t go around every day worrying about things that might happen. It’s just that there are certain things that scare me more than others, and I seriously contemplate whether I should do certain things, if it imposes any kind of risk.
My current fear is that tomorrow, Friday, I’ll be traveling to Italy with my employer for a four-day conference, and I’m terrified. At a first glance it seems great fun, and it might very well turn out to be just that. But, the risk here is the flying and the consequence if anything goes wrong. I’m not afraid of flying, I’m afraid of dying.
And all these thoughts and wonderings just make me wonder if I should take any risks or do anything where the result can be fatal? I mean, I should of course do what I can to live my life to the fullest, but at the same time it’s not just about me anymore. I have responsibility to my loved ones that I have to take into account. Of course this is the way I feel and the way it should be, and not anything they’re forcing me to feel or ever would.
But still, what should I do? Stop flying? Stop going to exciting countries and take any risk whatsoever? That’s probably not a good life either, but I’m so very ambivalent about these questions. Without a doubt I would abandon all my plans without hesitation if I knew it would guarantee me safety, but unfortunately it doesn’t. So I will go tomorrow, with my utter and complete love and best thoughts for my family.
What if something happens to me?