In the line of fire

I just felt a bit too restrained with Twitter last night to describe what actually went down. So, this will be too personal and perhaps too graphic. Consider yourselves warned… πŸ™‚

The scene

Imagine last night about eleven in the evening. Our bathroom downstairs consists of a toilet, a bath tub with shower and then an inner room, with washing machine and a table for changing diapers. It has a door that you can close, so no one in the actual bathroom will see you, and vice versa.


After a weekend with the family and running around playing with kids, I thought I’d let myself have some quiet time in the bathroom. Meaning, sitting down, doing no. 2 and winding down before yet another week in the mines at work. I just started doing my business, when Fredrika knocks on the door and says that she has to come in and change diaper on our youngest (currently sleeping) daughter Filippa, 15-months old.

Somewhat annoyed by being disturbed, I understand that this has to happen. While Fredrika and I aren’t shy of each other, we haven’t gotten to that stage in our relation that we can have a shit while the other person is in the same room (and I hope we never reach that either). So, feeling a bit awkward, I tell her that she can come in, walk straight through to the inner room and close the door.

That way I can finish up, wipe myself and get the hell out of there. The door opens and…

The event

Fredrika comes into the room with Filippa in her arms. She has just woken up, and out of nowhere she starts to vomit; like, projectile-style. She throws up all over me, sitting there on the toilet. Fredrika hurries her into the bath tub so she can spew whatever needs to come out, and then use the shower to clean her.

Perfectly normal situation with a kind. except… There I am, still sitting on the toilet with shit in my ass and vomit all over me. And I don’t really want to start wiping myself either while Fredrika is still in there. It would just feel… nasty.

So, my only option is to sit there in that lovely odor that throw up gives away, still with the need to use some toilet paper to become decent; looking on to how things progress with poor Filippa.


Filippa was throwing up some more times during the night, but today she actually seems to feel well; she even has an appetite now! Apparently she burped up something at lunch today, but since she ran away from Fredrika, laughing, when she tried to change her shirt, I think things are just fine. πŸ™‚


  • Olly says:

    That's a beautiful story. Thanks for sharing.

    Don't know if I'll bother with lunch now πŸ˜‰

  • Ahahaha, you had me laughing out loud here. I'm sorry, but that is just too funny. πŸ˜‰

    Hope she'll get better soon though.

  • Remy Sharp says:

    I'm "so" glad I decided to catch up on my RSS feeds while sitting down to lunch!

  • Funny story, Robert, and good to here your daughter is alright πŸ™‚

    While Fredrika and I aren’t shy of each other, we haven’t gotten to that stage in our relation that we can have a shit while the other person is in the same room (and I hope we never reach that either)

    I can't say I feel the same way. I would have freed myself from your situation in the blink of an eye without a doubt πŸ˜‰ But I have to admit I would've felt nasty all the same.

  • Dana says:

    Ah, the life of a father isn't always pretty. Glad to hear that Filippa is doing better. Keep sharing!

  • Steven Clark says:

    eewwwwww… ha ha.

    Projectile vomit is also something that comes back when they turn mid to late teens, discover alcohol and ask for a lift home from a party. πŸ™‚

    Something to look forward to Robert.

  • Ed says:

    At least you're in the right room so could deal with it. My boy once came and leaned right over me in bed at around 4:30am and said "Dad, I feel ….<puke>" Needless to say the clear up exercise was exhausting, the smell disgusting. Then I had to do a days work on top.

    Kids eh!

  • Jim says:

    Truly, Robert, you live the dream!

  • Hahaha! Great story. As a new father myself (3 months) I've gotten used to dealing with a whole new level of "disgusting". Although I hope "taking a shit with baby spew" remains firmly your story and never becomes mine.

  • Pat says:

    I wonder how this post will captivate Google's interest?!! πŸ˜€

    You had me in stitches… glad to hear your daughter is feeling better though!

  • peder says:

    oh the joy of family life

  • Robert Nyman says:

    Thanks everyone, I'm glad that you appreciated it! πŸ™‚


    Well, I've been through that one as well… πŸ™‚

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